Page 80 of This Heart
She nodded. Taking her hand in mine, I led her over to the sofa. We both sat, and I drew in a deep breath.
“I don’t know how to start, so I’m going to start at the beginning.”
“Okay.”
“Shortly before Hope found out she had cancer, I asked her for a divorce.”
Her mouth dropped open, and she stared at me. Slowly shaking her head, she asked, “What do you mean you asked for a divorce?”
“Let me back up some. Before Hope found out she was pregnant, we had separated briefly in New York. It was pretty apparent after we married that we both wanted two totally different things in life. Hope wanted to travel the world, and I wanted…well, I wanted The Muddled Moose someday. So, we decided to end things. During our separation, she showed up one day and told me she was pregnant. We decided, for the sake of the baby, we would give it another try. Hope’s whole way of thinking had been turned around after she found out she was pregnant. She was hell-bent on raising Winnie in Moose Village. I had already started the process of looking into making The Muddled Moose a reality, so I made it happen. It had always been a dream to open up a rooftop bar over the historical Moose Village Hotel. My father is a contractor, so with his help, we got things going. Once we moved here, I don’t know what I thought would happen. I guess I was hoping Hope would be happy, especially since she was the one who insisted that Winnie should be raised in a smaller town and not New York City.”
“She wasn’t? She seemed to be happy when I first met her. Although she did seem tired a lot.”
“Hope was far from happy, and I’m sure part of it was that she wasn’t feeling well from the cancer before she even knew she had it. Anyway, we had drifted so far apart and my mother treated Hope like shit, and Hope was growing tired of it. We argued a lot, and it became increasingly clear that things wouldn’t work out between us. Then something happened that ended our marriage. At least it did for me. I asked her for a divorce. She agreed, and we decided we’d share custody of Winnie. Hope was even making plans to go to Italy for a few weeks to see a lake she had always dreamed of. It wasn’t long after that we found out about the cancer.”
“Oh my God,” Aurora whispered.
I nodded. “I couldn’t leave her, at least not until she fought it and got healthy again. I know everyone thought we had a perfect marriage and that I was madly I love with Hope, but I wasn’t, Aurora. Hope had been lying to me, and I had been so angry with her that I wanted her to leave and go to Italy. Part of me wanted her to stay there and never come back. I haven’t told anyone that or even admitted it to myself, but that’s what I wanted. Her to leave and never come back.”
Aurora’s brows drew together in confusion, but I went on.
“After finding out how sick she was, I was filled with guilt for having the thoughts I had, and the only thing I knew to do was stay with her and help her through the cancer. Toward the end, Hope accused me of having feelings for you. I didn’t deny it.”
Aurora closed her eyes and did a slight shake of her head, then looked at me and asked, “Wait. What do you mean? Please tell me you didn’t have feelings for me, and that’s why you asked for the divorce.”
“No, you’re not the reason I asked her for the divorce. I honestly wanted to make the marriage work, but I found out that…”
My voice trailed off, and I closed my eyes. Aurora took my hand, and my heart jumped in my chest. Her touch was so soothing, and I could see the concern in her eyes. That was one of the things that attracted me to this woman. Her caring heart. There wasn’t anything she wouldn’t do for anyone.
“I was going through some paperwork looking for something, and I found some legal documents that involved a former coworker of mine.”
“What were they?” she asked with curiosity.
“A restraining order for Hope to stay away from him and documents saying that Winnie’s biological father was giving her up.”
With a quick shake of her head, Aurora let out a disbelieving laugh. “I’m sorry, you said Winnie’s biological father gave up his rights to her, but you’re…”
It was her turn to let her voice trail off before she asked, “Oh my God. You’re not Winnie’s biological father?”
I shook my head. “No, I’m not.”
“Did you know?”
“I had no idea. At the time, Hope and I had been separated, so was this guy. They’d met through work events, so Hope knew him. They had a short love affair, and that’s when she got pregnant. By the time she found out and told him, he had worked things out with his wife and told Hope to stay away from him. He had no desire to raise the baby or even have her in his life. They did a paternity test, and when it came back, he was the father and he made it abundantly clear that he wanted nothing to do with the baby or Hope. So she moved on to plan B.”
Aurora’s hand came up to her mouth as she sucked in a breath. “You were plan B?”
I nodded.
“She lied and told you the baby was yours?”
“Yes, and I didn’t have any reason not to believe her. We’d had sex the night before the split, so I believed her when she said the baby was mine. I had already bought the space for The Muddled Moose and was going to push that onto the back burner when Hope insisted we move to Moose Village and raise our baby. I was thrilled at the idea of moving back home and being closer to my family. Hope’s only worry was my mother. I’m sure you noticed how she treated Hope. She never did care for her, from the very beginning, and she never attempted tonotlet her know, no matter how many times I told her to stop treating my wife like utter shit. Anyway, that’s a whole other story. After I found the paperwork, I confronted Hope, and she admitted to everything. I then told her I wanted a divorce. I also told her I wasn’t in love with her anymore. I did tell her that I wanted Winnie in my life and that, as far as I was concerned, I was her father. She agreed, and that was that. She didn’t seem the least bit bothered by my confession of not loving her. Or at least it appeared that way. But then you started showing up with Cadie more, and I felt this attraction toward you that I had never felt before. Hope clearly saw it as well but never said anything.”
“Then she got the news of her cancer,” she softly said.
“Yeah. I was filled with so much guilt, I obviously withdrew my petition for divorce. My mother was furious, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t leave Hope to fight that on her own.”
“And Winnie?”
