Page 55 of Breakaway
His voice cuts off, and there's the sound of something happening off on the other side of the studio. It all happens in the span of a few seconds. Traci has been discussing the leak, speculating on how it happened and who might be responsible. By the time I get myself back under control, my expression is more serious since the topic has shifted.
"I know you played it off earlier as though the doxxing wasn't something people care about, but you have fans who care about you deeply," Traci says. "Is there anything you want to say to them about how all of this went down, things you wish would've been different, regrets you have?"
I shake my head at first, brows tugging together. "I don't regret my time as Empress at all. She's a huge part of me. Yes, she's a character, someone who's played up for fun and for laughs and to be free in her sexuality, but that doesn't mean she isn't me as well. I hate that my identity was released in the way it was. I wish I could've kept a part of myself all for me. That wasn't in the cards, though, and being upset about it now doesn't change anything."
I pause, swallowing hard. This next part is something Mauve and I debated leaving out of the conversation, but ultimately, I don't want anyone to think I'm weak or that I won't stand up for myself. A decade ago, I may have taken these hits and shown my belly, but I'm not that girl anymore, and Mauve made sure I got tougher.
"When we find out who released my information, because we will, I do plan on pressing charges," I say, looking to the camera for the first time in the interview. "What was done to me was a crime under Intergalactic Alliance laws. Minor crimes, but crimes nonetheless. I'm vindictive enough to want blood, but I'llsettle for an embarrassing parade in front of the cameras when the leeches are found."
"Well said," Traci comments when I finish my speech and turn back to face her.
"We can get back to the fun stuff now if you want," I tell her, flashing her a dazzling smile that feels like just a little too many teeth.
And we do go back to the fun stuff. She asks me about the end of my last tour, what I actually do when I'm not acting as Empress, and various other things that fans will want to know to feel closer to me. It's easy, and if I'm being honest, I enjoy it. It isn't until we creep to the end of the interview that I start feeling melancholy for a life I haven't even stopped living yet.
"And I was told you have an important announcement to make tonight," Traci says, giving me the go-ahead to announce my retirement.
"I do," I say, facing the camera again. "I actually planned on announcing this last month, but well, we all know what took precedence there. For the last decade, I've been able to dress up, sing, and dance to my heart's content. I've been silly and sexy and enjoyed every single second of my life as Empress. As much as I love her, as much as all of you love her, I'm ready to step away from the spotlight. Empress will live on in the videos and the memories, but she's retiring, I'm retiring. I'll always be so grateful for the life you all helped me achieve. I will cherish my memories until my last breath. There's still so much I want to do in life, though, and it's time for me to go out there and do them."
Traci takes a deep breath, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue I didn't even know she had handy. There's not a single drop of moisture anywhere near her eyes, but she has the look down pat, and I'm more impressed than anything when she pulls it off.
"That was beautiful," Traci says, reaching across and grabbing my hands. "I know we'll all be sad to see Empressgo, but you've provided us with years of entertainment. Not to mention going out with a bang. Wherever you go, whatever you end up doing, just know Empress will always have a place in our hearts."
"And some of your bedrooms," I turn my head just enough to send an air kiss to the camera.
Traci's faux look of empathy cracks a little as she tries to hide her smile. She decides the audience will like it more if she laughs along with me, so she lets out a surprised chuckle before it grows into a full laugh, her hand swatting at me playfully.
"That's it for Empress, tonight and any other night," Traci says, shaking her head as she continues to laugh. She keeps hold of my hand with her other as she finishes out her outro. "I'll see you all in just a moment to continue our talk about most likely suspects in the doxxing of Empress. Who knows, maybe we'll be the ones to help her bring the criminals to justice."
We stay smiling, acting like we're bantering with one another as we wait for the cameras to finish their recording. It isn't until a buzzer sounds that Traci straightens back out, her composure returning to her. She's still playful. The interview went well after all, but she's no longer in the mood to sit around and chit-chat. She has more filming to do today, and since the interview with me is done, she'll be done with me as well.
"If you do find anything that you think is substantial, I'd really appreciate it if you'd send it to Mauve," I say to Traci as she wipes her hands on her black pencil skirt and stands from her chair.
"Oh." She looks at me, a little bewildered. "We've already done that. Mauve got everything this morning since we're going to be talking about it during the same show as your interview."
"Thank you," I tell her, standing to join her and offering her my hand as if we weren't just holding them. She lets out a littlehuff and shakes it. "Seriously, thank you so much. I know it's all conjecture, but I'm really happy to have anything to go off of."
Traci's expression gets a bit pinched, her brows tugging together and up as her lips press tighter together. "You know, in these situations, it's usually an ex or a family member."
I wave my hand dismissively, "I don't have any exes. They were all one-night stands."
And that pinched expression turns into one of sympathy, and the rest of what she said rams into my mind like a battering ram, forcing open the doors to thoughts I've been purposefully not wanting to even think about. Zill is by my side before Traci says anything more to elaborate on her opinion, and I'm grateful for the easy exit he provides.
"Thank you so much for having me on, and for not pushing," I tell her. "I know I've been very outspoken about how much I dislike these kinds of programs. But yours is the one I always returned to because I appreciate how you treat your guests, and how you never slut shame me."
"Slut shaming is so last century," she says with an eye roll. "But I won't lie, when you were on Hot Goss and Petty Vibes, I was glued to my comm. Vic started slipping in snide remarks, and Xia didn't stop him. If it were me, I would've walked off set, but you. I mean, asking to borrow their comm and calling Vic's father on live and offering to have a son with him so he would at least have one he could be proud of was so fucking good. We brainstormed here for a while, trying to think if it was worth it to rile you up to get a clip like that."
"Best you didn't," Zill says, surprising me with the darkness in his voice.
"Protective," Traci says, glancing up at him before giving me a nod of congratulations. "Good for you, Empress. And yes, it's good we didn't. I'd hate to be in any way associated with Vic now. He separated from the podcast and has been doing thenews.As if adding breaking news to the beginning of every gossip headline makes it actual news."
"Vic's something else, but Zill's pretty great," I tell her, placing my hand on Zill's chest. I could talk all day about how much I dislike Vic, but I'd much rather spend my time with my Sombran. "Thanks again for being my last interview."
She grabs her water off the ground and starts walking off set. "Thanks for giving me the exclusive."
I lean into Zill as she disappears down one of the hallways that leads out of the studio. Zill's arm wraps around me, his shadows finding their homes around my body.
"Marr is getting the transport brought around," Zill tells me after a long moment, the darkness in his voice gone. He's back to my sweet Sombran male. "Isha went with Brandr and Mauve in the other transport. Ingo and Kolos will ride with us."
