Page 77 of The Cornish Cream Tea Bookshop
She could only nod, then watch as Liam spoke into the phone, his voice low and urgent.
She turned back to Max, taking in his pale face, his fluttering eyelids, the air coming out between his lips in pointless, shallow exhales. His chest was rising and falling too rapidly, and her own fear was like iced water rushing over her, freezing her insides and making her immobile. But no.No.She couldn’t afford to panic now: not when Max needed her.
She took his hand, lying limp at his side, and threaded her fingers through his. She squeezed, trying to send warmthand love into him with her touch. ‘I’m here,’ she told him. ‘I’m here, don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you. It’s all going to be fine.’
She wished, more than anything she’d wished for in her life up to that point, that if she said the words enough times, they would turn out to be true.
Chapter Thirty-One
The paramedics arrived in a blur of efficient questions, going straight to Max with their equipment and their steady hands, checking his vitals and asking her, and Liam, to tell them exactly what had happened, and what his history was.
Ollie told them he’d suffered with myocarditis four years before, but had been healthy since then. She felt like an imposter, because she hadn’t known him long, and she didn’t know if she was getting the details right. But, more than that, she felt guilty. Hadshecaused this? Had she forced him to spend too much time with her, taken up afternoons and evenings that he usually spent quietly? Was it her fault his illness had come back? She didn’t know enough about it, and she didn’t know what to do. He looked so pale, so unlike the smiling, funny, twinkly man she loved, and she felt as if her fear was about to burst out of her, like an alien through her chest. She wanted to claw at her skin, to get it out, to dosomethingto stop this.
‘I’ll drive you to the hospital,’ Liam said, his hand on her arm.
‘What? Why? But I—’ She couldn’t tear her eyes from Max, who had been moved onto a stretcher, and was about to be taken out of Liam’s cosy study, the fire still flickering, their untouched glasses of brandy glowing amber, to a cold, sterile ambulance.
‘I’ll drive you,’ Liam said firmly. ‘Marion’s coming back: she’ll look after Henry.’
‘Can’t I go in the ambulance?’
‘I’m afraid not,’ the taller of the two paramedics said. ‘We’re taking him to the Royal Cornwall. Go to A&E there, and ask at the desk. You’ll get an update as soon as the doctors can provide one.’
Ollie nodded. She let Liam lead her out of the study behind the paramedics, let him pull her to the barn’s front door, while she stared after the uniformed pair, and Max, still and silent on the stretcher. After prompting, she told Liam where her coat was, and watched in a daze as he settled Henry in his basket. Her dog was clearly distressed – he loved Max almost as much as she did – and, blinking herself out of her fug, she went and fussed over him, stroking him and whispering soothing words into his soft, floppy ears. She was surprised, somehow, when one of her tears landed on his chocolate brown fur.
She sat in the passenger seat of Liam’s Range Rover, night-time Cornwall passing in a blur, the heater’s harsh whirr filling the silence. She kept replaying the moment the book had fallen to the floor, her confusion when she saw Max leaning heavily on the shelves. She remembered earlier, whenshe’d pressed her ear to his chest and felt his heart racing. She had thought it was because of the emotion between them; a pattering, Disney heartbeat that proved he was lovestruck. She was a fucking idiot.
Liam led her to a hard grey chair in the waiting room of the Accident and Emergency department, then disappeared. When he came back, he put his arm around her shoulders. ‘There’s no news yet,’ he said gently. ‘But I’m sure we’ll get some soon.’
Ollie pressed her lips together to try and keep her feelings inside, but she wasn’t strong enough. ‘It’s my fault,’ she blurted.
‘Of course it’s not,’ Liam said. ‘It’s usually caused by an infection: it’s nothing to do with how Max has been living his life. If he’s had it before, he’s probably more susceptible to it returning.’
‘But he should be taking care of himself. And with me, he’s had all of his usual café stuff to deal with, then we’ve been going on these long walks and … and all the time in bed together, it’s …’ She couldn’t even feel embarrassed. Her pain and worry, her guilt, were taking up all the space.
‘It isnotyour fault,’ Liam repeated. ‘And Max looks after himself. He’s careful, he’s responsible, and—’
‘And he just collapsed,’ Ollie said. ‘Because of me.’
‘Ollie.Ollie. You can’t think that. You have brought Max nothing but happiness, that’s as clear as day. As soon as he’s awake, he’ll tell you the same thing. Now, do you think you can handle some pigswill coffee, or a can of Coke?’
‘I’ll get it,’ Ollie said, standing abruptly. ‘I need to do something.’
Liam looked up at her. She could tell that he was trying to remain positive for both of them, but there was a deep furrow between his brows that told her he was just as worried as she was.
She found the coffee machine and got two cups, shoved several sachets of sugar into her pockets, and then navigated the meandering corridors back to the waiting room, to Liam and any news there might be. She wondered if the doctors had Max’s details and had called his parents, if they were driving through the night from St Ives, frantic with worry. She wanted to shrink inside herself, but instead, she gripped the plastic cups tighter, even though the heat of the liquid inside scalded her palms.
When she turned the corner and saw a figure standing in front of Liam, it took her a few seconds to work out who it was. She inched closer, wondering if she should find somewhere else to wait, because she wasn’t sure she had the brain capacity to speak to Becky.
Before she could decide, the other woman spoke. ‘Marion called me. You know how much Dylan loves Max, and I … I wanted to see how he was.’
‘There’s no news yet, pet,’ Liam said. ‘And I’m not sure how much we’ll be told, as we’re not family.’
‘And what about her?’
‘Sorry, I—’
‘Ollie,’ Becky said. ‘I bet she gets to find out, to go and see him.’
