Page 30 of Casualties of War
He squeezed the cup, fighting to contain his growing anger. “You said we couldn’t be. Not anymore.”
She stared at him, her eyes widening even more. Then she rolled them. “You and your damn Vistarian honor! Thatwasyearsago! I said it because of Stuart!”
“I know.”
“It’s all changed now.”
“It has,” he said, as calmly as he could. “We’re not those people anymore.”
“Bullshit,” she said, her voice low.
“What do youwantof me?” he demanded, his temper snapping. His breath came shorter. “I stayed away. I got on with my life and you came back. I adjusted to that, too. Now what, Parris?”
Her eyes glitteredand her jaw worked. “I want you to tell me you don’t blame me!”
“I just did!”
“You’re an actor! How can I believe you?”
He stared at her, his chest heaving, his mind whirling. “Have you believed nothing I’ve ever told you?”
“You didn’t call!” she cried. “What was I supposed to think?”
His anger drained as suddenly as it had arrived. “Nothing,” he said, cold calm returning. “You weren’t supposedto think anything but the truth.”
“Whatisthe truth?”
“That I’m the one to blame,” he breathed. He couldn’t look at her. He strode to the sink, dumped the coffee and rinsed the cup.
“Oh my God…” Parris whispered.
He turned, alarmed by the note in her voice.
She was clutching her head. “You think I left him because of you.”
Now she had said the words aloud, he wanted to deny them. They seemedso self-centered. Only, denying it would be another form of lying. He made himself speak the truth instead. “Not directly,” he told her. “That night on the boat, I put a chink in your marriage. Maybe it was a fatal chink, maybe there were others I don’t know about, but I definitely weakened it. So yes, I know I’m to blame for your divorce.”
Parris moved over to the Edra sofa and sat on the arm.She put her feet on the cushion and wrapped her arms around her knees as if she was cold. Her gaze met his. “That’s why you didn’t call.”
“I didn’t know it until now, but yes.”
Her gaze was steady. “I figured I was to blame, not you.”
Adán leaned on the counter to anchor himself there and provide support. He felt light and weak. “You did nothing wrong.”
“I drove him away,” she said. “Becauseof who I am.”
“That’s Stuart’s issue, not yours.”
“An issue he couldn’t live with.” Her eyes glittered even harder and Adán realized she was close to tears. “Am I unlovable, Adán? Because I picked this life, no man will ever be able to bear me in theirs?”
There were so many things he could say in response, all of them raw truth he had never spoken. The words screamed in his mind.Be inmylife!
Only, he didn’t know if she wanted that. If she wantedhim. No woman deserved the life he had to offer, in the hothouse atmosphere of the top observation deck of Lalaland.
When he didn’t answer straight away, Parris nodded. “Thought so,” she said sadly.
Adán stirred. “You can’t judge all men by the actions of one man.”
