Page 112 of Born into Madness
Sasha
The next afternoon I get a text from Niki. It’s a photo of Max and Talia and their little girl Lyra. I hand the phone to Cyn so she can see her newest niece.
“She’s so cute,” she says, “and I love the name. They’re a beautiful family, and I can’t wait to meet them.”
She’s still grinning when she hands it back to me. I run my eyes over her for the millionth time this morning, trying to decipher if she really is okay or if she’s just telling me what she thinks I want to hear. Aside from a light bruise on her cheek that irritates me every time I look at it, she looks the same as she always does—impossibly beautiful and way too good for me.
“Max is looking forward to meeting you too. He thought I was lying when I texted him about you. I had to send him a picture to prove it.”
She laughs and then grabs her phone when a text comes in. She’s been texting Sav, so I just assume it’s her, but when I see the worried look on Cyn’s face, I ask, “What’s wrong?” right as Chort plops his large head in her lap, sensing the change in her just like I had.
“It’s my mom,” she says while she reads through the newest text. “She says Billy’s left her. His truck is gone, and so are all of his clothes.”
I keep everything neutral when I look at her and say, “That’s weird, but you did say he’d started drinking again.”
“He did, yeah.” She says the words slowly while side-eying me as she types out a reply. I try not to grin because if she thinks she’s going to see anything written on my face, she’s in for a big disappointment. The mask I’ve worn for years still occasionally comes in handy around her, and now is one of those times.
When she doesn’t see any signs of guilt, she says, “My mom said she checked their account and he stopped at a hotel a few hours away. She’s so mad at him right now that she went ahead and canceled his card. He’ll have to come crawling home if he wants any more money.”
“I hope for your sake he doesn’t,” I tell her and then kiss the top of her head before walking over to the fridge to start making some lunch. “I think you’re better off without him. I didn’t like the guy, and if he’d stuck around, I would’ve ended up killing him.”
It’s not a lie. It’s not the truth either, but it’s definitely not a lie.
She’s quiet for a second while she pets Chort’s head and texts her mom back. When she sets her phone down, she looks at me and says, “You’re right, and if he started drinking again, then it’s the last thing my mom needs to be around. For all her faults, she’s done really well at staying sober. I’d hate to see her start drinking again after all this time.”
I’m not a fan of her mom, but she is the woman who gave birth to my Cyn, so I say, “If you think she’d be up for it, we can buy her an apartment in a better neighborhood. She could cut ties with her old life, start fresh.”
She turns and rests an arm on the back of the couch so she can see me better. “Are you serious?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” I turn and dig around in the fridge, getting out an armful of vegetables and the package of firm tofu that I’ve recently learned how to cook. “She’s your mom, Cyn. I may not like her, but I know you still love her, despite everything she put you through and despite the way our last visit ended. You’re not me. You’ll worry about her, and I don’t want you worrying about anything.”
“It’s weird,” she says while I get a skillet ready and grab a knife. “I don’t have any desire to see her right now. I’m really upset with her about how she acted, but she’s still my mom, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to truly cut ties with her. It would be nice to not have to worry about her, though. Maybe one day she can be more involved in our lives, but I’m done putting up with how she treats me.”
“Well, that was never in question,krovinka. I will never allow anyone to treat you badly, and that includes your mom. If it will make you feel better to give her money or buy her an apartment somewhere, then we will, but make no mistake about it, we’re doing it for you, not her, and if she wants to be a part of our life, then she will treat you with the respect and love you deserve.”
Cyn gives me her sweet smile from over the back of the couch, the one no one else ever gives me, and says, “You’re the sweetest man alive, Sasha.”
I laugh and spice the tofu before putting the slices in the skillet with some olive oil. Her idea of sweetness might be just as fucked up as I am, but it works for us, and I hope she always sees me this way. The truth is that whatever good I have in me is hers, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
We eat lunch together, and although I haven’t gone full vegetarian and doubt I ever will, I do like cooking for her and alot of the meals are surprisingly good. After we’re done, I clean up while she goes back to studying. Her mind never ceases to amaze me. She’s brilliant, and her heart is just as big as that brain of hers. I could spend all afternoon watching her, but there’s something, or rather someone, I need to deal with.
After I’ve cleaned up and changed into a pair of jeans and a black long-sleeved tee, I find Cyn right where I left her. Chort’s snoring next to her while she works on her intricate system of study cards that involves a lot of different colored pens and a filing system that baffles me. It makes sense to her, though, and judging by her grades, it’s obviously working.
Leaning down, I cup her face and tilt it up to me. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. Stay here while I’m gone, okay?”
“I will. Don’t worry. Sav’s going to call in a few, but other than that, I’m going to be studying all day.”
“Good. I’ll get someone assigned to you, but until then, keep your perfect ass here where I know you’re safe.”
She grins, and when I run my thumb along the small freckles that dust the tops of her cheeks, she furrows her brows at me. She hates them, but I love them, and when I lean closer and kiss each one of them, I feel her smile as she relaxes and lets me do what I want. I’m extra gentle around her bruised cheek, and by the time I press my lips to hers, she’s ready for me. Her lips part, opening and welcoming me into her, just like she always does. She’s the only place that’s ever felt like home, like I can be myself without any judgment or worry, because I know she’s always going to respond to me just like she is right now, with unconditional love and a ravenous hunger to get me naked.
My girl is fucking perfect.
“I’ll be back soon,krovinka.” I whisper against her lips.
She doesn’t bother asking me where I’m going. She just says, “Be careful,” and then kisses me again.
“It’s so sweet that you worry,” I say with a wink.
