Page 11 of Breakaway
Zill doesn't ask about it, thankfully, so I get to berate myself internally for a few seconds before leading him into my room. Or, well, what's left of my room. Zill stands in the doorway as I walk to the middle of it, turning and giving him a very brittle and fake smile.
"So this is my room," I say, the words coming off more cheery than I expect them to. "It's a little bare, but I threw everything that was left out after, well, you know."
Zill's lips remain pressed tight together, the muscle in his cheek tensing as his eyes go over the freshly painted cream walls, the new, generic-looking bedframe and mattress that has a white comforter and sheets, and finally landing on the empty dresser that's standing up against one wall.
"So, all of my clothes are in the closet. Some of it is in a couple of my suitcases, since I didn't want to put it all back in the dresser. I'd appreciate it if you didn't go through the closet. If you need to, like check it for intruders, feel free, but it's just…"
I twist my fingers in front of me, tears already threatening to spill from my lower lashes. I will not cry in front of Zill twice in one day. I can be strong enough to cry on my own in a little bit when we're doing our own things.
"I have the report of everything that happened," Zill says, coming to stand behind me, his presence already helping to calm me down.
I wipe at my eyes as his hand finds my shoulder. His shadows don't wrap themselves around me, even if I wish they would. They were a strange sensation against my skin, but not an unpleasant one. More than anything, I'd like to feel safe right now.
Zill squeezes my shoulder before turning me to face him. I don't like how it's clear on my face that I'm close to tears, but I allow him to lift my chin with his knuckle. "You don't have toexplain anything to me. If you don't want me in the closet, I don't touch the closet."
"Should've done all of this and then told you you were getting the bed," I say, letting out a small laugh when amusement flickers across his features.
"Maybe I wouldn't have been so combative about it," he says, his finger lingering against my chin before he brushes it for the briefest moment across my neck, and then he's pulling it back to him. "I need to go get my belongings from downstairs, but Marr and the others know you're in here on your own. Do you want me to have one of them come sit with you while I'm gone?"
"No, I think I can manage a few minutes on my own." I try to sound like I'm more easygoing than I am, but in all honesty, I haven't been alone in my apartment since the break-in happened.
Zill's eyes narrow a fraction on my face, the glow of them bright. "You're sure?"
"Positive," I say with a little more enthusiasm. "I haven't had dinner yet, have you?"
"No," he says the word slowly, like he's trying to figure out if I'm changing the subject because I'm uncomfortable or because I'm genuinely curious.
"I have stuff to make chicken piccata, or we can do take-out," I tell him, knowing full well I want to cook. It helps me to clear my head, gives me something to do that isn't worrying, and I'm pretty damn good at it.
"Whichever you prefer," Zill says, offering me a small smile. "I can't read your mind, so if you prefer one over the other, I'd like that one." He gives me a rueful look as if he's read me correctly before shaking his head and heading for the front door.
Instead of moving to the kitchen and starting to make dinner, I stare at the door. I tell myself I'm not freaked out, that I know how to be on my own in my apartment without anyone else here.Unfortunately, no amount of pep talk is making me any less scared. I'm about to open the door and head across the hall to just chat with Brandr since he's the one on duty right now, but before I can, there's a soft knock on my door. I peek out of the peephole, and Brandr's standing there, a smile on his face as he waves to someone down the hall.
"I'll watch her," Brandr says to Zill down the hall, his voice raised to reach him. I should be embarrassed that Zill went across the hall and asked for one of the Lokans to keep me company, but I'm too relieved to care about maybe seeming like a big baby about the whole thing. I swing the door open, and Brandr turns his smile down to me. "Heard you need someone to keep you company while you cook."
I poke my head out of the apartment and look down the hall to see Zill's back as he turns the corner for the elevator. He doesn't turn around, but I know he knows. A smile tugs at my lips as I give my attention back to Brandr. I grab his hand and tug him into the apartment. "I could really use the company."
Since the Lokans have been working as my security, I've been making more and more food so they can have something as well. I haven't gotten the portion sizes right yet, since the three of them can put away everything I make and still talk about making a run for snacks. Thankfully, when I ordered groceries yesterday, I ordered a ridiculous amount so I could attempt to make enough for the Lokans, which means I have enough to feed Zill and me until we're full. The Lokans, of course, tell me it's wonderful, but it doesn't stop Brandr from leaving my apartment to grab something from down the street as Marr takes a plate over for Ingo when he wakes.
Now it's getting late, and Zill has unpacked his stuff and made himself at home. He's been sitting on one end of the couch, reading something on his comm, looking more like Mauve than he has all day. His shadows are wriggling on the cushion next to me, and any time I look at them, they start spinning up in more elaborate patterns. I'm almost positive they've been slowly creeping closer to me as the night's gone on, but any time Zill's noticed it, he's scowled and they've returned to him just to do the same thing when he isn't paying attention.
The credits roll on the third episode of some show that follows the life of a clan on Rythar. I didn't know anything about the planet until starting it, but it's clear to me now that I would love it there. Not because of the lack of technology they use, which is impressive considering they brought their planet back from near-extinction levels of destruction years ago. No, it's that they're all so free with their love and pleasure.
The clan the show is following is preparing to host a heat run, which I guess is something normal for them, but it's wildly new for me. Rytharians from all different clans will meet up there, party for a few days, and then run around and have sex. It's wild, and I'm not sure how much will be shown when they get to that part of the show or if they'll censor it. Either way, I don't want to watch it with Zill right next to me. It'll probably make him uncomfortable.
I click the back button, taking me to the menu screen, and Zill looks up from his comm.
"Have you ever been to Rythar?" I ask.
His eyes narrow as though I'm asking him a trick question, but he clicks the screen of his comm off, tucks a foot under his leg, and turns to face me a bit more. "A couple of times, though it's not somewhere I'd particularly enjoy being regularly. Why?"
"The show I'm watching." I point to the screen and wince as I read the title again. It sounded perfectly normal to me, but I alsowatch some really trashy dating shows. The name 'Once Upon a Knot' really does not do the show justice, because it's about a lot more than just ruts and heats. There's also all the partying the Rytharians do, and how well they maintain their planet when they're not all trying to have sex with one another.
"The show you're watching," Zill prompts, his amusement evident in his teasing tone.
"I was just curious if it's realistic. I know some of these shows can be fake or at least scripted to some degree."
Zill snorts. The sound is surprising to hear coming from him. "If anything, they've toned it down quite a lot."
