Page 86 of The Cornish Cream Tea Holiday
They had reached the clifftop path, the wind buffeting their hair, the twin cottages up ahead. They looked so shiny, so welcoming, as if they knew how beautiful they were and how well situated, with their sea views and the easy walk into town. But what they signified to Thea, right now, was a conversation with Ben that she knew wasn’t going to be easy.
‘So you thought Ben had got the wrong end of the stick, somehow?’ she asked Esme.
‘Right,’ Esme confirmed. ‘And I remembered what you told me on the phone a couple of days ago: that whatever you had with Ben it was just temporary, a bit of fun. I didn’t— All I said to him was thatI’dspoken to you, andyou hadn’t given any indication of staying: that what you and he had wasn’t serious.’
‘Shit,’ Thea whispered.
Esme stopped and turned to face her. ‘I shouldn’t have said it. It wasn’t fair on him, or you, and I didn’t really mean to – I blurted it out. But I just felt defensive! I wanted to show him – I wanted him to realise that you’d toldmethe truth, not someone you’d only known for a couple of weeks. I wanted to believe that was true.’
‘I tried to tell her,’ Alex said.
‘But by then, Ben was angry, I was angry, and—’
Thea rubbed her forehead. ‘I shouldn’t have kept any of this from you, and I should have told Ben the truth, too: about how much I like him.’
‘I can talk to him again, explain what happened?’ Esme suggested.
‘No, it’s OK. I need to speak to him.’
‘I bet he’ll be fine, once it’s all out in the open,’ Esme said. ‘When he knows it was just a misunderstanding.’
‘Maybe,’ Thea murmured. But his trust had been betrayed before, and he might think she was no better than Allie and his best friend: hiding the truth from him, pretending they had something special, when she was really planning to go back to Bristol after her three weeks was up, and not come back.
She gazed at the two white cottages nestled in harmony overlooking the coastline. She wondered if she could bring back the harmony between her and Ben, or if it was irreparably damaged.
‘You go,’ Esme said, when they got back to Sunfish Cottage. ‘I’ll sort Alex out.’
‘I just need to rest,’ Alex assured them. ‘I’ll be fine after I’ve shut my eyes for half an hour.’
‘OK then.’ Thea hovered in the doorway. Now she was within shouting distance of Ben, she felt too nervous to move.
‘Go on.’ Esme squeezed her hand. ‘Go and make up with Mr Irascible Hash Browns. And apologise from me, too, once you’ve kissed and made up.’
Thea nodded, determined, and walked along the path between the houses.
The afternoon was heading towards evening and the light was intense, as if someone had turned up the saturation levels. The sky was turquoise, contrasting with the amber sun, and it was so beautiful it took her breath away. Or it could have been her apprehension doing that: the thought that Ben wouldn’t want to talk to her.
As she got close to his front door, she noticed it was ajar. She was about to knock anyway when she heard Ben’s voice, raised in a way that was entirely unfamiliar.
‘I don’tcareDamien,’ he said. ‘Why are you even calling me? I’m out of it – you should be happy about that! Move on like I’ve done.’
A chill worked its way down Thea’s spine at the mention of the familiar name.
‘There’s nothing else to say,’ Ben went on, his voice tight. ‘You made your decision – you both did – and there isn’t anything to talk about. Except, you know what the worst of it is? It’syou, Damien. With Allie it was bad enough, but we’ve known each other for decades, and it turned out myfriendship meant fuck all to you. That’s the bit I’ve struggled to get my head around. How could you do it? Look—’ There was silence, and Thea assumed Damien was talking. ‘No, I don’t want an answer. There isn’t anything you could tell me that would make it better. Just leave me alone now, OK? It’s done.’
Thea sucked in a breath at the anger in his voice. She ached for him, having to talk to Damien so soon after what Esme had told him. The ache quickly turned to guilt, because she was the one who was really responsible.
‘Hello?’ She pushed the door inwards, not giving herself time to think about whether this was a good idea or not.
Scooter appeared, whining and pressing his nose into her hand, and she could sense his disquiet. A lump thickened her throat and she swallowed it down.
‘Ben?’ She was louder this time, warning him that she was here.
He wasn’t in the would-be living room, so she turned towards the kitchen. Through the open doorway she could see the bare bones of a room, the counter tops and cupboards in place, but the doors missing. She didn’t know how he cooked a microwave meal in here, let alone food up to the standard he enjoyed making: the Scotch eggs they’d had at the lighthouse. Perhaps that was why he was so keen on the barbecue event at the end of the week.
She stepped into the room and saw him, and the lump in her throat returned. He was sitting on a small stepladder, his knees drawn up and his head in his hands.
‘Ben?’ This time it came out as a scratch, but she was close enough that he heard her.
