Page 46 of Katherine's Last Hope
Always.
She couldn’t dive in—or hell, even dip in her toes—to something new and exciting if there was no room for Ollie.
Tapping the tip of her finger against the edge of her wine glass, she debated the best way to broach a potentially difficult conversation.
Cody placed his free hand on top of hers, stopping her manic action against the glass. "What’s going on in that head of yours?”
She glanced up, caught off guard by how the setting sun behind him made him look even more handsome. She should handle this delicately, slowly, but she couldn’t find a tactful way to say what needed to be said.
“Do you want kids?” She blurted out the question then wrinkled her nose. “Sorry. I mean, when you’ve thought about what you want in your life, have kids been a part of that picture?”
Cody was silent for a moment, his attention fixed on the scene playing out on the yard. “Not really.”
Her entire body recoiled. “Oh.”
“No, I mean, I’ve never really thought about it before.”
Pulling away, she glanced up at him and frowned. “How is that possible?”
He shrugged. “When I think about my own childhood, it puts a sour taste in my mouth. All the bad shit I went through makes me feel small, even now. It’s pushed me to be the man I am today, to choose the career I have. But it’s made me wary of what kind of father I’d be. I’d never want to put a child through the hell I went through.”
The softness of his words hit her like an arrow straight through the chest. “I don’t know your dad, but I know you’re nothing like him.”
“How can you be sure?”
“I’ve seen you with Ollie the past two days. You’re kind and sweet. Firm yet gentle. You play and have fun with him but let him have his space when he needs it. He adores you.”
“He makes it easy.” Cody let out a sigh. “But what if I snap or lose control? What if something triggers something inside me and I scare him—scare myself. I mean, hell, I should have known better than to let him be so far in front of us today. I’m sure he wouldn’t have taken that fall if he’d been with your dad or brothers.”
Needing him to really hear her, she sat all the way up and caught his face in her hands. “Being responsible for a child doesn’t mean doing everything right or ensuring they never get hurt. It means doing your best every damn day to show them love. To give them guidance and provide the tools they’ll need one day to make it on their own. I’m sorry you didn’t have that with your own father, but it doesn’t mean you can’t be that person for someone else.”
A hard pit formed in her stomach, and she turned away. Unexpected tears swarmed her eyes.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Cody unwrapped his arm from behind her back and shifted to face her.
“I…I don’t know. It’s just, talking about this reminded me of what an amazing father Ollie had. I don’t want you to think I’m sitting here asking you to replace Theo. No one could do that.” She shoved a hand through her long strands, struggling to pinpoint the myriad of emotions ping ponging through her body. “I need to make sure Ollie is as wanted as I am in any relationship I have. Oh God, I’m not saying we’re in a relationship I only meant?—”
It was his turn to cradle a palm against her jaw and force her attention his way.
She wanted to squirm under his gaze, to hide away and forget the word vomit she’d spewed all over him.
“I’d be lucky to have a kid like Ollie to hang out with, no matter what that looks like. I’d never try to be his dad or pretend like I’m more than what he needs me to be. As for me and you, we don’t need a label as we figure this thing out. But as far as I’m concerned, this is a relationship. I mean, we’re two people who care about each other, right?”
She grinned. “Right.”
“And isn’t that really what a relationship is?”
“You make it sound so easy,” she said, throwing back the words he’d said to her earlier that day.
His grin matched hers. “It’s only as easy as we make it. All you need to know is I’m here for you and Ollie. Kids might not have always been a part of my plan, but neither were you.”
She laughed. “You mean you didn’t dream about sitting on your deck with me while my kid and your dog play in the backyard?”
“Honey, never in a million years did I dream I could be this lucky. For once, my reality is so much better than anything I could have imagined.”
“How do you do that?”
“Do what?”
