Page 12 of Noah
Noah is so lucky to be here.
“This is much better,” Jensen says, voice gruff. He pats Noah’s hand gently, permission or approval that Noah has taken his arm. “I like you happy.”
“I like being happy,” he says. The good mood lasts. Partially because Noah is determined to hang onto it and also because not having his phone, which means he has no idea what Johann might be saying or doing or thinking, is a relief.
They wander into a few shops looking for pillows and throw blankets and fortunately, they both gravitate to the same items.
“It should be cozy but washable,” Noah says, touching a turquoise and lime green blanket. Somehow the colors go together.
Jensen agrees with a hmm sound.
“Do we get one or two?” Jensen asks.
“Well, if we get one then we have to cuddle,” he says, hoping it sounds like an invitation.
Jensen frowns. “Oh. I meant pillows.”
That’s embarrassing. “Of course you did. Two.”
Noah starts to walk away, feeling ridiculous. As if Jensen would want to cuddle with him. He’s a disaster of a human being who’s just left an awful relationship.
He doesn’t get more than a few steps before Jensen is beside him, leaning in conspiratorially. His cologne is nice.
Of course.
“How sad is it that I’ve lived alone for so long, I don’t think I even know how to cuddle anymore,” Jensen murmurs.
It feels like an olive branch, some unnecessary kindness.
“It’s likely changed,” Noah manages.
“Exactly. I need help. I’m very happy to get one blanket and see how it goes if you are.”
Noah blinks up at him and has to smile because Jensen is just so good. How could he not smile when he’s around and so eager to take care of Noah?
“There’s that smile. I think I’m becoming proprietary of them,” he says, staring at Noah’s mouth.
Which is such a dom thing to say.
“You are more than welcome to be proprietary of anything you want to,” he says, before he can stop himself. And then he’s horrified at himself for being so bold.
6
“You are a horrible flirt,” Jensens says.
He isn’t flirting. In fact, he’s very serious. It’s an offer. Inappropriate and too soon but he does mean it. If Jensen turned to him right now and said, ‘I want all your smiles for myself’ he’d say ‘yes, sir’ and consider himself lucky because Jensen would do his best to make him keep smiling.
Every day he’d want Noah to smile because that’s who Jensen is. That’s the difference between the Johanns of the world and the Jensens. Johann wanted his happiness so he could ruin it, and devour it for himself. He didn’t see a problem with letting Noah emotionally starve to death because Noah had offered himself up. It wasn’t reciprocal but a relationship where Noah would give until he broke.
Which he apparently has.
Whereas Jensen would want Noah to smile because he thinks it’s good and makes Noah happy. He’d try to grow Noah’s happiness into a roaring flame to keep them both warm. He’d tend to Noah’s happiness and get satisfaction from the tending.
It’s such an odd realization and a horrible fucking shame that somehow he’s made it to 25 and is just now figuring this out.
For all his worldliness and kinkiness, the depravity he finds pleasure in and wouldn’t even blink at, and yet he didn’t know fuck all about happiness. Jensen is different. He is real and good.
Noah’s been through enough bad to recognize good. And just like someone who only knows ill luck, he knows when it’s a once-in-a-lifetime, good luck opportunity in front of him.
