Page 39 of Girl, We Go Together
“That’s not uncommon, but now it’s extra important to pay attention to your body. And to watch what you eat. You’ll want to keep the pregnancy weight gain within a healthy range.”
Before I could even respond, Orion let out a low chuckle from the corner.
“Guess that’s gonna be tough for her.”
The words sliced through me, sharp and quick. The doctor gave him a look. She did not seem amused by his comment, but instead of addressing him, she spoke directly to me.
“Try and keep the stress to a minimum too,” she quickly said before she kept typing.
I forced a laugh, pretending like his words didn’t sting. Pretending like some of his words at times didn’t hurt me was starting to become tiring. It was becoming something that was now second nature to me, and I hated that shit. I blinked away tears and then forced a slight smile when the doctor made eye contact with me.
“Any questions?” she asked, her smile returning.
I shook my head quickly, though a thousand thoughts swirled inside my head. I had so many questions about the baby, about Orion, about whether I was strong enough to do this with a man who could make me feel so small with his careless jokes. The thing is, at this point, I was starting to believe that they weren’t jokes at all. My weight gain had become a problem for him, and rather than just spitting that shit out, he hit me with sly remarks and hurtful comments regarding my size whenever he could.
I glanced at Orion. He was scrolling on his phone again and not even looking up. Once he saw the baby, our baby on thesonogram, he was back to being uninterested. I think the only reason he tore his eyes away from the phone was to make sure I was actually pregnant. I couldn’t believe I had put myself in this situation. For the first time since I’d seen those two pink lines, I felt completely alone in that room.
The ride home was quiet except for the hum of the engine and the faint bass thumping from some car a few lanes over. I stared out the window, just watching the city life blur past, trying to focus on anything other than the heartache in my chest. My hands rested over my stomach. My fingers were laced like I could shield the baby from the silence between Orion and me. I had serious doubts about even bringing a child into this toxic environment. One second, he seemed like he was all in and happy about this, and then the next, he was treating me like shit.
He drove with one hand on the wheel, the other tapped against his thigh to a rhythm only he knew. No words. No, how are you feeling? No, we’re really doing this. Just… silence. Finally, I cleared my throat.
“Fifteen weeks.” My voice was soft, almost like I was speaking to myself. “That’s… further than I thought.”
He didn’t even look at me, just smirked faintly.
“Guess you don’t pay attention like you should.”
The words dropped heavy, and I pressed my lips together before I could say something slick. Badly, I wanted to open the gates and just let him have it, but I wasn’t about to argue in this car. Not when my emotions were already tangled up from the appointment. My doctor said to be mindful of being stressed, and I already knew it would be a challenging task to do if I had to be around this man. I turned back to the window while biting the inside of my cheek. My reflection stared back at me. My face was more round than it had ever been, and now I was carrying a life inside me. A life that deserved more than this shit.
“You know,” I whispered, not even sure he heard me, but I continued anyway, “I’m trying. I’m really trying here.”
He shifted gears, eyes still fixed on the road.
“Yeah, I know.”
That was all he said. Nothing more. No reassurance. Just a clipped response, like that was all the conversation he was willing to have. I leaned my head against the glass and closed my eyes. For the rest of the ride, I let the silence swallow me whole. When we made it to the house, he just pulled up in front and sat for a bit. Usually, he would have parked in his spot, but he double-parked the car. When I didn’t get out, he spoke.
“I’m going to pick OJ up. You can go inside.”
Usually, he would take me for the ride. I didn’t see why I couldn’t go now. I didn’t want to fight him on it. It was evident that with the weight gain, he was ashamed of me. He didn’t even try to hide it. Without offering a response, I popped the door open and got out. I heard him peel off before I even made it to the front yard. He didn’t even bother to wait for me to get inside.
Orion came home with OJ trailing behind him, his little backpack hanging off one shoulder. I was still rattled from the doctor’s visit, but when Orion pulled him close and said, “You’re gonna be a big brother,” I forced a smile, waiting for OJ’s reaction.
The boy’s face stayed flat. He didn’t jump. He didn’t smile. He just shrugged and muttered, “Okay.”
I tried to brush it off, telling myself kids process things differently. But there was something in the way he glanced at me, like the news wasn’t a blessing. In his little eyes, I could tell that it was a problem. I brushed off his reaction as I sat with myfeet up on the couch, flipping through the channels. OJ stomped past us and went straight for the backyard door. Before I could ask what he was doing, I heard the screen creak open.
“Mello!” I shouted, panic flaring in my chest as I saw the flash of tan and white fur darting out. “No! OJ, why would you do that?”
He just shrugged at me, muttering something I couldn’t catch under his breath. The backyard wasn’t fenced in, and I knew my dog must have been exploring the block by now. I turned to Orion, expecting him to back me up, to take it as seriously as I was.
But he only rubbed the back of his neck and said, “Kids make mistakes, Cay. Don’t go so hard on him.”
The least he could have done was run out the door to grab my dog, but no, he stood firm, not reacting to a damn thing.
My mouth fell open. “A mistake? Orion, the dog could get hit by a car. That’s not just some mistake.”
My voice shook with disbelief. I had a point to prove. His son did this shit on purpose. I rushed and grabbed my phone to pull up the backyard camera feed, and my heart dropped. There was OJ, clear as day, sliding the door open, stepping aside, and watching with this cold little smirk as Mello bolted into the backyard and then around the side of the house. It wasn’t an accident. He had evil intent. I stood frozen, bile rising in my throat as Orion leaned against the doorway to the kitchen, still calm, still dismissing it like it was nothing. My fingers tightened around the phone until my knuckles ached. I didn’t know what was worse. The fact that OJ had done it… or that Orion didn’t care. I didn’t even grab shoes.
