Page 8 of Noah
Jensen had left the room, letting him finish settling in.
Jensen wanted him to have it, end of story. Which is exactly the sort of thing a good dom would do. It’s little things like that which make him wonder why Jensen wasn’t in the scene.
Jensen had disappeared into his room, the door closing quietly behind him. The door stayed closed for two hours and then food was delivered. Chicken on skewers, falafel, a container of fruit and rice.
They ate in silence and Jensen disappeared back into his room.
Which takes him to now. Now it’s midnight, the apartment is even quieter than it was before, and Noah’s phone is on silent because his master (former master) keeps calling and texting. He should turn it off, but he can’t bear it.
The messages have run the gamut from threats to coaxing and apologies. In no particular order the gist of them are as follows:
He’s going to get it when he goes home.
He’ll never leave the house again after master is done with him.
What a child he is to not even let them discuss their relationship.
Doesn’t Noah know he is worried?
Didn’t he take care of Noah?
It’s horrible. As the night wears on Noah becomes more and more convinced that he’s made a mistake. He texts Will. He doesn’t answer.
At 1 a.m. he can’t take it anymore. Master is still up, still texting and calling Noah. What was Noah thinking? He should go home. Back to his master.
So many memories assault him. None of them are good. He doesn’t want to go back.
What would he go back to? His master would hurt him badly. No lube for sure. And maybe the cat o’nine. Put to bed bloody at both ends and maybe Noah does deserve that, but he just can’t.
But does he deserve it? Now there’s the real question.
Didn’t he promise? Didn’t Noah dream of being a slave, of belonging to his master even when it was difficult? If it was easy then everyone would do it.
He isn’t strong enough; isn’t the slave master wanted because he can’t endure what he’s supposed to. Which is a reflection of his weak character. Which makes the tears come. He sobs, giving in to the emotion, and expects it to die down, for him to go numb like he usually does, but that doesn’t happen. The sobs get worse and more intense, and he knows he’s loud but he can’t help it.
Knocking registers dimly at the periphery of his mind, but he doesn’t respond. And then the door opens and warm hands touch him softly. “Come to bed with me, honey. This is enough now. He doesn’t deserve all this,” Jensen says, and Noah goes.
Right now he’s so messed up and sad, he’s likely to follow just about anyone actually. Anyone who thought they had an answer, who seemed like they knew what they were doing. Who was strong enough to endure how emotional he was. He needs that, he always has.
Someone who is calm and steady and knows what to do. Who will help him make the right decision and be invested in him being okay. He hasn’t ever found that and maybe it’s impossible. Unrealistic. He’d thought he could find it in a dom, then in a master. The thought process had been something like if he served then wouldn’t his master want him taken care of because Noah was an extension of himself?
It had made perfect sense in his mind.
But he can’t do it.
He follows Jensen to the bedroom and stares down at the bed for a long moment before understanding comes to him. He takes off his undershirt while Jensen is getting the covers down. Then he takes down his underwear and Jensen gasps.
“No, Noah. That’s not…we’re just sleeping,” he says, and somehow Noah is back in his shirt and his pants are up and he’s in bed sobbing into Jensen’s strong, warm chest until he falls asleep.
Jensen lets him sleep in.
Noah wakes up at 9 a.m., gritty and worn out. He takes a shower and brushes his teeth, comes out to the kitchen, and gets handed a mug of coffee.
“How are you today?” Jensen asks.
The answer is not good. “He called me 22 times and sent me just as many texts. And I haven’t even checked today. I don’t know what I’m going to do,” he says, exhausted.
“Why would you do anything? He had his chance, and instead of treating you kindly, he abused you like a…thing. I know I don’t have a lot of experience in the scene, but I’m pretty sure that isn’t healthy. It isn’t a path to happy confidence.”
