Page 54 of Hot for Teacher
He wasn’t ready, and it was driving Killian crazy.
Chase was just too … far away. Not physically—although, with his rut so close, Killian did very much want Chase right here, right now, at all times—but emotionally.
For all that Chase melted like putty in Killian’s hands during sex, and for all that he put up with all Killian’s demanding, bossy care afterward, there was still a wall there. Something practically solid and opaque standing between them and a future together. The most clear sign of it was how quickly Chase changed the goddamn subject anytime Killian tried to talk to him about anything surrounding their relationship. It was a new habit of his, as if he sensed how desperate Killian was getting and was managing to sidestep the issue entirely.
And Killian didn’t know how to break through that wall without scaring Chase away.
Chase was too self-possessed and too self-contained, and Killian could too easily picture him walking away, keeping everything they’d shared together tucked deep inside and never letting it out again.
But why Killian had thought meeting with Professor Miller was the key to his problem, Killian didn’t quite know. Except that Eli had done it—he’d had a relationship with a student, kept it secret and safe, and now was integrating their lives like any other couple, if the things Chase had told Killian were true.
Surely the omega had some sort of insight?
The look Eli was giving Killian bordered on pitying. He’d obviously realized Killian had no interest in discussing work today. He gave him a small smile. “You know, I really don’t know him that well yet. We’ve only spent a few evenings together. Although, he did come over for a little pool party a bit ago.”
Oh, Killian knew all about the goddamn pool party. He’d been seething with something remarkably close to jealousy at the thought of a sun-soaked, water-slicked Chase lounging about completely out of Killian’s reach, and he’d left a massive,indiscreet hickey on Chase’s neck. Killian hadn’t even had an impending rut to blame then.
It hadn’t been his finest hour.
He could make up for it now. He could say something reasonable and polite to Eli and get back to the business at hand—helping Eli navigate the publishing industry.
Instead, Killian found himself asking, “How did it fall apart with you and your ex?”
“Richard?” Eli’s eyes widened with shock, then narrowed in indignation. “Is that really any of your business?”
“No.” Killian sighed. “It isn’t.”
Eli stared at him for a moment. Then he sat back in his chair, mirroring Killian’s posture. “He was selfish, and he tried to make me something I wasn’t,” he eventually said, and Killian must have been looking truly pathetic for the favor Eli was doing him in his honesty. “That and the rampant cheating.”
Well, that wasn’t helpful. Killian was selfish with everyonebutChase; he liked Chase exactly as he was, and he had absolutely no desire to fuck another non-Chase person for as long as he lived.
Eli propped his chin on his hand. He had warm eyes. Kind eyes. A direct contrast to Killian’s gaze, which he’d been told more than once was steely. “You know, if he wants you to go slow, just go slow. Although, I know that’s … challenging for alphas.”
Killian cursed quietly, swiping a hand over his face. In terms of advice, it was the opposite of what he’d been looking for. “I apologize for … today. This. I’ll email you all the details of how I got my book out there. I can even get you in touch with my agent. She’d be thrilled. Your reputation precedes you.”
“Thank you.” Eli was still studying him. “Can I say something indelicate?”
Killian waved a hand. “Go right ahead. Decorum hasn’t exactly been the theme of this meeting.”
Eli nodded, then folded his hands in his lap. “Maybe wait until your rut has passed to make any big relationship moves.”
Wise. Fucking. Words.
Killian leaned down to fish a small bottle out of his desk drawer. He shoved it in Eli’s direction. “Scent-neutralizing spray. It’s not a perfect fix, but—”
“I appreciate that.” Eli took the bottle and rose from his chair, and Killian idly wondered how long this slipup of his would take to get back to Noah, and if Noah would share it with his beta best friend.
Eli paused at the door. “I don’t know enough to know if I’m rooting for you or not, but either way, good luck.”
“Thanks.” Killian resisted the urge to slam his forehead down on his desk repeatedly. “I think I might need it.”
The drive home was a blur,Killian too frustrated with himself to pay proper attention to the road.
What had he been expecting Eli to give him,The How to Go from Fucking Your Student to Forming a Life Partnership Handbook?
Killian had made a fool of himself for no reason, and the only thing he’d gained was the reminder that he wasn’t in the right headspace for any big decisions.
Which was also bullshit, because Killianknewwhat he wanted. It was convincing Chase of the same thing that was the issue.
