Page 102 of Nice Guys Don't Kiss Like That At Christmas
I text Claire.
Me
Is it quitting if I decide against applying to the Chicago coordinator position?Flakiest nurse ever?
Claire
If you’re still judging yourself by what others might think of you and not what you want to do?
Wait, that was harsh.I just got up from my nap.
Me
It wasn’t harsh.It was kind of true.
Claire
I’ll miss you in Chicago.But coming back to show Chuck isn’t a good reason.The coordinator position is full-time and you still get tired some days because of everything.And you mentioned before that ER fulfilled you until it didn’t… And it’s Christmas.Give yourself the gift of options.
Me
Options… I like that.
Claire
There you go.Okay, so, is Mike single?
Me
Yep.
Claire
Might need to visit Pine Creek soon.Love you.
Three hours later, the application for Sandwich Bay Elementary is open on my laptop.They’re looking for a school nurse.And I fit the profile.Plus, they’re looking to hire someone quickly.Someone to start right after winter break.The position has been opened for a while, but it doesn’t look like they found anyone yet.
It’s now almost four o’clock, and every field is meticulously completed—my credentials, experience, references—everything except the final click ofSubmitthat would send it into the universe.My cursor hovers, but I don’t click.
And yes, there’s a Hallmark movie on.About second chances, of course.
Next to me, LoverBoy curls in a perfect donut shape, his tiny body rising and falling with each breath.Blanche watches from the floor with that knowing gaze that sees through my clinical detachment.Dorothy arranges Adam’s stolen socks in a pattern only her dachshund brain understands.
At least she’s never tried to eat one, I tell myself.I can trust her with socks.I can trust myself with this application.
“It’s just an application,” I tell the dogs, rubbing the spot between LoverBoy’s ears.“A logical career pivot.Sixty percent position, holidays, allowing adequate recovery time between shifts, reduced stress levels, consistent hours...I can do that, especially if I move back closer to home and won’t have to pay rent for a bit.”
I stare at the blinking cursor.Diagnosis: Submission hesitation with a side ofwhat-if-itis.
I’m doing it again: using medical terminology to distance myself from what this really means.Going back to Cape Cod.Going home.
I glance at the“Why This Position Interests You”section I’ve completed.Unlike the straightforward credential fields, this one had taken me nearly an hour to write.The words stare back at me:
After years in emergency medicine, I’m seeking to apply my skills in a setting where I can develop ongoing relationships with patients and their families.Working with children has always been the most rewarding aspect of my nursing career.The 65% position structure would allow me to dedicate time to developing community health initiatives, particularly my concept for integrated human and animal healthcare support programs for families facing medical crises.Having grown up in Barnstable, I understand the unique healthcare challenges and opportunities in Cape Cod communities...
What I haven’t written:I’m burned out from the ER.From the constant adrenaline crash.From never seeing patients’ full journeys.From worrying that every mistake could be weaponized against me.
I also haven’t written:I’m tired of running from who I was, from what happened to me, from the place that shaped me.
