Page 143 of Family Bonds: Alana & Brennan
Her mother was the one who told her what was going on this morning before they left.
“He did. Said that Jonathan was upset over his job and blaming you and your father.”
“It’s always been all about his job,” she said. “I knew that and should have figured that out myself. The biggest mistake I made yesterday was not dealing with this directly with him prior.”
“Which is why you want to do it with me now?” he asked.
“Yes. Sit. I don’t enjoy angling my head up to you. My neck is sore too.”
He eased himself to the couch’s edge, his movements as careful as if he were handling a sleeping child, terrified of disturbing her.
“If you don’t feel good we don’t need to talk about this.”
“We do,” she said. “I’m not holding back or keeping things from you or inside. I’ve done it too much in my life. I should have called him to find out what his problem was and gotten it over with so he didn’t feel the need to come here and whine.”
“Whine?”
“That’s what he does best. We didn’t fight about things. Rarely. When I left him, I packed up what was in his place and didn’t look back. I did the same with his stuff in my place and left it by the door. He begged and pleaded he was sorry, that he couldn’t control how he felt and he was confused.”
“That’s a crock of shit,” he said.
“I said the same thing. Susette and he didn’t last very long, but he didn’t tell me that. I found out from someone else. I didn’t care either. That’s his life. He’s gone from mine.” She lifted her arm, snapped her finger and shouldn’t have made that movement.
“Your father said he was going to take care of it. I know you hate that.”
“I don’t need someone to deal with those things,” she said. “But he’s going to do what he wants. Do I think my father played a part in this with Jonathan? I don’t know and don’t care enough either. He’s gone from my life. I hate I wasted so many years waiting for him to give me what I wanted.”
She put her head down when she said that.
Just a few months in, she didn’t want to think she was wasting her time with Brennan.
They were compatible in so many ways. Had the same dreams and goals and she wondered if she tarnished what they had by not telling him about Jonathan’s texts.
He came to her right away when he got the call from Rene and she didn’t give him the same courtesy.
“Hey,” he said. “What’s going through your mind?”
“Did I ruin things with us by not speaking up? Tell me if I did. I really wasn’t trying to keep it a secret. It was a few texts that I deleted. I don’t want anything from my past to disrupt my future, but I think it might have anyway.”
“No,” he said. He moved closer to her and reached for her hand. “You didn’t ruin things. I’m hurt and my pride took a hit that maybe you didn’t trust me.”
“It has nothing to do with trust.”
He squeezed her fingers gently. “Trust me enough that I could handle this too. I know your first thought was to protect me from more stress, right?”
She nodded. “It was my problem. Well, I didn’t even think it was a problem, but it was mine to deal with. And when I thought of that last night, I realized you didn’t hesitate to tell me what was going on with Rene. You put more faith in me than I did in you. I’m wrong about that.”
“I’m glad you see my side of it,” he said.
She could see the hurt in his eyes. The sadness too.
She hated she caused any of it.
“I’m sorry. I got in my head and overthought it. I should have told you and let it go. I could have done it without it adding weight to your mental load.”
“The thing I love about you and our relationship is that we can talk about things. That we can work it out when somethingcomes up. Those are the things I wanted in my life. In my future with a partner.”
And she just proved that she didn’t always provide that.
