Page 35 of Love Me
“The last nightmare I had, he cut their throats while they were sleeping next to me. Their blood was everywhere. All over the bed, my hands. I couldn’t wake them up. He killed them just like he did Shayla.” Every part of me shook, even my voice.
“Colt and Creed?” Knox said.
I gave him a weak nod. “This dream…” I went on. “It felt like a continuation. It was the middle of the night. He was walking from the twins’ side of the house. I knew they were already dead and how. I had already dreamt it. He looked right at me and didn’t even attempt to come for me. It was as if he knew I couldn’t do anything to stop him—that I would just stand there frozen in fear. It’s what I did that night. I just stood there, even though Shayla told me to run. I watched him cut her throat. I hid as he stabbed my mother over and over and over.” My eyes became blurry with tears again. “When he started walking toward yours and Keelan’s rooms, I couldn’t just stand there. I was scared, but I was more scared of losing you.” I covered my face, crying and overcome with self-loathing. I’d die fighting Mr. X if it meant the four of them would live. I knew it in my bones. How come I hadn’t done the same for my family? “I should have fought for them. I was a coward.”
Knox pulled my hands away from my face. “It’s easy to look back and wish you’d done something different. You’re older and know how to defend yourself now. You’re going over your memories with experience and knowledge that a sixteen-year-old you didn’t have.”
That may have helped ease some of the guilt I had, but it didn’t erase the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach.
I held Knox’s eyes and fisted the front of his shirt. “What am I doing, Knox?”
“Shi—”
“He’ll kill you,” I cut him off as panic took hold of me. “If he finds me, he will kill all of you. You and your brothers. Your family, Knox. You were right. I’m a threat. Because of me, everything you fought to hold together after everything you four have been through will be destroyed. I can’t do this to you. I can’t let this happen.”
He captured the sides of my face. “Take a deep breath.”
I couldn’t.
The clock was ticking.
I was running out of time.
I grabbed his wrists and squeezed. “I can’t do this. I can’t be here. He’s going to find me.” I tried to pull my face away to no avail.
“Shiloh—”
“I have to protect you,” I cut him off again. My whole body shook, and I felt like if I didn’t run away right then and there, Mr. X would see me with them.
“Shiloh!” Knox shouted.
Startled, my whole body jerked against him.
“Take a deep breath,” he ordered again.
Stunned, I did as he said.
“Again. This time in through your nose and out through your mouth.”
I did. He had me breathe like that over and over until the need to run away and the feeling of time running out began to fade. As I calmed, I realized what had happened. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.
His thumbs brushed my wet cheeks. “Listen to me very carefully,” he said. “We take the possibility of X finding you very seriously. The four of us have talked about it extensively. And some of those conversations were not easy. Right after you told us you were in witness protection, the four of us had the biggest fight I think we’ve ever had. I wanted my brothers to pause things with you until we all got a better understanding of the risks.”
“Don’t take all the blame, Knox. I was the one who suggested it,” Keelan said from behind me.
Knox released my face so I could look over my shoulder. Colt, Creed, and Keelan were all standing where the kitchen transitioned into the dining room. All of them looked sullen.
Creed had his arms folded over his chest, his face downcast. “I told them to fuck off.”
“We both did,” Colt said, looking from Creed to me. “It hadn’t changed anything for us. Knowing. It had been a shock, sure. But I remember feeling we had finally gained your missing piece. The one that made all the other pieces of you make sense.”
“We had finally gotten all of you, and we weren’t going to give you up,” Creed said.
“Because of that, we argued all day that day,” Keelan said. “Until we came up with a compromise. You would continue to be in our lives, but we would take the risk of X seriously, learn as much as we could about him, and talk about our concerns.”
“One of those concerns, which required many discussions, was what we would do if X found you,” Knox said, drawing my attention back to him. “There isn’t a sure way of how to handle it if he does, but we came up with a few game plans and we’ve been doing our best to be prepared if he does.”
“Prepared how?” I asked.
