Page 104 of The Happy Hour
‘That’s very specific,’ Edie said. ‘Did he tell you why?’
Jess let the slideshow of memories rush into place. All the figments that, put together, made up her time with Ash. As she told her parents everything –mostthings, anyway – it was as if Edie and Graeme had got hold of the ends of the thread knotting her up and pulled, loosening the tangles. By the time she’d reached the end, with the bottle of wine empty and a bowl of crisps decimated, she felt languid, softer.
‘What a tragic story,’ Edie said. ‘I am so sorry, Jess. For you, and for him, too, and his mother. I can see why he’s not thinking straight right now.’
‘Not thinking straight?’ Graeme asked.
‘To have let Jess go,’ Edie said. ‘Sometimes, when people are hurting, they think they need to punish themselves:
to go through the hard parts on their own, because that’s the ultimate test of their ability to survive. They tell their loved ones they don’t want to be a burden, and go off into the emotional wilderness. It rarely ever works.’
‘We weren’t properly honest with each other,’ Jess said. ‘We didn’t lie, exactly, but we pushed each other away.’
‘Because you were still getting to know each other,’ Edie said. ‘He didn’t give you a chance.’
‘He said it would be best for me.’
‘Part of him was thinking it would be horrible for him, and that was what he deserved. More wine?’
‘Could I have tea?’ Jess asked.
‘I’ll make a pot.’ Graeme retrieved the large scarlet teapot from its cupboard. She was sure he buffed it at least once a week.
‘Thanks,’ she said. ‘So you think I should get in touch with him? Send him a message?’
‘What doyouwant to do?’ her dad asked, as he poured loose Earl Grey leaves into the mesh infuser. ‘If you agreed with his decision to end it, you wouldn’t be telling us about it. You might never have mentioned him.’
‘No.’ Jess shot a guilty glance at her mum. ‘I probably wouldn’t have.’
‘We do understand that it hasn’t been easy for you,’ Edie said gently. ‘But I’m so glad you told us –about Celine, what you heard. We’ll always support you, Jess. With anything.’
‘Thanks, Mum.’ Jess fiddled with her empty wine glass. ‘But what if I try and get Ash back, and he isn’t interested?’
‘Then we’ll be here.’ Edie was firm. ‘And we’ll applaud you for trying, because it’s a difficult thing, to put yourself out there when you really care about something.’
‘The first time I put my trains on Instagram, I was prepared for all sorts of ridicule,’ her dad said. ‘But it turns out there’s a whole community of like-minded people on there.’
‘Who alert him to new trains and accessories whenever they become available,’ Edie added wryly. ‘The studiowill be too full to move about in soon.’
Jess grinned. ‘You’ll have to show me.’
‘Really?’ Her dad looked stunned, and Jess’s guilt crashed over her. It didn’t matter how much she’d rejected them, they had always,alwaysbeen there for her.
‘After we’ve finished our tea,’ she said. ‘I know you don’t want anything in there that will stain the mat.’
Graeme’s smile could have powered the sun.
‘And I want to see what new sunflowers you have,’ she said to her mum. ‘I want to – to come here more. And you can come and see the flat, if you like? Though my room is pretty small, and Terence might be eating pickled anchovies out of a jar, but—’
‘Goodness!’
‘But he’s really nice, other than that.’
‘Nice, but not Ash?’ her dad said.
Jess watched him pour the perfectly brewed Earl Grey into three sunflower mugs. ‘Nobody’s Ash,’ she said. ‘Except Ash.’
‘Well, then.’ Edie pulled her mug towards her, and blew on her tea. ‘If nobody else will do, and you’re going to accept no imitations, then you know what you need to do, don’t you?’
