Page 20 of All We Want for Christmas
‘Do you mind me asking what went wrong?’ Lara asked tentatively.
After taking a sip of his coffee, Flynn said, ‘She was married.’
She let out a gasp. ‘Oh …’
‘I didn’t know she was married. You can believe that or not.’
‘Why wouldn’t I believe it?’ she said, frowning.
Flynn immediately regretted his throwaway remark. ‘I don’t know …’ Because he thought Lara might have formed an impression of him as a Jack the Lad? He wasn’t going to say that out loud, so he shrugged. ‘I don’t know why I said it. Ignore me. I really didn’t know Abigail was married, though. She’d kept it quiet from everyone. I met her at a localpub and we hit it off straight away …’ Flynn checked himself. The last thing he wanted was to talk about his feelings for another woman, which at the time had been powerful. ‘We started a relationship, but at no point did she mention her husband to me or anyone else. Turns out he was working in Qatar and I didn’t find out until I – until things came to a head between us.’
Flynn had noticed the cute smudge of chocolate on her top lip and wanted to wipe it away with his finger but didn’t dare even mention it.
‘How did you find out about the husband?’ she asked.
‘Well, I thought we might make a go of it. Settle down. I even suggested she might move in with me. I’d been seeing Abi about six months by then.’
Although Lara was listening, her lips were pressed together, almost as if she’d been physically trying to hold back her comments, but she broke her silence. ‘That was the crunch moment … and things could never be the same …’ Her comment was laden with experience.
Flynn was sure she knew exactly what he was talking about. ‘You’re right. I think me asking her to move in was the moment when she realised that our relationship couldn’t go any further and she admitted she was married.’
Lara was aghast. ‘How cruel to lie to like that!’
‘I thought so for a long time, but I’ve come to accept she was lonely and unhappy in her marriage and looking for an escape – a fantasy. She said she was heartbroken about us splitting up, and admitted it was all her fault.’
‘I’d have been the same,’ Lara said, ‘if I found out I’d been living a lie …’
‘She said she’d never meant things to go so far between us and then fooled herself into believing we could have a future, but, in the end, she didn’t want to leave her husband and I refused to continue being part of the affair. I didn’t even want to be part of encouraging a split. Even if shehadwanted to leave him, my trust was shattered. That’s not how I want to live my life.’ He paused. ‘I understand people have problems, but to be honest, I felt used.’
‘I can understand that …’ Lara said, finally meeting his eyes fully. ‘Surely she wasn’t happy if she’d turned to you?’
‘She definitely wasn’t.’ Flynn paused. He had left out the part where Abigail had also said he ‘was the kind of man who was exciting and great to have a wild fling with but not to settle down with’. Perhaps she’d been trying to console him with the kind of thing she thought he’d like to hear, but her words had cut him deeply.
He’d also wondered if there any truth in her comments? When he was younger, he’d have been delighted to be considered exciting. Who wouldn’t? He’d been very happy to travel, meet new people, and play the field. He’d been drawn to women who felt the same way. With Abi, it was perhaps the first time that he hadn’t wanted a relationship to end. He’d been surprised how much he hurt and for how long.
Those words had nagged at him ever since. Had it been love? Had he had his heart broken? He’d felt crushed at the time: angry, foolish, and it had made him wary of getting serious – and hurt – again. And no one who might havethreatened his heart had come along. He’d had a few short-lived relationships and ‘friends with benefits’, but mostly thrown himself into work, travelling on the bike and seeing friends.
Lara cut into his thoughts. ‘I’m sure she did care about you, despite knowing what she did was wrong.’
‘I think she did, but in the heat of the moment and for a while after, I couldn’t believe it. We split up as soon as I found out. Once her husband was back in the UK for good, she decided to try again with him.’
‘What a horrible situation to be in,’ Lara said soothingly, making Flynn realise not only what a kind person she was but also that he’d been doing the one thing he’d vowed not to: going on about a previous relationship.
‘Yeah.’ He refocused on her lovely face and thought how lucky he was to be here with her. ‘I’m not sure that dragging up the past is the best way to spend our precious free time,’ he said with a warm smile. ‘And anyway, I think the waitress is about to bring our lunch.’
Their conversation during and after steered clear of personal matters – both to Flynn’s relief and, from what he could gather, to Lara’s.
She left before him, driving off in her old Landy. Flynn stood by the bike, watching the beck tumble down the valley next to the old waterwheel.
‘Friends’ was how they had described each other to Molly and they were right to do so. There wasn’t really any other appropriate word and ‘friend’ covered a multitude of possible permutations. Flynn knew he shouldn’t really want toadd complications to their relationship – they hardly knew each other, they were colleagues and Lara had more than enough on her plate. He needed to take things slowly. Perhaps he’d wait until New Year to try to take things to any kind of a new level.
Although considering the way he reacted when he saw Lara enter the café, he seriously doubted if he could stick to the plan.
CHAPTER TEN
Tonight was the night: the launch for the Winter Spectacular. Lara didn’t mind admitting she’d had butterflies in her stomach from the moment she’d woken up – and she hadn’t had the best night’s sleep either.
The castle was shut for the day, with every effort over the past few days having been directed at making this evening run smoothly. A regional TV crew were arriving as dusk fell and before the public arrived, and Lara and Fiona had already given interviews to local newspapers, the county magazine, online blogs and influencers in the weeks before.
