Page 83 of Wrestling with Daddy
“You know as well as I do that’s not an answer.”
“I didn’t want you to see me as a newb.” Nathan shivered. “I hate when that happens. People love to think I’m this inexperienced thing that doesn’t know shit, and that’s not true. I know my stuff.”
Yes, that rang a bell.
Ken sighed. “I know you know your stuff, boy. I’ve seen your thoroughly customized gear. I’ve seen you know all the tricks when we’re playing. I’m pretty sure you could lecture me for hours on everything pet play and it would be enlightening. But, as I told you already, there’s nothing wrong with being new at something, or feeling overwhelmed.”
“I’m not overwhelmed,” Nathan huffed.
“What are you, then?”
“I don’t know!” the boy exclaimed, as indignant as he’d been minutes before.
Ken frowned. He didn’t feel confident, didn’t feel sure about how he could break through those walls, let Nathan’s more vulnerable side hold on to the reins. He didn’t know how to keep that anger at bay or how to stay on track of the conversation while facing that side of Nathan.
That side that stirred all the insecurities others had arisen, all those that hadn’t quite healed as well as Ken had thought.
“What do you need right now, boy?”
“I…” Nathan breathed before he was burying his face in Ken’s body, his words and body language at odds with each other. “I don’t know.”
“Okay.” Ken still wrapped his arms tighter around the lean body on his lap. “Here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to wrap you in one of those blanket burritos you like, and you’re going to think real hard about that anger of yours and where it’s coming from.”
“What do you mean?”
“Who are you angry at, Nathan?” Ken tucked a strand of hair behind Nathan’s ear as he spoke. “Are you angry at Ash? At the event? Me? Yourself? The world? All of the above?”
Ken didn’t wait for an answer. The task of wrapping Nathan up in blankets gave him something to do, something firm and tangible that couldn’t play tricks on him or make him second guess it.
“I kept thinking about how I’d explain my freakout to you, because you’d surely be disappointed in me, and that means I’m disappointed in myself, because I let you down. And that makes me angrier because we’ve just met and it’s wild as fuck that I’m so… needy of you when I don’t even know what’s happening after this weekend.”
His boy was definitely the type to keep things bottled up, then blurt them all out at the most random moment.
“And where has all that left you?” Ken hated to pose the question, but helping his boy see reason was part of the role description.
“Not… in a good place?” Nathan swallowed. “I’m sorry you’re missing work.”
“That’s okay.” He sighed. Such thoughtfulness and carelessness in the same package. “Do you know how things would’ve changed if you’d told me this was your first time playing with other pets offline?”
Nathan swallowed again but he shook his head. “No, Sir.”
“I would’ve introduced you to Ash earlier, or any of the pups at the club I used to go to,” Ken explained. “I would’ve helped you play with them in a more controlled environment, be with you so you could explore puppy piles and games with others without working yourself up to an almost meltdown.”
Nathan’s breaths shortened, his grip on Ken’s shirt tightening. “That sounds nice.”
“I bet it does.” It was getting harder and harder to cling to the anger. Ken supposed it was the same for the boy. “Do you know why I want you to apologize to Ash?”
“Be-because he’s your best friend’s… boy?”
“That, too,” Ken conceded. “But, as much as he can get in my business and be annoying, he’s also one of the most energetic, most playful pups I’ve met. That’s why I wanted you to meet him, because he can match your levels of energy as a pup.”
Nathan let out a moan. Ken wasn’t sure if he was aware of the sound.
“Am I that energetic?”
That made him laugh. “Do you think all pups can be playing fetch for hours like you do? Most will maybe run a couple agility courses and rush to a pile somewhere.”
He saw with hidden delight how his pup wrinkled his nose, then wiggled until he couldn’t be any closer to Ken. “I see.”
