Page 91 of Skinwalker's Bane
The silhouette was familiar. Adam.
So she printed a second mug and took them both out to where he was sitting cross-legged on the dirt. She handed him one and sat in front of him, imitating his crossed legs. “There’s a perfectly good sofa inside,” she pointed out.
He rested his mug on the dirt, letting his hand hover over it until it settled. “I didn’t think I should use it. Besides,” he added, “it’s a lot easier to think, out here.” He looked around. “I hadn’t realized how nice it was at night, when the heat slacks off. It’s peaceful.”
“It is.” She frowned. “Too peaceful. I thought there would be at least a few messages waiting for me. Definitely one from the Bridge, kicking my ass for taking over at the end, there.”
“There arehundredsof messages,” Adam told her. “I asked the AI to hold everything, shut down all the alerts and go silent. It was going insane, juggling them all.”
“Oh.”
“Including the Bridge—dozens of them,” he added. “I don’t think they want to kick your butt, either.”
She squeezed her mug. “Thank you for shutting it all off. I think I needed the sleep.”
“Everyone does. I even got a couple hours myself.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “It didn’t last.”
“Does the Institute need you?” Devin asked. “They must be beside themselves. Losing the Captain. She was their ally and supporter.”
“I hadn’t even thought about that,” Adam said, his voice rough. In the light reflecting from the dayside of the rotunda, his eyes glittered. “I had other things to worry about.”
“What else has happened?” she asked, her concern rising. What had occurred while she was sleeping?
He rubbed the back of his neck again. “I’ve been a complete and utter idiot, is what has happened.”
“It’s going around,” Devin assured him. “The riot wouldn’t have started if more people had been not-stupid.”
His smile was brief. “You’ve even picked that up, haven’t you? You’re so good at that, at measuring and adapting, atlistening.”
Her heart jumped. “It’s my job to listen.”
“It’s supposed to be everyone’s job to listen. You reallydolisten.” He threaded his hands together. “Do you think…would you listen to me for just a minute? I know the last time we talked, we didn’t really talk. I said a lot of things at you then walked away and for that, you have the right to tell me to leave again.”
Her heart beat harder. “I can listen, at least,” she said cautiously.
He sighed. “Lincoln was the perfect skinwalker, you know.”
“Lincoln?” she asked, surprised. Why was he talking about Lincoln?
“He started all this,” Adam said. “He died an honorable skinwalker death. Hit by one of the last Junkyard asteroids. He lived the life of a skinwalker, too. He did it despite falling in love.”
She drew in a breath, trying to calm her pulse, for it was beating in her temple, making it hurt and she wanted to hear everything Adam said.
“I can’t do what he did,” Adam said heavily. “I can’t live the life. I thought I could. I did it for eight years now and thought I was doing fine. Then Lincoln died and that brought you into my life. You ruined it all.”
She swallowed. “I’m sorry…”
He shook his head. “You were the bane of my life and I’ve been sitting here thinking how lucky I am you turned up when you did or I might have ended up like Lincoln, with an empty life and no one to give a damn if I died out there.”
Devin put her coffee aside with a hand that trembled. “Adam, I—”
“No, let me finish,” he said quickly. “I picked that fight with you so I could avoid saying all this. I didn’t even know why—I hadn’t even sorted it out in my own mind. Then I saw you go down in the riot and it all just…fell into place.” He lifted his head and looked up at the daylit green overhead. “I think my heart actually turned over. Until I got to you and could see you were still breathing, I was ready to kill the bastard. That’s when I realized.”
Devin pressed her lips together, resisting the need to speak.
“Skinwalkers shouldn’t have lifetime partners,” Adam said softly. “It doesn’t work for them. Even Haydn told me that. Except itdoeswork for some. Gelin has three partners and it works for him. Even Maria has an obnoxious regular friend she thinks no one knows about. Lincoln, though…Lincoln, the perfect skinwalker,didfall in love, yet he held himself away from it. I can’t help thinking about that, about how lonely his life must have been. What a complete waste of time it was. You didn’t evenknow.”
He reached out to pick up her hand. “This is coming out all sideways and backward,” he said. “I’m still trying to sort through it. I do know I have to say it. I have to tell you I love you, because if I don’t, I know I’ll end up the same way as Lincoln, with an empty life and no one to care.”
