Page 79 of What Happens This Christmas
Eloise:Because you two are not over. She doesn’t want this to be the end of your story, so don’t screw it up. That’s advice you can take to the bank.
I’d much rather take it to the restaurant where my wife will be.
Eloise:I’ll text you when she’s on her way there, okay?
Nick:Thank you, Eloise.
Eloise:Now delete these messages so there’s no evidence.
Chapter 37
we caused a spectacle
Candy
I was grossly disinterested in…everything.
It was Christmas, one of my favorite holidays of the year for so many reasons. The charm. The fashion. The gift-giving. The food.
Yet, none of it tugged at the corners of my lips.
For instance, much to my shock and horror, I’d stared at my selection of clothes this morning and couldn’t find a single thing worthy of wearing. Most of the articles reminded me of Nick. Frankly, not muchdidn’tremind me of him.
I’d either worn it around him, at an event with him, or he’d purchased it for me.
That was exactly why I’d chosen a modest pair of dark jeans, a white turtleneck sweater with matching white gloves, and a red wrap coat. It was alpaca and wool with a wide collar. I looked chic and should have felt the same, but instead, I felt dead inside.
Sitting at a table in the far corner of the shop, I played with the spoon, scraping it against my frozen hot chocolate, waiting for it to melt enough so I could turn to the straw. For some reason that was unknown to me at the moment, I’d thought it would be a wise idea to come to one of my favorite places and enjoy a delectable treat. Unfortunately, all I could think about was the last time I had been here, with Nick.
Something told me he hadn’t felt festive drinking the beverage and would have rather been anywhere else, but he’d gone for me and stayed for the same reason.
How many people could say that about their significant others? From what I knew, it wasn’t necessarily common practice for people to go out of their way for someone else. Even if they were in love, it was asking a lot. I could only speak for myself, but I could be selfish at times. Sure, it wasn’t the most desirable or attractive trait, but it was who I was, and it worked because Nick could be that way at times too.
Just then, a couple walked in, the woman staring at her ring finger as the man helped her out of her coat before taking off her scarf as well. “It’s perfect,” she cooed, her eyes practically sparkling as bright as the diamond on her finger. The closer she got to me, the better look I had of it. The engagement ring didn’t have anything on mine, but her fiancé clearly had decent taste in jewelry. Maybe just not a bank account with enough zeros to buy something more exquisite. But it didn’t seem to matter to her, the woman appeared happy just the same. Her glowing smile could put the sun out of business.
“I’m sorry your folks couldn’t make it,” he told her, nuzzling her neck before leaving her to sit, taking the seat across from her.
I couldn’t see her face anymore, but I was sure she was still grinning radiantly. A smile like that didn’t go away easily. It would likely be there for as long as they continued to love and be present with each other.
It wasn’t something to be taken for granted, and I wished I had realized that sooner. Then again, I’d never been one to go down the road most taken. I tended to do things my own way and struggle to find my way back when I messed up. This was one of those times. What saddened me about it was that I had to lose the only person I feared I’d ever love with my whole heart.
My poor heart… In a lot of ways, he held it. I would never ask for it back, though. For all I cared, Nick could keep my heart. I didn’t want it back. The truth was he’d had it for so long that I wouldn’t know how to keep it safe the same way he did.
I glanced down at my hand that mindlessly moved the spoon around. I fully tuned into the soft Christmas music playing in the establishment. Eloise had declined coming, insisting that she couldn’t think of a worse way to spend the holiday. That seemed melodramatic to me, but I also understood and silently wanted the alone time. I’d have the rest of the day to spend with her, but right now, it was nice to be in my own head, hear my own thoughts. God knew that was the last thing I needed, since it only seemed to be making me more upset, but regardless, I was leaning into those feelings.
What is the point in crying, though, if you can’t cry headfirst into Nick’s chest?Even if I didn’t put my arms around him or clutch his shirt, he’d hold me to him, that much I knew with certainty.
Sitting up straight, I arched my back and tried to brush it off. All of it.
It’s Christmas, the merriest, jolliest time of—
Yeah, that wasn’t working.
Instead, I switched from the spoon to the straw now that I had sufficiently made the treat into slush. I brought the bottom of the straw covered in chocolate to my mouth, closing my lips around it and allowing the flavors to swirl around on my tongue. I shut my eyes to really appreciate it. It was cold, yes, but it was also keeping me warm inside. It was filling my cup in a way I didn’t think anything else could right now.
“Watch out. You might need your tongue.”
That decadent, rough voice I’d know anywhere. It was thick with emotion as he spoke, and I was afraid, so very fearful, that if I opened my eyes I’d have realized I was imagining it. That it wasnothing more than a dream. A beautiful, peaceful dream that I had been privy to for a moment in time.Was that my Christmas gift?
