Page 89 of Born into Madness
“You really think he wants to marry you, Rusty girl?” he taunts while he runs his eyes over me like he’s disgusted by whathe sees. When he lifts his head, I catch a whiff of the beer that’s lingering around him, and my mouth drops open in surprise.
“You’re drinking again,” I say, too stunned to do anything but gape at him.
He reaches out and touches my hair, and when I try to swat his hand away, he just laughs before he grabs a fistful and gives it a sharp tug that makes me wince. Sasha’s name is on the tip of my tongue, but if I scream, he will kill Billy. He will murder him right here in this house in front of my mom. She’ll call the police. There won’t be any talking her out of it, and then Sasha will go to prison for the rest of his life. I could never do that to him, so I bite back the scream and try to push him off me.
“I didn’t realize you were just a little whore like the rest of them. Tell me, Rusty, how long did it take you before you spread your big thighs for him?”
Horrified by the words coming out of his mouth and the leering look he’s giving me, I stare at him, feeling nothing but disgust and anger at this man who was supposed to be a father to me. He was supposed to love me and care for me, and instead he made my life a living hell and ruined my mom’s life while he was at it.
I’m just about to tell him to go to hell when I see a large, tattooed hand grab onto Billy’s head and shove him back against the wall. It’s hard enough to make a few pictures fall to the floor, and despite how angry Sasha is, he still takes a second to reach over and gently push me back a few steps.
“Watch the glass,krovinka,” he says, waiting for me to nod. When I do, all the light disappears from his eyes as he turns back to look at Billy. I watch the man I love morph into the monster I’ve met once before, but this time I’m not scared. I know who he is now, and I know this side of him will never be aimed at me. Billy, however, is not so fortunate, and when I look over at him, Ialmost laugh at how scared he looks. He’s gone pale, and his eyes keep darting to me for help. Fat fucking chance of that.
Sasha towers over him, pressing his forearm into Billy’s throat and pinning him to the wall.
“What the fuck did you say to her?” Sasha asks. I was expecting an angry growl of words, but there’s something even more unsettling about the calm, dead tone of his voice.
“Nothing,” Billy whines, trying desperately to break free. All his efforts are for nothing, though, and when he sags back against the wall, Sasha tilts his head towards me. “What did he say to you,krovinka?”
“He doesn’t think you want to marry me,” I say. I think about holding back the rest, but one look from Sasha and the words come rushing out. “He called me a whore and wanted to know how long it took me to spread my thighs for you.” I don’t add thebigpart to that sentence because I know that would really send him over the edge.
Sasha leans in and whispers something to Billy that I can’t hear. I see the reaction it causes, though. My stepdad’s eyes widen, and he lets out a breathy gasp. I’ve never seen him look scared before. He’s usually the one instilling fear in others, and I’m guessing he’s learning that being on the receiving end of things isn’t much fun at all.
When Sasha steps back and lets him go, Billy falls to the floor, not even bothering to catch himself. He rubs at his neck and makes a show of coughing, but neither one of us is going to kneel down and pat him on the back to make sure he’s okay. Sasha’s already wrapping an arm around me and pulling me up against him again.
Billy finds his voice and yells, “You’re nothing but a rabid fucking dog. Get the hell out of my house!”
Sasha keeps my hand in his as he kneels down, grinning when Billy panics and scoots his ass a few feet away, not caring that there’s glass all over the floor.
“Be happy Cyn is the one holding the leash right now. It’s the only reason you’re still breathing.” Before he stands, he adds, “I’ll see you soon, Billy.”
I swear my stepdad stops breathing for a second, and before anything else can happen, I grab onto Sasha’s arm and whisper, “Ya khochu uyti.”
As soon as he hears it, he stops and looks down at me. Cupping my face, he nods and then kisses my forehead.
“Let’s go,krovinka,” he says, pulling me towards the door like a man who knows he can’t stay here another minute without hurting someone very badly.
When we’re almost there, my mom comes in from outside, reeking of cigarette smoke. She’d obviously stepped outside for a smoke break and missed all the fun.
“Bye, Mom,” I tell her, knowing it’ll probably be a very long time before I see her again.
She doesn’t seem to care. She gives me a half-hearted wave and then I watch it turn into an angry scowl when Billy calls her name, sounding like a wounded animal instead of a jackass who finally got what was coming to him.
“He’s drinking again,” I tell her before she can race to his rescue.
“Don’t be so dramatic, Cindy. I’m sure you’re imagining things.” As soon as the words are out of her mouth, I know she knows. I can see it on her face so clearly. She’s giving me the same look she’d give me when I was little. When I tried to tell her about all the times he scared me, she’d give me this same goddamn look and make up excuses for him.
“I’m done, Mom,” I tell her, unable to walk away without saying it. “I can’t do this anymore.” I look up at Sasha, lovinghim more in this moment than I think I ever have, and it’s so easy to let everything else go, because why would I cling to that when I have him? Why would I ever settle for less than I deserve after he’s shown me what real love feels like?
Not even my mom’s harsh laugh can make my smile falter. “I’m sure you two will be really happy. You going to invite his parole officer to the wedding, too? Maybe in a few years you and whatever kids you have can go and visit him while he’s in prison.” She sneers as she looks him up and down. “I don’t care how much money your family has. I can see what you really are.”
Sasha’s tone is as unfazed as ever when he says, “I don’t have a parole officer, Nancy, and I can promise you I’ll never end up in prison. Your daughter will be loved and taken care of, and I’m sure she’d love to hear from you one day, but only if you get your shit together first and an apology is the first thing out of your mouth when you see her.”
Without waiting for her to respond, he tucks me closer into his side and leads me from the house I grew up in, the one that’s filled with nothing but memories I’d rather forget. It isn’t until we’re outside and the cool air is hitting my face that I realize I made it through a visit without having a panic attack. It’s the first time that’s ever happened, and I know the man next to me is the reason for it.
When we’re close to his Jeep, he stops and turns me so I’m facing him. The pain in his eyes has the smile I’m still wearing start to falter.
“I’m sorry,krovinka,” he whispers while he cups my face and kisses my forehead.
