Page 45 of What Is Love
“He won’t understand—” I started to say as I glanced in Brandon’s direction. Words left me when my eyes locked with Brandon’s. He looked from Roe and Wyatt to me, and it was clear as day that he was not okay with it. He started heading our way.
I quickly dropped my hand from Wyatt’s jacket and looked at Roe. “He saw us. He’s coming over here.” There was so much fear and panic in my voice I’d forgotten to hide. I met his storm-blue eyes, not knowing what to do. “Roe.” My voice was pleading.
He quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out a baggie of joints. “Hold out your hand,” he said as he opened the bag. I did as he said and glanced in Brandon’s direction. He was weaving and pushing around people, trying to make his way over here.
Roe put a joint in my hand. “There’s your excuse.” His voice told me he wasn’t happy. He leaned his head toward Wyatt. “Let’s get this over with.”
Wyatt looked from Roe to me as he nodded, his eyes full of questions. Then both of them walked off seconds before Brandon approached.
“What were you doing talking to them?” he snapped, his voice demanding.
I tried not to flinch and held up a joint. “I figured it’d help loosen me up.”
He snatched the joint from my fingers. “You don’t need to be smoking that shit.” He turned to look in Roe and Wyatt’s direction. They were making their way around the party. They had stopped to talk to a couple of jocks and there was a quick exchange of cash for joints.
Brandon turned back toward me and leaned close. “I don’t want you talking to trash from the wrong side of the bridge.”
Biting my tongue, I nodded.
“Good. My drink?” he asked, and I handed it to him. He took a sip, seemed pleased, and grabbed my hand to pull me back outside.
I stood with him silently, like an obedient girlfriend, for a while. People joined and left the group Brandon was happy to be glued to. The girl with the shots came by again. That time, Brandon took a shot. His good friend and fellow teammate Oliver joined the group and brought Brandon another drink. I saw Alicia and Evie were here. I wasn’t shocked that they didn’t stop by to say hello. Instead, Alicia just glared at me, flipped her hair, and stalked back into the house, with Evie trailing behind.
I yearned for a break from just standing there as he drank, hung with his teammates, and groped me. His hand grabbed my ass, rubbed up and down my side, until he left it on my ribs so his thumb could brush the side of my boob. He didn’t care if his teammates saw, which they did. Most pretended not to. Others enjoyed the show. Brandon didn’t care that I was uncomfortable. I was an object. I was his object.
When talk shifted to sex, the urge to walk away for a bit was too strong to ignore.
“I’ll be right back,” I said, hoping he was too distracted listening to one of his teammates blabber on about a girl giving him head in the dugout after a game one time.
I went to walk away, but his arm around me tightened and pulled me flush against him. “Kiss me before you go.”
I tilted my head back to offer myself to him. His hand went to the back of my neck just before his mouth covered mine. I had expected it to just be a peck, but when I went to pull away, his hand held me in place. His tongue slid across the seam of my lips before pushing between them. I went stiff, unable to do much more without causing a scene. His tongue explored my mouth and assaulted my tongue. It was violating. I was a little in shock as he pulled away.
“Don’t be gone long,” he told me.
I nodded and stared at the ground as I headed back into the house. The farther I got from him, the more what had just happened really sank in. I was scared to swallow. I could still taste him in my mouth, and if I didn’t wash it out right away, I’d vomit.
Once inside, I realized I didn’t know where the restroom was. What if I found it and there was a line?
Quickly deciding what to do, I beelined for the kitchen and grabbed the first bottle of alcohol I saw. I dropped my water cup in the sink. I debated for a second whether or not to wash my mouth out there, but worried how that would look and whether rumors would travel back to Brandon. I looked around and saw another door leading outside at the other end of the kitchen. I took it, realizing that it led to the backyard, too, but closer to the side of the house. I walked until no one could see me from the deck. The bushes I was standing in front of really helped hide me. I quickly unscrewed the cap off the bottle, which was a very expensive vodka, and brought it to my lips. I filled my mouth, swished, gargled, and spit into the bushes.
“You know, I’ve never seen someone so repulsed by a kiss that they had to gargle with vodka,” a voice sounding like Wyatt said.
I straightened as I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. To my right, in the direction I had come from, Roe and Wyatt were standing not even five feet from me. Roe was smoking a joint, his expression schooled as he watched me.
Wyatt had his hands in his leather jacket pockets, letting it show on his face that he was put off. “Your boyfriend looks like a terrible kisser. It was like he was trying to reach your tonsils.”
I gagged. “Ugh, stop it or I’ll throw up.”
Both of their brows lifted in surprise. I filled my mouth again, swished, and leaned behind the bushes so I could spit without them seeing me. The burn of the alcohol helped with the taste, but it didn’t erase the feeling. I straightened again and let out a frustrated noise. “It won’t go away.” My eyes began to burn and I quickly filled my mouth again, but this time I swallowed.
“What won’t go away?” Roe asked.
“He fucking knows I don’t want to be with him and he doesn’t care,” I seethed. I wanted to scream and yell. I took another drink instead.
Wyatt came over to me. “Whoa, there,” he said, snatching the vodka bottle. “From what you just said, you don’t want to be drunk around a guy like that.”
I tried to snatch it back.
