Page 6 of The Happy Hour
‘I have known you for twenty minutes,’ Jess pointed out. ‘And I bet you’re not the same there. Strutting about in a suit inside your glass-walled office, asking people about their moral compass. Do you have a clipboard? I bet you don’t wear a red felt hat.’
She was gratified when he laughed, her inner panic fading. She so often managed to say the wrong thing, and was relieved he hadn’t held it against her.
‘It’s better than not asking,’ he said. ‘Letting them get away with not thinking about it. Maybe wearing an elaborate hat would help them put things in perspective?’
‘Perhaps one with a pigeon on it,’ Jess said.
Ash’s brows drew together.
‘Didn’t you see them?’ she went on. ‘Olga has these hats with felt pigeons on the brim. They’re like something out ofMary Poppins. I’ve never seen anyone buy one, but she insists they’re her most popular design.’
Ash shuddered. ‘It would bring back too many bad memories.’
‘Why? Were you the bird woman in an am-dram production ofMary Poppins?’
‘No.’ Ash did a good job of looking affronted. ‘Are you a fan?’
‘OfMary Poppins? I like the kite-flying scene best. What’s this with you and pigeons?’
Ash sighed. ‘One landed on my head once, during an interview.’
Jess thought she’d misheard. ‘What did? A pigeon?’
‘Yup.’ He rubbed his jaw. ‘It was just after my degree. I was going for a role at a college, and they were giving me a tour of the site. I was talking to these two intimidating interviewers and then I just... I felt it land on my head. It made that cooing noise, and I—’
‘Oh my God!’ Jess laughed. ‘You shook it off?’
‘No.’ Ash’s smile was wry. ‘I moved my head slightly and it held on tight. I could feel it scratching my scalp, so I just – I stood there.’
‘You stood there,’ Jess repeated. ‘With a pigeon on your head. Still answering questions? What did your interviewers do?’
‘They stared at me as if I’d sprouted wings, which I suppose I had.’
‘It – I...’ She couldn’t say anything else.
‘I was sure it was going to shit on my head. Can you imagine? “How did your interview go, Ash?” “Oh, it was fine, other than a birdliterallydid a shit on my head.I was a bird toilet.”’ A laugh sputtered out of him. ‘Not my finest moment.’
‘You can’t end it there!’ Jess squealed. ‘What happened? How did you get rid of it? Did you even get the job?’ A couple of people at the next table turned at her raised voice. She leaned forward and whispered, ‘You have to tell me.’
‘Glad you came for coffee with me now?’ He raised an eyebrow, then sighed. ‘A minute after it landed, the pigeon took off again and my tour resumed. My inquisitioners didn’t mention it and, unsurprisingly, I was less focused after that. They didn’t offer me the job, and I had to Dettol my head because the pigeon’s claws had broken the skin.’
‘The pigeon wasn’t your fault,’ Jess said solemnly. ‘And I would have definitely mentioned it. I would have said, “Hey, Ash, did you know there’s a fucking pigeon on your head?”’ She dissolved into laughter again. ‘I can picture you, standing there...’ She wiped her eyes. ‘Wearing this pigeon as a hat. I’m going to get you one of Olga’s hats. A fond memento.’
‘The pigeon interview.’ He sighed again, then his smile broke through. ‘It’s a reminder that, however bad things get, they’re very rarely as humiliating as that afternoon.’
Jess grinned at him, and the silence held between them, their shaded corner of the café suddenly a soft, intimate space. Ash was absent-mindedly twirling the fluffy pen, and the strong coffee was bitter and satisfying on Jess’s tongue. It seemed unbelievable that she was here, with this man, and that he’d told her such an embarrassing story after only minutes of knowing her. She couldn’t imagine admitting something like that to anyone, not even her best friend Lola. His openness felt like a special, rare thing.
‘You know,’ she said, ‘In Greenwich Park, the pigeons are so used to being fed they’ll land on your hand without any encouragement. Head too, I’m sure, though I can’t remember seeing it. If the students at this college had been feeding the pigeons, then maybe it wasn’t that unusual.’
‘You realise you’re making it worse?’ Ash said. ‘After all that, you’re suggesting I wasn’t even special? That I was just one of many resting posts the pigeon had?’
Jess held her mug in front of her smile. ‘Of course you were chosen specifically.’
Ash narrowed his eyes at her. ‘Are the pigeons like that all over the park?’
Jess sat up straighter. ‘So you’re not from Greenwich, then? I mean, none of this is local to you?’
He shook his head. ‘I live in Holborn.’
