Page 34 of Hers to Tame
“Well that seals it. No other boyfriend will ever be able to match a pickup line as good as that. I’ve ruined you for all other men now, Maggie. Just admit it.” She’s still laughing when I continue my destruction of the pancakes, my brain feeling a little less like it wants to crawl out of my skull. “Maybe I can work that into the toast at our fiftieth wedding anniversary party.”
“So who decided you’re my boyfriend?” she asks around a mouthful of bacon. Really? I would think watching me jack off in the shower would qualify.
“Everyone. Did you know there are only three things that determine if I’m your boyfriend according to everyone?” I count them out on my fingers. “Staying overnight, gift exchanges and” —I look at her with exaggerated exasperation— “hot make-out sessions. The making out is what seals the deal, otherwise, Grayson would be my boyfriend.”
“I see. I can get why that last one would be the game changer. So you dry humping me last night is a nonissue or is that considered a hot make-out session?” It takes Maggie several minutes of banging on my back to dislodge the piece of pancake I tried to inhale at that last statement.
“So I showed up drunk on your doorstep, dry humped you, told you you’re responsible for my blue balls, then alligator rolled you under me, not necessarily in that order. You really could find a much better boyfriend. Your current one sucks.” She grins at me.
“I smell like a brewery inside of a locker room jockstrap, on top of all that. Seriously, beautiful, trade up.” She just shakes her head at me, her eyes shining. “Oh, can you also give me a ride home? No Uber driver is going to pick me up shirtless.” Laughing, she wipes the tears from her eyes.
“You’re right. I really do need to start hanging out with a better crowd.” After helping clean up, Maggie drives me to my parents’ house, pulling up behind Lily’s car.
“This promises to be a really awkward walk of shame. I’ll pick you up at five to head to the church for the rehearsal?” I ask, waiting for her to lean over so I can kiss her goodbye.
“Okay, I’ll be ready.” She just sits there looking adorable.
“Oh, for Christ’s sake,” I say, pulling her over to straddle my lap. It’s not a huge car, but I can work with it if the need ever arises. “At least say goodbye like I’m your boyfriend.” She wastes no time running her hands into my hair as she melds her lips to mine.
I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of kissing Maggie. She opens her mouth automatically to my tongue now, making me moan. When I finally let her up for air, I can’t resist groaning out, “Ooh baby, you make my balls hurt.” She slaps my chest as she slides off me.
“Get out.”
“I’m trying to refine my delivery. If I’m going to have a signature line, I at least want the delivery to sound right.”
“Colin, get out.” She’s laughing when I open the door. “I’ll see you at five. Try to work in a shower before then. Maybe do something with those balls.”
“Bye, sunshine,” I say, receiving a middle finger in response to my sarcasm. “Love you too, sweetheart!” I yell as she drives off. Why would she ever want to be my girlfriend? I’m such an ass.
“You’re such an ass,” Lily greets me when I walk into the house. It’s always lovely to get firm confirmation. “Were you making sure her tonsils are still in place?”
“Why are you watching, perv? Looking for pointers?” Don’t ever believe little sisters aren’t pests. I love her more than anything, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t always getting on my nerves. “Why are you always over here anyway?”
“Mom and I are making sure everything is ready for tonight. Why do you smell like you’ve spent the night sleeping in a monkey pit? Why would Maggie want to suck face with you smelling like that?” She scrunches her nose up at me. “Where is your shirt?”
Lily wasn’t the only athlete in the family. Years of sand volleyball during law school in California made me quick. Grabbing Lily, I bear-hug her against my chest, pinning her arms to her side so I can rub stink all over her. “Mom!” she yells before making gagging noises.
“Would you like me to rub my armpits on you too?” She’s struggling, but we are both laughing. “At least I don’t throw up all night. How’s that working for you?”
“You’re an asshole, Colin.” Lily laughs, trying to keep her nose away from my armpit. I hear Mom heading toward us. I’ll have to put her down shortly, then run before she can kill me. She might be my little sister, but I won’t swear she can’t kick my ass. Right before Mom comes around the corner, I drop Lily and run toward the bedroom. I look back over my shoulder to make sure I didn’t hurt her, receiving another middle finger for my efforts.
The rehearsal runs right on time, thanks to the planning expertise of Mom. I called in a favor from a member I represent, landing us the Petroleum Club for the dinner after. Maggie and I are seated in different areas, only speaking in passing. By the time the night is over, we’re both exhausted.
The wedding is tomorrow evening, but I know Maggie, as a bridesmaid, has a full day of activities. When I finally get her home, it’s after midnight. I see her safely into her house, kiss her good night, then head back to my parents’ house. The craziness will be over soon, then I should have Maggie all to myself for a while.
At least I get to fill up on Mom’s breakfast casserole before soldiering through the wedding today. I thought I would, anyway, until I walked into the kitchen. Dad is working on his second cup of coffee while eating a donut.
“Dad, where’s the casserole I saw Mom prepping yesterday for this morning?”
“Your mom had to go meet the flower people. The casserole was apparently for the bridesmaids getting ready this morning. Do you want chocolate or sprinkles?”
“Seriously! Did you already eat the jelly-filled?” I whine while grabbing a chocolate. It’s been a long time since I had a donut. I forgot how good they are in that sugar rush then crash sort of way. “Do we at least get to go somewhere good for lunch? I’ll treat.” Dad lowers his reader to look at me. He reads at least three papers every day through subscriptions on his iPad.
“No plans with Maggie Emerson then, I guess since she’s a bridesmaid?” It’s always shocked my sister and I how astute Dad is about what goes on around him. He usually acts clueless, letting Mom handle everything. “Your sister,” he says in explanation.
“Of course.” We give each a knowing look. “We haven’t been seeing each other for very long. I really didn’t want to make it an open forum yet.”
“Seeing each other, as in more than once? She’s a sweet girl, make sure you know what you’re doing.” He returns to his newspaper. “I could use a good burger. Hopefully, counterbalance the sugar wafting through my veins.”
