Page 78 of Don't Shoot Me Santa
But that would be about him.
It would feed his helplessness. His need to reassert power. It would make him feel as if he had some sort of control. But Aaron would be left watching two men square off over his body. His pain. When what he needed wasn’t posturing. It was to be seen. To come first. Not be left alone inside the aftermath.
Kenny knew this version of him. The one vanishing behind old walls the second they reappeared. And he knew the cost of pushing too soon. So he didn’t speak. Didn’t touch him. Hegroundedhim.
Letting Aaron come back in his own time.
To aid with that, he clicked the radio on, easing the volume low until a faint hush of music filled the car. Familiar. Warm. One of Aaron’s playlists he made late at night and never admitted to curating. Nina Simone, aching and rich, begging not to be misunderstood, rolled out from the speakers and gradually, almost imperceptibly, Kenny watched Aaron sink further into the seat.
He tilted his head. Then rested.
And when he turned, dragging his gaze from the window to Kenny, it nearly broke him. Those eyes.Beautiful. Bruised. Still asking if this was safe. So Kenny took one hand off the wheel and stroked his knuckles along Aaron’s cheek.
Aaron grabbed Kenny’s wrist, held his hand to his face.
Nuzzled in. Kissed his palm.
He wasn’t seeking affection. No. It was worse than that. He wasapologising. A quiet, desperate gesture saying,I know I’m a lot. Please stay anyway.
Kenny’s throat tightened.
He stroked his thumb over Aaron’s cheekbone, gentle and sure. “It’s not your fault. None of it. You’re not too much. And I love you. All of it. This and everything else.”
Aaron gave him the ghost of a smile. Then used the back of Kenny’s hand to wipe his eyes. “Liar.”
Kenny glanced at him, one hand steady on the wheel as he navigated the dark winding roads. “Want me to prove it?”
Aaron sniffed. “Yeah.”
“Then give me my hand back so I can get us home and do exactly that.”
Aaron let go. And Kenny brushed his knuckles across Aaron’s cheek before returning his hand to the wheel.
The rest of the drive passed in quiet.
Once home, Aaron stepped out with Chaos and hovered by the door as if waiting to be told what to do. Kenny unlocked the house. Chaos padded inside, tail swishing, and Kenny led him to the kitchen. He fed him, scratched behind his ears, scattered a few treats, then gently shut the door behind him.
When he turned, Aaron was still in the hallway. Still in his coat. Clutching that tightness in his chest. Kenny stepped out of his coat, hung it up, and moved to Aaron. One slow step at a time. He reached for Aaron’s scarf. Unwrapped it. Let it fall. Then his coat, unzipping it down to the ridiculous red jumper beneath. He paused, gaveAaron the chance to step back, to say the word, to disappear if he needed.Grinch. Grinch.He’d honour it without hesitation.
But Aaron didn’t.
He looked up at Kenny with something that wasn’t quite fear, wasn’t quite need. Butrawness. Begging to be held without breaking. Kenny cupped his jaw.
“If you don’t want me tonight, that’s okay. If you need clothes on, no touch, quiet, I’ll give you that. If you want nothing but a place to fall, you’ve got it. You’re in control.”
Aaron stared at him.
Then he yanked the jumper off, tossed it to the floor, and surged up to kiss him. Deep. Hungry. Full of need and not asking for permission because he didn’t have to.
“Take me out of my head, lover,” Aaron breathed.
Kenny gripped Aaron’s hips, forehead brushing Aaron’s. “Don’t want you out of your head. I want you. All of you. Right here, with me. However you come.”
Aaron huffed a shaky breath. “Will I come?”
Kenny smiled. “Many, many times.”
Aaron swallowed hard.
