Page 52 of Risk It All
Except she does. I'm so sure she does. The more I've gone over all our interactions, the more I believe she cares for me. She isn't a woman to sleep with any man she happens to be traveling with. There's no way that the intense feelings that washed over me as I made love to her were one-sided. No, she felt it too.
I'd messed up, that I knew. But my infraction wasn't so big that it couldn't be forgiven. Why was she so stubborn about that?
In some ways it's worse to know that she does care for me and still tossed me aside. It might have been easier if I believed she didn't think twice about me.
I can't stop the feelings of anger and hurt, but I try, which I do by focusing all my efforts on helping Chisara and Dr. Knowles. Since my return, I've worked with my team to look at alternative sources of electronics materials that don't use resources from mines that used child labor, which to my dismay, isn't as easy as I hoped it would be.
I've researched all the foundations that provided support and education to stop child labor around the world and pledged a great deal of my personal funds. And the hardest task of all, trying to find a way to end child labor once and for all. The quest fills my days and much of my evenings. But at night, in my bed, I can't stop the images of Madeleine from entering my dreams.
The only time I smile now is at the emails I occasionally receive from Chisara through Dr. Knowles. One of the first things I did when I got home was spend a day on my boat taking pictures to send to her. I hadn't seen any whales, but I did snap pictures of some porpoises.
I'd also arranged to send her an e-reader, which I loaded with books about the world, as well as adventure fiction I thought she might like. I even created an account at the online book retailer and told her she could buy whatever books or resources she wanted. She was thrilled and had emailed back a picture of herself with her reader and the new pictures of my boat added to her map.
This morning, I enter my office, shut the door, and sit at my desk to work on my computer. I check the notes and memos from my assistant, but when I see an email from Chisara, I forget about work.
You can be my family too, Mr. Max.Chisara's words come back to me. I wonder if that will be the extent of my family; A few close friends and a child living a world away. I shake my head. I'm sounding pathetic, even to myself.
I open the email and read about her most recent book,Treasure Island. It had been one of my favorites as a kid. As I scroll down, I see a picture. But as the picture comes into the screen, my heart stops. It's Madeleine standing next to a Mexican national park sign. Unable to help myself, I study the picture to see any signs that she's as miserable as I am. She looks tired, but considering her lifestyle, that's to be expected. Under the picture, Chisara added a note indicating that this is the latest picture from Madeleine. Below that, she says that she emailed Madeleine the picture of me on my boat and she was in agreement that I looked very handsome.
I sit back feeling even worse. My picture shows off wealth while Madeleine is trudging through the wilderness saving animals or indigenous people. I reach over to close my email deciding to write Chisara later when I'm not in such a pisser mood. But I stop when I see her last sentence asking about the red trees. I sit back again remembering how I'd promised to get her a picture of the redwoods. I'd need to make a trip north, but I can also visit my longtime friend, Springer, and his family. It's time I got back to living and Springer is just the guy to help me get started.
