Page 13 of What Is Love
I looked to my left, meeting Monroe’s eyes again. He was frowning.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“I think I got engaged today,” I blurted.
His frown was quickly washed away by surprise.
“I don’t know why I’m surprised. Everything else in my life has been planned for me. Why not pick the guy I’m supposed to fuck the rest of my life.” I took another puff and held it in for a few heartbeats before exhaling. “The worst thing about having your life planned for you is that you can see the future. I’m going to go to a college I don’t want to go to, while shackled to a guy I don’t want to be with. It’ll be expected of me to be the perfect, loyal fiancée. And by perfect, I’ll have to be supportive of his hopes and dreams all while faking an orgasm every timeI have to have sex with him. He’ll be loyal to me. That is, for at least halfway through freshman year of college. His excuses will be that he got too drunk or he was tired of getting teased by his frat buddies for being tied down or some other stupid reason I won’t care to know. I’ll turn a blind eye because what else am I supposed to do? We’ll get married after graduation and I’ll go work for my grandfather’s company. I’ll eventually get promoted quickly because I’d rather be at work than home. My husband will continue to sleep with other women but won’t bother hiding it anymore and his excuse will be that I work too much. Again, I won’t care. Better them than me. Also because I’ll be too busy sitting on my assistant’s face, not having to fake anything, between meetings in my corner office.”
I was pretty sure my verbal diarrhea left them speechless, because no one said anything for a good minute. Until Blondie finally spoke.
“What the hell did you put in that joint, Roe?”
I glanced at Blondie as I took one last small puff. He was staring at Monroe with a stunned expression.
“I’m a little scared to ask her to give it back to us,” Blondie said. “Or are all girls at Kendry this candid?”
I held the joint out to him. “I’m having a pity party, and I wouldn’t say we’re all honest, but we’re definitely all entitled pricks at Kendry.”
Before Blondie took the joint from me, the brunette snagged it from my fingers. “At least you’re aware,” he mumbled as he brought the joint to his mouth. His voice was deep, and his eyes were narrowed as he stared at me.
Monroe gave the brunette a disapproving look.
“Except for you, Monroe,” I said, capturing his attention.
“Except for me what?” he asked.
“You aren’t one of us,” I said, making him frown again. “And don’t ever try to be. You don’t want to be like us. Aftergraduation you’re going to go off and be amazing, successful, and powerful. You’re too smart not to.”
His frown never let up. “Have you been drinking?”
“No.” I could see why he thought that. I’d spoken more to him now than in the past four years combined. I didn’t know why. I always did things around him I didn’t normally do. Maybe this time was because I was desperate for an outlet.
The sound of my phone ringing from the ground made me close my eyes and sigh. “I have to go back.” Despite being relaxed from the joint, my voice still held reluctance. Fear was my only reason for turning around and walking back to my stuff. “Thanks for the vent session,” I said over my shoulder as I scooped up my heels.
As I was quickly putting things back into my purse, Monroe spoke. “What if I don’t want to be powerful?”
With the last of my things picked up and stuffed into my small purse, I stood to face Monroe. He had the joint and was exhaling the smoke through pursed lips.
“What if I want to be an assistant?” he said.
Blondie huffed a laugh, and the brunette rolled his eyes.
It took me a second, but I realized what he was implying. My heart did a little skip. Not out of fear. It was a different feeling I wasn’t used to. It was a little bit euphoric and made me feel jittery beneath my skin. “I’m not sure you’re qualified to be my assistant.”
The corner of his mouth lifted. “Oh, I’m qualified.”
I had a witty retort, but before I could say it, my phone rang again. Whatever I was feeling with Monroe was quickly snuffed out. I needed to go back before Brandon came looking for me. “I’ll have to take your word for it,” I said as I took the path back to the party.
Chapter Four
There were veryfew things I found comforting and the smell of coffee was one of them. I had a dream that one day I could run away somewhere no one could find me. I wouldn’t feel afraid or have to be anyone other than myself. I’d spend my mornings just sitting on the porch of my small, but cozy home holding a warm mug of coffee in my hands. Some days I ached to feel that freedom and sense of peace. Staring at my black coffee, I imagined how my first act of free will would be to try my coffee with cream or sugar. It sounded like it would taste amazing. I’d only drunk it black. Mother would kill me otherwise. If coffee didn’t help with the constant hollowness in my stomach, I probably wouldn’t have developed a taste for it as-is. Now, coffee was life.
After taking a sip, I let out a sigh before setting my mug back down on the table I was sitting at in one of Summerhaven’s best cafés. It was located on the south side of the bridge, like the majority of the businesses in our city. It was very busy today. Every table was occupied. People were constantly coming and going. I sort of felt bad for occupying a four-seater. In my defense, it had been the only one available when I had arrived.
I glanced at the time on my laptop sitting in front of me on the table. I still had an hour before I had to meet Brandon at the movie theater down the street. Just thinking about him brought my thoughts back to Friday night. After my freak-out in front of Monroe and his friends, I’d met back up with Brandon. He had been a little bit past tipsy and spent the rest of the night getting completely drunk. I’d been terrified of getting in a car with him behind the wheel. Fortunately, he’d been fine getting a rideshare. Unfortunately, he’d kept touching me and trying to kiss me the entire drive. Leaning or turning away had been the only ways to protect my lips. I’d been able to smell the beer mixed with tequila on his breath from just sitting next to him. Had he managed to kiss me on the mouth, I would have thrown up.
Even though my house had been closer, the driver of the rideshare had helped me take Brandon home first. As soon as we’d arrived, Brandon had tried to get me to come inside with him. “My parents won’t hear you when I make you moan,” he’d said loud enough for the driver to hear as he’d assaulted my cheek and the side of my jaw for the fifth time in the short drive. I’d lied, saying Mother wanted me home. He’d seemed to believe me and gotten out of the car.
