Page 129 of Beyond The Maples
I realize my hands are shaking, so I grab the wall. Deacon notices the movement and moves in, throwing his arm around me.
"Hey, I promise, ok? Whatever it is, we'll figure it out."
I groan. Why does he have to be supportive right now? It only solidifies what a terrible person I am for waiting this long to tell him.
"I'm leaving," I spit out, bowing my head. "I'm leaving and I'm taking Linden and Willow, I'm getting out of this ruined shit-hole of a country. We're heading to Zaphira. I've foundescortswho will take us through." He stills, clearly stunned, and I hold up my hand to stop the interruption I know is forming between his lips. "Zaphira isn't what you think it is, Dea. They're doing alright over there. Their agriculture never died out. Here, the Council is... I haven't been able to figure out everything... just that they are drugging us. Magic isn't what we thought it was, and they have lied about... " A bitter laugh rolls off my tongue, pretending to count on my hands. "Ooh I don't know, about a hundred things, and nothing, I meannothingDeacon, is what we think it is. Everything is convoluted, and hidden, and messy, and I'm getting out. And I'm sorry— I'm so sorry you followed me here and now I'm leaving you behind with this…" I gesture out over the city that's just coming to life…"this mess," I whisper.
I close my eyes, blowing out a nervous breath.
"Maple," he begs, trying to get me to open my eyes. But I don't, because I don't want to cry right now. And if I look at his sweet, dumb face—the one I've been looking at since I was five—Iwillcry.
"Maple, come on," he nudges me, and I gasp, even though I'm clearly not going to fall, but he gets what he wants, because now I'm looking at him.
"I have a lot of questions," he says matter-of-factly.
"I figured."
"But, I guess the most important one is, when do we leave?" He's staring at me, his eyes and hair a vibrant copper in the morning light, and I can't help the tears that sting my eyes.
"Deacon, I can't let you come with me. I love you, but I can't letyou come," I shake my head.
"And why not?" he asks, amused.
"Because! You have your own family— and I don't need your protection, in case you haven't noticed. I can't drag you into unknown chaos when your life is good here. You'll do fine, even if they make you finish your stint. Whatever flak you'll get after we leave, I'm sure your family connections will keep you safe." My eyes shutter slightly as I think about Zander.
He snorts, and I glare at him.
"This isn't funny, Deacon. I'm serious. You've already given up too much. You can go home now, meet a nice girl. Go find Hollis and marry her, and make beautiful little babies or something."
He looks momentarily mortified.
"What? Gods, no thank you," he shakes his head. "I'm only going to say this once, so now it's your turn to listen to me."
He turns to me so I'm facing him.
"Youare my family, Maple Treow. You have been my family since before I can remember, and I am coming with you. I believe in you. I know there's..." he hesitates, like it's painful, "I know there's bad stuff happening right now. I may not fully agree with leaving, but I want to come. I want to help. And Willow and Linden are my family, too."
Tears slip down my cheeks now. There's really no stopping the swell of emotion from overwhelming me. I shake my head again, still wanting to talk some sense into him.
"Deacon, you have a real family here—sisters, and parents, and a good life. It's all waiting for you back home. I was serious when I said you could settle down and make adorable little Deacons to love. Maybe name one Maple. It's a good name." I laugh, but it comes out more of a sniffle. His jaw clenches.
"No. If you go, I go."
He moves to rest his forehead against mine, like we used to do all the time, but the intimacy of it has me tensing. He registers my flinch, and he pulls back, brows furrowed. Maybe it's unfair of me to put new rules on our relationship, but it feels like I have to.
"Tell me I can come. I love you. I love all of you guys. There's nothing here for me, if you go." There's utter desperation in his eyes, and it makes my chest ache. "Maple, I know my life has been fairly easy. I get that this might not make sense to you, but you're the only person—well, you, and Willow, and Linden—that make me feel like I belong somewhere. Like I'm important. Worth something."
He wipes the tears falling down my face and I turn with a sigh, looking back over the city.
He takes this for what it is, my acceptance. He bumps shoulders with me.
"So, when do we leave on our grand adventure?"
"Tonight."
"Tonight?! Gods have mercy, Maple. Not really giving me a lot of time to prep."
"I'm sorry," I say, but I don't mean it. He doesn'thaveto come, I remind myself.
