Page 105 of Meant to Be
Chapter Nineteen
Sydney watched as Mitch approached. Her wary eyes filled him with dread.
“Must be some serious thinking going on, with you being here with Balto.” As opening lines, it was lame, but it got his mouth working. It didn’t take a genius to see she was done with him. He couldn’t blame her. He’d wanted something from her he hadn’t been willing to give: trust.
“Why are you here?”
He blew out a breath. “Many reasons. The first is to apologize.” He gestured toward a park bench, hoping they could sit. For a minute, he thought she was going to tell him to take a hike, but she acquiesced. He sat next to her and rubbed his hands down his thighs as if that would give him courage.
“I’m sorry, Syd. I really am. I just…” He struggled to find the words to adequately explain his behavior in a way that might have her forgiving him.
“I understand your initial reaction to seeing those letters.”
A piece of hope bloomed.
“What I don’t get is why you wouldn’t let me explain. It’s like you want the world to let you down, Mitch.”
“I don’t want the world to let me down.”
“Yes. You do. It’s the only way to justify why you work so hard to keep everyone out. But you were already keeping me out, so—”
“No.” He shook his head and wished he could take her hand and make her see. “I wasn’t keeping you out. I wanted to, but I couldn’t.”
She wrapped her arms around herself and turned away. The little bloom of hope withered. Finally, she turned back. “I’m sorry I said you were broken. That was mean and wrong.”
“I forgive you. Can you forgive me?”
Her lips were pressed together, as if she were trying to keep from crying. “Why are you here? What do you want?”
The irony of the situation would have been funny if he didn’t feel his entire life was riding on this moment. How many times had he asked her the same question in Charlotte Tavern? Her answer had been evasive. Now the tables were turned. He wanted to be evasive too, because the hurt stabbing his heart now would be nothing compared to the hurt of hearing her tell him she didn’t love him.
He’d spent so much time and effort keeping his heart dead. He’d missed the signs when it started beating again, until Sydney walked out on him.
“I want to live again, Syd. And I want to have a relationship with you, even if it’s just friends. Without benefits.” That wasn’t all he wanted, but he needed to take small steps.
Her head dropped. “What about next time you see some perceived betrayal?” She shook her head. “I can’t do it anymore. I get it now, why you’re so guarded. Why you want to protect your heart.”
He swore at himself under his breath. He was a coward and an idiot. Whatever chance he and Sydney had to make something new was gone. Gone because he hadn’t recognized and cherished what had been blooming.
“I understand.” He sat for a moment, not wanting to give up and yet not wanting to push her either. “Will you be returning to Charlotte Tavern?”
She cocked her head. Her eyes shone with surprise. Had she expected him to fight harder for her? Should he fight harder? “Yes. I have a contract to fulfill.”
“That gives me some time then.” He studied her face to see if she understood. Already he had visions of flowers and candy, although deep down he knew the only way to win her back was by showing her he trusted her. He hoped he got the chance.
Her lips twitched upward, but her eyes maintained their wariness.
“In the meantime, you’re still in danger, and it’s my job to protect you.” Before she could protest, he added. “I can do it from a distance.”
She didn’t say anything for a long time. When she turned to him, tears swam in her eyes.
“Syd.” He wanted to pull her into his arms and take all her pain away, but he had no right. Instead, he pulled out a handkerchief and used it to wipe her tears. “I’m so sorry.”
She took the handkerchief and he tried to not see it as a good sign. He couldn’t get his hopes up. But he hadn’t thrown in the towel yet, either. He cupped her cheek with his hand, using a thumb to wipe a stray tear. She dipped her head into his palm, as if she welcomed his touch. He desperately wanted it to mean something.
“What’s going on here?”
Mitch swore inwardly as Julia’s voice broke the moment, causing Sydney to jerk away from him.
