Page 56 of Love Me
“Why do you think that is?” she asked, moving closer.
“I’m not exactly sure. I know he wants me as much as I want him, but something is clearly bothering him. I have a feeling that when he looks at me, he sees a broken, fragile girl. Maybe I am or was. I lost my family and up until recently, I wasn’t handling it the right way. But I am now. I’m working as hard as I can and what I need from them is to treat me normally—like I’m not broken and fragile, because if they can’t see me like that, then how will I?”
With sad eyes, she put her hand on my upper arm. “Do they all treat you like that? Have you tried talking to them?”
I nodded. “The other three have gotten better. Knox, though, I don’t know. He won’t talk to me. I’ve asked him if he wanted to take things slow and he said no, but the last couple of times we’ve kissed, things got heated and he got me so worked up, I just…I wanted…”
“You wished he’d bend you over and fuck you until you don’t know your own name?” Isabelle offered.
“Yes! And each time he pulls away, I’m left feeling like a sex-crazed teenager.”
“You have plenty of other guys to curb the horny hormones, so don’t let his rejection make you feel insecure,” she said. “And if he’s not ready to be intimate with you, then he shouldn’t lead you on like that.”
“When we’re in the moment, it’s as if he can’t help it. Like he so badly wants to forget what’s holding him back. He manages to until something jars his focus from me and he’s reminded.”
“Hmm,” she hummed as she appeared to ponder. “There are two ways you can handle this. You can continue to try and talk it out and hope you get through to him. Or, if you’re brave enough, seduce the stubborn bastard. Show him you can handle everything he’s got, because, Shi, you don’t need him or any of your guys to think you’re unbroken and strong to be that way. As long as you know it, that’s all that matters. And maybe if you believe it, then he will, too.”
I was a little taken aback as her words sank in. She was right. I shouldn’t need the guys to treat me normally to feel normal. It sure helped. But I shouldn’t have to look to them to gauge what I felt. I had to do it on my own.
“How would I seduce him?” I asked.
A big grin spread across her face. “What’s his favorite color?”
Before I could answer, my phone started ringing. “One sec,” I said to her, and she went back to sifting through the racks of costumes. I pulled my phone from my purse. The screen readUnknown. I still answered, thinking it might be Logan or Ian. “Hello?”
The line was quiet.
“Hello?” I said again, and when there still wasn’t an answer, I hung up.
Before I could put my phone back in my purse, it rang again.
“Hello?” I answered. When all I got back was silence, I hung up, put my phone on vibrate, and tossed it back in my purse.
Trying not to feel unnerved, I continued to go through the clown costumes. When I finally found Pennywise, I noticed they had multiple variations. Picking the two I liked best, I held them up for Isabelle to see. “Which one?”
She eyed the costumes. “Colt picked Pennywise as your costume?”
“ITwas my favorite scary movie once upon a time.”
“Not anymore?”
“It’s been a while since I’ve seen it.” It was the best thing I could come up with without lying.
“You should watch it again. Oh! We can have a horror movie night. You can sleep over at my house or I can stay at yours. I’m free this Friday.”
The more she talked, the more excited she got, and I didn’t have the heart to tell her no. My throat became tight. “We can do it at my house.”
She clapped her hands excitedly. “Yay for girls’ night!”
It would be all right. The only way to get back things I’d lost was to take them back. Or was I being stupid? Had I just set us both up to be traumatized on Friday? I didn’t want to do that to Isabelle. Maybe my doubt was my fear talking? Would I feel like this the day of the party? Was I all talk and no action when it came to taking back my life?
I could do it.
I had to try.
I couldn’t let my determination be overpowered by fear.
If I flashed back to that night because of what I saw, then so be it. I had to face it. I had to face what had happened that night. I couldn’t avoid it any longer.
