Page 36 of Hers to Tame
I listen to them in the kitchen discussing something, but I can’t hear what they’re saying. I don’t even care. When it grows quiet, I hear Dad’s footsteps approaching the game room. Great, now I’m going to get another ass kicking! When he rounds the corner, he tosses me an ice pack for my cheek. Then he takes the bottle away.
“Why is it you never get drunk on the cheap stuff?” He puts it back in the cabinet.
“I wasn’t finished with that. I’ll replace it for fuck’s sake!” I get up, fully intending to grab the bottle back before stalking to the bedroom.
“Yes you are. Now sit your ass back down.” I sink slowly back into my chair. “You know, I thought we did a pretty decent job of raising you kids. But then one of you meets someone of the opposite sex, and it’s like having teenagers all over again. If it’s not your sister and her boyfriend running through my house naked, it’s you making a fucking ass of yourself at Grayson’s wedding.”
Dad has a lot of amazing qualities, he works hard, attends church, treats Mom with respect. But the one that always fascinates me is his absolute abhorrence of cursing. The man does not curse. The few times he has, sent fear racing down our spines. Now, I’m getting a barrage of it.
“I’m sorry,” I mumble out.
“Oh, I’m sure you are, but that doesn’t make you any less of a jackass. Your mother is so mad right now, she sent me to deal with you. What were you thinking hurling that at her? You know she can probably have any man she wants. But, for some reason that currently escapes me, she chose you. Why would you sabotage this?”
“I don’t know,” I say, looking at the floor. I can probably count on one hand the times Dad has jumped me about something. I felt like shit before, now I feel like less than that.
“Cut the crap, Colin, I know you’ve been circling her since law school.” When I look up at him in astonishment he chuckles. “Do you think we’re blind? We saw you pour yourself into that old high school swimsuit to join her in the pool that summer. I kept a close eye on the situation since she was so young, but you behaved yourself. I wish we had known about that professor, but she didn’t let anyone in on that secret. I made sure, however, he didn’t teach another semester at that college.”
“You had him fired?” I’m shocked at first, but more because he never told me. I should have been able to guess. Dad would never stand by and let that happen again. “Why didn’t you ever tell me about any of it. I had to find out when he walked into the restaurant we were at. He almost undid her. I won’t let that happen again.”
We sit quietly for a few minutes before I look up at him. He’s watching, simply waiting for me to talk in my own time. “It should have been me, Dad. I should have been the first. If not me, then at least someone that would have treated her the way she deserves. It makes me so angry thinking about it.
“But son, you just treated her the same way he did. Instead of showing her how you’re the man she can count on to love all of her, including her past, you said all you can see is him when you look at her. Does she judge you on every skanky woman you’ve slept with because there has been a string of them? You see her as an injustice that needs to be righted. She wants you to see her as the Black Widow to your Hawkeye. Don’t look at me in shock, I read comic books too.”
I finally laugh at him, sending pain into my face. Damn, that girl has a hell of an arm. “So what do I do? I’m completely lost in this.”
“You apologize. You keep apologizing until she listens. That doesn’t mean you get another chance, but she deserves groveling on your part. Don’t be scared to tell her how you feel. Even in the middle of your ‘manwhore’ days, you always had it bad for her. Let her know that. No flowers or gifts, just you, begging for forgiveness on your damn knees. Okay?”
“Are you even allowed to refer to your only son as a ‘manwhore?’ Aren’t there rules about that?” He shakes his head. “Yeah, I understand. Do I start tonight or tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow. I think we’ve all had enough drama for today, don't you?” He stands, squeezing my shoulder on the way out. “I blame your mother’s crazy side of the family for this.” He didn’t tell me what to do if I don’t get her back. What would be the point of life? If I can’t get sent out of the room during a deposition for giggling or make the paper licking salt off of her stomach, my life will be empty. Only I could take something so amazing and fuck it up so completely.
The next morning, I stand on Maggie’s porch knocking on the door. I know she’s here, I can see her car in the driveway. I call her name, but she never comes to the door. I try again twice more on the first day. I also try again over the next couple of days. I’m over here so much begging her to open the door, the neighbors are starting to give me funny looks. Getting chewed on by Mom or Lily on a daily basis has become my life now. I think at this point they’re tag-teaming.
New Year’s rolls by without much fanfare. I stayed at the house while everyone went to a party. I prefer just to sit in my room reading. Mom’s lectures have transformed from me being an asshat to me not eating enough. After taking an extra week from work, I decide I have to go back to Kansas City or lose my mind, but I have to try one more time at Maggie’s. I check the driveway when I arrive, seeing she’s at home.
“Maggie?” I knock on her door again, but this time I’m not leaving without saying my peace. “I know you’re inside, so I’m just going to say what I’ve needed to say for a while but didn’t.” I take a deep breath before continuing. If I’m not mistaken, I can see a shadow cross near the front windows.
“I’m sorry. Dad hit it pretty close when he called me a ‘fucking asshat.’ I really hurt you, which is unforgivable.” I stop for a moment, taking a couple more deep breaths before starting again. “Maggie, I never was your white knight because you were never a damsel in need of rescuing. You have always had more courage than me. That just doesn’t stop me from wanting to jump between you and every dragon that looks at you.”
“I’ve always seen you, the real you. The girl who nursed her mother through a fatal illness, saved the house her mother worked so hard for, made the paper for baring her stomach to all of Kansas City.” I sigh.
“I hope you can hear me. Dad told me to say it all, but I didn’t want to do this through a door with me on the outside. I love you, Maggie. I think I have since the summer I was home from law school. You were so young, though, so I did everything I could to push you away. That was a mistake, because I wasn’t there when you needed me.”
“You deserve so much better than me. I hope you find it. Don’t ever accept anyone less, please. I love you, but I’m leaving so you can find the man who deserves you.” I turn to find her neighbor standing in front of the house in tears.
“Don’t worry, she heard you.” I think she is just trying to make me feel better, but I truly hope she did. I’m serious, she deserves the best. I’ve proved, however, I’m not the one to give her that. I drive straight to the airport, taking the noon flight back to the city. I can at least work on the Habitat house the rest of the week to keep busy.
12
Maggie
I’m sitting on the floor by my front door, having heard every word he said. He’s gutted me. He’s told me he loves me, that he always has and he feels responsible for what happened. When will he learn he is not responsible for the decisions others make?
I was naive when I chose to have sex with Brett, but it was my decision. Yes, he owes me an apology for being a complete ass at the wedding, but not for something he knew nothing about. He said he loves me. My heart simultaneously soars and breaks.
I stand on shaky legs to open the door, but when I step out, Colin is gone. Looking at the table by the door, I see a notebook. Picking it up, I turn to the first page. On the top is written, “Things I know about Maggie” in bold sloppy letters.
There are pages filled with lists about me. It includes everything from how I like my steak cooked, to the comic books I like, to a description of my laugh. Thrown among the small details are lines that say how I made him feel after every text or phone call.
