Page 70 of This Heart
“What’s on your mind, Liam? You don’t seem like you’re present.”
I forced myself to smile. “My mind is just with work, I guess.”
Mary had been Winnie’s full-time nanny since July, and it had worked out perfectly. She had said she would get an apartment in town, but it didn’t make sense to do that when she could just live with Winnie and me. She was worried about what people would think since Hope had been gone a number of months and Mary had moved back. We didn’t have to worry about rumors of anything happening between us for long, though, because Mary had been dating James for the last month and a half.
“How are things going with you and James?”
She smiled. “You’re changing the subject?”
“Am I?”
Laughing, she replied, “Yes, you are. Do you want to talk about what is going on between you and Aurora?”
Looking at her, I asked, “What do you mean? Nothing is going on with us.”
Mary sighed. “Exactly! My gosh, Liam, it is so clear to everyone that you like her and she likes you, and you’re both acting like you don’t, and it’s driving everyone crazy!”
My head snapped to the side. “Who is everyone?”
“Really?” she asked before rolling her eyes. “Everyone! Friends, family. Heck, I’m pretty sure even Winnie knows.”
“Why aren’t you telling Aurora how you feel? Or better yet, admitting to yourself that you have it bad for her.”
The guilt hit me as if I had walked into a brick wall. “You don’t understand, Mary.”
“I don’t? I think you forgot that Hope was my sister. She told me everything, Liam. She told me how you asked for a divorce right before she found out she had cancer. I saw the way she manipulated you during her treatment. Making you think that you were giving more attention to Winnie, then she turned her anger onto Aurora when she noticed you looking at her the way you were.”
I looked at Mary. “What?”
“Everyone else might have been blind, but I saw how you fought your attraction for her when Hope was sick. I heard Hope the night she accused you of having an affair with Aurora. When you denied it and she started crying, she then said she was just upset because Aurora was trying to take her place. And I also heard you tell Aurora the same thing after Hope had died. I wasn’t sure why you told her that, and to be honest, I’m not sure I understand now.”
“I was trying to push her away.”
“Why?”
I sighed. “I don’t know. Everything was raw.”
She looked at me like she knew I wasn’t being honest either with her or myself. It was a little bit of both.
“She was my sister, and I loved her, but she ultimately did you wrong. Liam, you’re only keeping her crazy promises because you feel guilty, but you didn’t give Hope cancer. You aren’t the reason she didn’t survive either. And it’s not your fault if you found yourself attracted to another woman.”
I pushed my hand through my hair. “I know that, Mary.”
“Then why are you living with a ghost?”
Looking at her, I said, “I’m not.”
She scoffed. “Talk to me, Liam.”
I sat down on a bench and reached into the stroller to take Winnie out, then set her on my lap.
“I don’t know how I feel, Mary.”
“I do!” she snapped back. “You feel guilty as hell because you asked Hope for a divorce, she got sick, then you started to fall for Aurora while Hope was still alive, even though you desperately tried to fall back in love with Hope simply because she was dying of cancer. I was there…I saw it firsthand. I don’t think Aurora fell for you as quickly as you fell for her, but you fell, Liam, and I wasn’t the only one who saw it. Hope did too. Why do you think she made you stay all those times when Aurora came by to spend time with Winnie? Hell, I wasn’t even there all the time, and I could see it. Hope knew you didn’t love her anymore, and she tried to use her cancer to guilt you into not falling for Aurora. Then all that bullshit she put on you was just another way of trying to keep Aurora away after she died.”
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I looked at Mary. “What kind of man has dreams about another woman when his wife is lying next to him, dying?”
Tears filled Mary’s eyes as she reached for my hand. “The kind of man who wasn’t in love with the woman lying next to him. You and Hope were doomed from the get-go, Liam. You kept reaching for things in the hope of saving your marriage. I know you guys were struggling in New York City, and Moose Village was supposed to be a fresh start. But you can’t force love.”
