Page 83 of The Happy Hour
‘Guys, do you want red pepper in the bolognese?’ Malik called from the kitchen.
‘Yes!’
‘No thanks,’ Jess said at the same time.
Malik appeared in the doorway. ‘Entirely unhelpful,’ he said with a grin.
‘Just put peppers in her bit and not mine.’ Jess shrugged, which didn’t really work when she was lying down.
‘Always a delight to have you here, Jessica,’ Malik said.
‘I bought wine!’ Jess shouted as he retreated to the kitchen.
‘I told you, you’re a delight!’
Jess laughed, then her smile fell. ‘Thank you for putting up with me.’
‘Never a chore,’ Lola said immediately. ‘But if you come round, you have to let me say some things.’
‘Always.’
‘Do you think, as mutual as you said it was, that you pushed Ash away like you’ve been doing with your mum and dad? Because, other than your incredible best friend,’ she pressed a hand to her chest, ‘you don’t like letting anyone get close?’
Jess pulled herself to sitting and picked up her cold tea. ‘You know what Edie said.’
‘And I know how you interpreted it.’
‘We’ve been through this a million times.’
‘It seems worth repeating, especially when something like this happens.’
‘This?’
‘Ash,’ Lola said. ‘I’ve only met him once, but he seemed so... whole. A kind, funny, well-rounded person, which shouldn’t be a rare thing, but I think when it comes to age-appropriate single men, it actually is. And I also have to mention – though this is the least important thing – he is completely gorgeous.’
‘He’s not whole,’ Jess said. ‘He’s dealing with this horrible situation with his dad, and he’s kept it from me formonths. He only told me about it because we were having a fight about how I wouldn’t let him in, and he hadn’t realised he was doing exactly the same with me.’
‘So you’re as bad as each other? You like helping everyone, as long as the attention is focused on them and you’re in the background. As long as you don’t have to rely on anyone for anything or ask for help yourself.’ Lola shook her head. ‘And I understand that it was the hardest thing ever, finding your birth mum, being told she’d died, and for your aunt to respond the way she did.’
‘That was a decade ago,’ Jess said.
‘I am 100 per cent sure it doesn’t stop being traumatic,’ Lola replied. ‘And then, what you overheard Edie say: you interpreted it to fit your insecurities, and you’ve let it dictate all your relationships since then.’
‘Lola.’ Jess put a warning tone in her voice.
‘Spaghetti or tagliatelle?’ Malik called.
Jess let Lola answer, because the memory was replaying itself.
It had been just under two years ago, late in the summer, and Jess had been at the Peacocks’ Bexleyheath home, helping Graeme build shelves in the alcove in the spare bedroom. Jess had stayed upstairs after Graeme had let their neighbour Celine in, and as she’d come downstairs to get a drink, she’d overheard them talking.
‘Jess is better at DIY than me,’ Graeme had said. ‘She’ll probably build you shelves too, if you ask her. She likes the practical things.’
‘Always trying to be useful?’ Celine had replied.
‘Until she stops coming round altogether.’ That was Edie.
‘What do you mean?’ Celine had asked.
