Page 68 of The Happy Hour
She sprung up again and glared at Terence, who was standing in the doorway, a pot of pesto in one hand, a teaspoon in the other. ‘Are you putting that on pasta, or is that your dinner?’
Terence shrugged. ‘I’m cooking some potatoes, so thought I’d check it was still good.’
‘Fair enough. Anyway, how do you know I have a hot date?’
‘I heard you talking to Lola on the phone, something about arranging it after the pub. This guy Ash?’
‘Has he come and helped out on your round?’ Jess asked.
‘What?’ Terence frowned. ‘I don’t know him, I don’t think. Why?’
Jess sighed. ‘Sorry. He’s just... everyone loves him at the market, and speaking to Edie and Graeme always makes me snippy.’
‘Your mum and dad, you mean?’ He raised an eyebrow, ate another teaspoon of pesto. ‘Surely it’s a good thing that everyone loves him. It suggests your radar isn’t totally off and you’re probably not going to end up on a late-night, one-way date with a serial killer.’
Jess laughed. ‘Maybe.’
Terence leaned against the doorframe, as if settling in for the long haul. ‘Come on then, out with it.’
‘Out with what?’
‘Your reservations. The reason going out with a popular guy is giving you hives.’
‘I think of beehives when you say that.’
‘It’s a swelling on your skin, like an irritation. I watch a lot of American TV, whatever. I can see it’s worrying you, is my point. Would you prefer to go out with a loner?’
Jess narrowed her eyes, but Terence was unmoved.
‘Fine,’ she said eventually. ‘It’s worrying me because... everyone knows him. They love him! What if we go out and it goes wrong, and then I get blamed because I’ve scared off this amazing guy that they all adore. Or – worse! What if it goes really well, and then suddenly I’m at the pub with them all every night, and my life turns into this social whirlwind?’ She shuddered.
‘You were at the pub the other night,’ Terence pointed out.
‘Yeah, and I used up all my battery.’
‘Also,’ Terence went on, ‘everyone at the market loves you too, and has known you longer. You really think they’d be loyal to the new guy?’
‘But he’s solovely, and kind, and generous. He’s patient, and—’
‘And he wants to go out with you,’ Terence said. ‘So you shouldn’t worry about it. He wants this, too.’
Jess dragged one of her yeti pillows onto her lap. ‘That wasn’t what I was worried about.’
‘That’s not what yousaidyou were worried about.’ Terence pointed his teaspoon at her, a blob of pesto dangling precariously on the end. ‘What you’re really worried about is that you won’t be good enough for him, that he won’t hang about and he’ll take all your market friends with him, and you’ll be left all alone. None of which is plausible, by the way.’
Jess stiffened. ‘I’m not thinking any of that.’
‘Sure you are. You’re adopted, you keep your folks at arm’s length, you think you’re on this dusty road to perpetual abandonment so you make it your business to push people away before they pushyouaway, but you never let on. You’re the queen at coming up with reasons why relationships won’t work out.’
‘What?’ It came out as a scratchy whisper.
‘I watchLong LostFamily. These are common abandonment insecurities. But you’ve got it worse than most. Being brittle is your shield.’
‘I do not...’ She felt hot all over. ‘Terence!’
‘I haven’t kicked you out yet, have I?’
‘No, but we never—’
