Page 44 of Murder and Marzipan in Las Vegas
“Mine is composing its last will and testament,” Suze adds.
Meg, always the practical one, appears to have fully embraced the experience. “You know, this actually has potential for pre-match preparation. Imagine Mad Madge the Badge—now with steam-powered fury.”
“I’m adding this to my cleansing regimen,” Lainey announces. “Forest is going to be so jealous.”
“Does Forest know what you were doing with that construction worker’s hammer last night?” Lily asks innocently.
“What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” Laineyshoots back just before breaking into giggles. “But oh my goodness, did you see the SIZE of that hammer?”
“Ladies!” Seraphina’s composure finally cracks. “Please! This is a sacred ritual!”
“Sorry,” I apologize, even though I’m not remotely sorry. “We’ll be good.”
We manage to maintain approximately thirty seconds of silence before Carlotta breaks.
“So, Suze,” she whispers as loud as she can, “on a scale of one to ten, how does this compare to Wiley’s performance?”
“Carlotta!” I hiss, mortified.
“What? It’s a legitimate question! Steam versus Fox—which one wins?”
Suze, to my utter horror, appears to be genuinely considering the question. “Well,” she says thoughtfully, “the steam doesn’t disappear for eight years faking its own death, so it automatically scores higher.”
The room erupts in laughter so loud that two more spa attendants rush in, clearly expecting some kind of steamy emergency.
“Everything is fine,” Seraphina assures them, though her tight smile suggests she’s considering adjusting the gratuity charge. “The ladies are just connecting deeply with the experience.” She frowns my way as if I was the ringleader.
“Actually, I am connecting with parts of myself I haven’t spoken to since before the twins,” I agree, wiping tears of laughter from my eyes.
“I’m naming mine Steamy Steamerson,” Carlotta announces. “She deserves an identity after all this attention.”
“Please don’t name your—” I begin, then give up. “You know what? Fine. Name away.”
“Mine shall henceforth be known as The Honorable Judge Hoo-Ha,” Keelie declares, getting into the spirit.
I shoot her a look because she totally stole my name and she knows it.
“Mad Madge Junior,” Meg contributes.
“Lily of the Valley.” Lily smirks.
“Serenity Now,” Lainey adds with a giggle.
“Absolutely not.” Suze shakes her head firmly. “I draw the line at nether region naming ceremonies.”
“Your loss.” Carlotta shrugs. “Naming builds a bond. Steamy and I are now besties.”
As the timer finally signals the end of our steam session, Seraphina approaches with visible relief. “Ladies, your Celestial Renewal Journey will now continue with our crystal sound bath.”
We wrap ourselves back in our robes, following Seraphina to the next treatment room. As we file out, I can’t help but think that amid all the laughter and personification, I’ve missed something important—something Ray-Ray was trying to tell me about Chuck.
But right now, I’m being led to a room filled with crystal singing bowls, and Carlotta is already asking if the crystals respond to specific requests like song dedications for Steamy Steamerson.
Whatever revelations await, they’ll have to wait indeed.
And in this moment, I realize this just might be the real Vegas experience—bizarre luxury, inappropriate oversharing, and the nagging feeling that somewhere, somehow, someone is getting away with murder.
At least we can honestly say we’ve experienced all Vegas has to offer—and then some.
