Page 17 of Born into Madness
“That kid is going to be one hell of an asset.” My dad stops talking when our waitress comes back over. She’s been eyeing the two of us since we walked in, probably trying to decide if we’re going to be trouble, but my dad is nothing but polite as he orders the same thing we always get when we come here—twodouble bacon cheeseburgers and fries. Because why have one slice of meat when you can have two and add bacon?
The waitress gives me a quick smile that I ignore before she takes our menus and leaves.
“She likes you,” my dad says. A grin tugs at the corner of his mouth, making his lip ring move.
“But I don’t like her,” I say.
He shrugs and takes another drink. “I just worry about you.”
“I’m fine,” I tell him. “I’m following the rules.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about. I worry about you being alone.”
I scan the room while I say, “Our family is way too big for me to ever be alone. Plus, I have Chort. He hogs the bed and likes to chew on things when he’s pissed at me, but I still like having him around.”
“I’m glad you have a dog you like, but that’s not what I’m talking about and you know it.”
Our waitress comes back, saving me from having to respond. After setting down the two large plates, she looks at me and asks, “Anything else I can do for you?”
There’s already ketchup on the table, so I say, “No, we’re good,” without even bothering to look at her.
When she walks off, I see the look on my dad’s face and know I’ve missed something. “What?”
He shrugs and douses his fries in ketchup. “I didn’t say anything.”
I take the red bottle when he passes it over. “You didn’t have to. What’d I miss?” I jerk my thumb in the direction our waitress had gone. “Was I supposed to say I don’t want to fuck her? Because Pasha said girls don’t like that.”
My dad laughs. “No, they do not, and, no, there was no need to say it to the waitress. She wasn’t pushy, and she didn’t cross the line, but she’s obviously interested in you.”
“But I’m not interested in her.”
Resting his forearms on the table, he ignores his food and looks at me. “Why not?”
I shrug and lean back. “I don’t know. I’m just not. I don’t feel anything when I look at her.”
“Do you feel anything when you look at anyone?”
My mind immediately conjures up the redhead I’d seen, but I ignore the coppery-colored visual and say, “Nothing that’s socially acceptable.”
“Do you look at her and want to kill her?” he asks, making sure to keep his voice low, even though we’re speaking in Russian.
I catch sight of our waitress as she drops off a tray of drinks to one of the other tables. I can imagine killing her, I can imagine myself killing just about anyone. I’ve done it too many times to not be able to immediately envision exactly how it would feel to do it again, but when I look at her, I just feel…nothing.
“I don’t feel the need to,” I say, turning my attention back to my food. “I would be able to in a second if it was called for, and the idea of doing it doesn’t bother me, but I don’t feel anything sexual when I look at her, if that’s what you’re wanting to know.”
He’s quiet for a second before he says, “Well, maybe one day you will feel that for someone.”
I finish chewing before I say, “Maybe it’s better for her if I don’t. I mean, am I the kind of guy you’d want with your daughter?”
“Well, no, because I’m your dad, so you’d be marrying your sister, and I think we can all agree that’s disgusting.”
“You know what I mean,” I say, while he grins.
“Look,” he says, putting his burger down and wiping his fingers on a napkin, “I know there are things you struggle with.”
I raise a brow at the understatement of the year, but he just gives me a quick grin and keeps talking.
“But I know you, son, and I know what kind of heart you have. It may not work like anyone else’s, but that doesn’t make you defective, and it sure as hell doesn’t make you undeserving of love. I know you, Sasha,” he says again. “And I know that once you let someone in, you’d tear the world apart to keep them safe, so, yeah, if you weren’t my son, then I’d be proud to call you my son-in-law, because there isn’t a person alive who could keep one of my daughters safe like you could.”
