Oh, well.
“Gonna shower!”
Did I need to announce it like that?
No.
Did I still do it?
Obviously.
I squirmed past him before he could say a word about it—and before either of us could focus on the fact that he was only wearing a towel tied around his waist and there were droplets of water down his chest, and I obviously knew people who worked in a giant sanctuary and were basically ranch hands were shredded, but for fuck’s sake, didthathave to be literal, too?
I hated life.
Saúl had more muscles than sense.
Because I was on a rampage, I was also the one who couldn’t stay quiet when we finally got into bed and pretended that it was totally normal to be sharing and no weird at all how we stuck to one corner of the bed each without really talking about it.
“What did you mean when you said you’re a Sadist when you trust someone?”
No one talked about how anxiety also meant there were a thousand thoughts in your head ready to come out at any given time, and the majority ended up coming out at the most inopportune of them.
Saúl snorted. It was a soft sound, but it gave me goosebumps nonetheless. I blamed the bed and the fact that I was the dumbass who was only wearing briefs because I hadn’t wanted him to see that I had unpacked our entire suitcases just yet. He’d have time to be disappointed with me in the morning, when I’d be too busy stuffing food in my cheeks and pretending to be my cheery self.
I needed more sleep before I could do that.
“Do we have to talk about this?”
“If you don’t answer now, I’ll just ask you in the truck,” I reasoned, “and then you’ll swerve from the shock and send us to an ER, so if you think about it, I’m doing the responsible thing.”
It was also responsible because we’d shut off the blinds in the windows, which meant there was no light whatsoever, and I couldn’t read his expressions and obsess over them.
“How about you don’t put that out there?”
I almost laughed. Almost. “Are you superstitious?”
Saúl didn’t answer. I could picture him rolling his eyes, though.
“If I answer, will you go to sleep?”
“Probably not, but I’ll definitely pester you more if youdon’t.”
I was honest. It would just be nice if I was acknowledged for it from time to time.
Saúl sighed, and for some reason I was not going to look too closely into, the sound made me giddy. Playful, too, kind of how I felt right before I fully slipped into a particular headspace I should not be manifesting right now of all times.
“You know how most people into impact, in whichever capacity, when they play, their scenes incorporate some spanking or light flogging from the get-go?”
“Yeah?” If I closed my eyes, I could feel the caress of leather strands up my body, but I wasnotdoing that in front of polite company.
“I don’t.” Some shuffling meant he was moving, but I didn’t know if he was turning on his side or just readjusting himself. Surprising absolutely no one, he was the kind of man who slept on his back as if that was something people did in real life. “I don’t get anything out of it when I don’t have a really solid base with someone.”
“Huh.” I mulled it over as he shuffled some more. Part of me wanted to tease him for making him uncomfortable, but another part of me reasoned it might be too close to the idea of playing with fire, and I wasn’t supposed to do that. “I don’t think I’ve ever had that with anyone. A solid base, I mean.”
Understatement of the fucking year.
Why did my eyes prickle when I said the words?