Page 61 of Beyond The Maples
My chest tightens, so I turn and keep walking. It's easier to be honest when we aren't facing each other.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Of course," he replies softly.
My next words come out in a flurried exhale. "Why did you kiss me that night? And then just... stop?" I see his face strain.
"Straight for the kill, I see." He smiles, looking up at the sky like he's trying to find the right words.
"I need to know. You've had all the time in the world to kiss me. You're not blind. You know how I feel about you... Why there haven't been many others. So, answer my question. Why would you go there only to do a complete turnaround in a matter of minutes?"
I try to keep the hostility out of my voice, to sound unbothered. But truthfully, it had hurt my feelings. I tried to convince myself it was just a goodbye, a way to express ourselves when words didn't seem enough. But time away had only clouded that, and it bugged me.
I wait and wait, and just as I'm about to get fed up, he lets out a breath.
"You're not the only one who feels that way, Maple. I have wanted to kiss you since... well, since I can remember." He hesitates and seems like he's about to say more, but doesn't.
Frustration gets the better of me.
"That's not really answering my question." I look over and catch something fleeting across his face. Guilt, maybe?
"Look, you're not the only one that has people relying on them. I care about you. In more ways than I'll ever admit. I'm just not sure we should cross that line. You are my best friend, and honestly, that's more important to me than anything else. I can't risk us."
I bite my lip, trying to hide my face as the pang of his words ring through me hollowly. The thinly veiled rejection. Looking over at him, I catch it again, that indistinguishable emotion passing across his face. And it makes me pause. Why does it feel like he's leaving out vital parts of this equation?
"Understood," is all I can muster back. Even though nothing is understood at all.
"You understand? You're not mad?" he pleads.
I nod, kicking my feet lightly in the dust on the path;and although I'm actually not sure about either, I decide to let it be. I'm not about to convince someone to be with me. If he wants to leave our relationship as it is, I'll respect that.
He bumps into me playfully, pulling me from my thoughts.
"So, what exactly did I walk in on back there? I didn't think Leo and Farra were actually together."
I can't help it, I laugh. "Oh, they definitely aren't."
"So, what then? It was weird, right?" He looks at me hopefully, wanting in on our inside jokes. I hesitate and for just a fraction of a second, think of telling Deacon what's really going on. About the plant, about our little investigation.
But something deep in my gut says to stay quiet. Maybe part of protecting Deacon is keeping him at arm’s reach for this stuff. He's clearly kept stuff from me, and maybe that is okay. Maybe that's just how our relationship has evolved with age.
"No, Leo just actually drives Farra to insanity. You'd be surprised at how many interactions result in him being injured." I laugh again, and it's true. And that's the best kind of lie, isn't it? One laced with bitter half-truths?
Afist connects with my ribs, forcing all the air from me. I clench my jaw, the pain turning to a dull ache. I attempt to block another flurry of attacks. The cadet lunges again, and connects with my jaw this time. The pain is so acute, I have to remind myself to breathe through it. I hear something from the sidelines, one of my friends calling for mercy, but I know how this works. One of us has to yield. We'd started sparring outside of our own unit crews the last few weeks.
This guy is relentless, and clearly has no issues hitting a woman half his size, which I appreciate. I land a few decent blows; but never throw my weight, which has increased significantly since being here, thankfully.
My once-lean limbs are filled with muscle I didn't even know I could have, and I love it. My new curves make me feel oddly powerful.
Leadership has implemented a new points system, in hopes to push for better results among us, but it's only led to bickering amongst crews. The Legion's solution to the petty bickering, is to add points for everything. A barbaric system that only heightens an already hostile environment. Points for sparring, points for practical and tactical training, points for basically anything leadership feels like. They also love to take points away from cadets, which has caused everyone to be wound pretty tight. It's chaos.
"OK, I've seen enough. Take five," comes a deep, husky voice from behind me.
I flinch, knowing before I even turn that Tane is standing there. He saunters near the ring while I try to gulp down water, avoiding his gaze.
"Treow, is there a reason you're holding back?" he asks casually.
"I'm not holding back," I huff, not bothering to look at him, which I know I shouldn't do. We've been taught to stand at attention whenspeaking to commanding officers, but I can't bring myself to care. At the moment, my aching ribs are stealing my manners.
