Page 15 of The Midwinter Mirror
“What is this—twenty questions about my love life?” I pause, then say, “I thought so, once.” Twice, actually, but Amber had quickly stamped that idea out. And she was right. “I was wrong.”
I look away, remembering Winter. She’d been my first proper girlfriend and had betrayed us—and died for it. And then there was Laura. The werewolf. No, best not go there either.
A shiver runs through Holly, and she pulls her coat tighter around her shoulders. I push myself off the wall and walk towards her. Then I step close, wrap my arms around her, and pull her against me. She rests her head on my chest. I’m not sure I’m ready to forgive her—I might never be, but god, this feels right...
She shivers again, and I hold her closer, and she settles against me for a minute. “Gosh, you’re hot,” she murmurs against my chest.
I chuckle against her. “I’m glad you noticed.” It’s my shifter blood.
“Not that sort of hot.” She pulls back and punches me in the shoulder. “Radiator-hot.” Then she takes another step back. She looks a little flustered. “Thanks,” she mutters. “I needed a hug. It’s been a tough morning. My mum—” She trails off.
“Your mum what?”
“She just said these things about the snow taking Milo, and her baby, and the Hunt, and it all brought back everything about Oliver. I’ve been trying not to think about him. I mean, it’s not the same, not at all.”
I go still. My gut twists because I know that guilt. The kind that never lets go. Tansy’s face flashes in my head—her laugh, her little hand gripping mine. What if she’s already gone? What if she’s out there dying while I waste time hiding from the snow?I take a deep breath. “No, it’s not the same. We’ll find them. You have to have faith.”
She peers up at me. “I’m glad you’re back.” Then she sniffs. “Even if you’re not staying.”
“Come on, princess. You’re not staying either. You got the hell away from this place as fast as you could.”
“I know, but I didn’t break off all the ties.”
“I had to, you know that. I couldn’t—” I don’t want to relive those feelings. For a long time, I thought that maybe I was insane as well. I had all this anger inside me, just like my dad. And now something occurs to me: I became a shifter after I was bitten by the shadowguard—Lucifer’s army of twisted monsters. But that was only because I had Astrali blood inside me. Raze was already there, deep inside me. And if I have Astrali blood, then maybe my dad did as well. Maybe his anger issues stemmed from having a beast inside him that had nowhere to go. And he had to live with that all his life until it became too much…
“Hey,” she says. “Don’t look so sad.”
I give myself a shake. “I’m not sad. I’m worried. But you know, despite all this, it’s good to see you, Holly.”
She blinks. “Really? I mean, I know you must hate me for what I said, but Zayne, I—”
“Drop it, princess. We have enough to worry about without dragging up the past.”
“But—”
“Hush. I don’t hate you.” For a while, I thought I did, but I know now that I could never hate her.
Her mouth curves into a small smile. Then she puts her hands on my shoulders, stands on tiptoes, and for long moments, she stares into my eyes. I stare back. Hers are pale, like ice—she’s my snow queen. I’d never thought that before, but she fits here among the snow: silver hair and silver eyes, pale skin.
I drop my gaze from her eyes to her lips. They part slightly, and I see her breath misting in the cold air. I lower my head, slow, certain. I’m going to kiss her. My heart stutters—slows, then kicks hard. Panic grips me. What if she hates it? What if—
As if impatient with my bullshit, she slides a hand around my neck and yanks me down, closing the last inches.
And as our lips touch, the world steadies. Rightness floods through me, burning away the fear. Heat pours through my blood, and I lift my hands to cup her cheeks, tilting her face so I can deepen the kiss. Her lips part under mine, and my tongue slides inside. She tastes of coffee and cinnamon—sweet, warm, addictive. I could stay here forever, lost in her.
But then she stiffens, the spell shattering. I pull back slowly.
Her eyes are wide, panicked. She blinks, shakes her head, swallows. “I’m sorry. I can’t. It’s too soon, or maybe that’s not it. I don’t know you anymore.”
“You know me, princess.” The word tastes bitter and sweet all at once. I sigh. “But I can wait. That’s something else I’ve learned how to do.” I shrug. “Don’t look so worried. It’s not as though it’s the first time we’ve kissed.”
That last year, we’d kissed every opportunity we got. It sometimes seemed we could spend hours just kissing. Though we never did much more. Like we knew we weren't ready for more. Or maybe we knew, even as kids, that sex would change everything, and we didn’t want things to change.
They changed anyway.
She searches my face, then gives a nod. “I think the snow is slowing down.”
I turn to look out of the doorway, and she’s right.
