Page 19 of Noah
“I know.” His eyes stay closed. “I like your hand on me.”
How is he so god damned beautiful, Jensen thinks and brushes a thumb over his full bottom lip. It isn’t just his looks, it’s his demeanor, something soft and submissive that echoes through Jensen and feels like an invitation. And then Noah is watching him avidly, assessing.
As if Jensen is prey, which of course is the total opposite of what is actually going on here.
And yet, “What do you like about it?” He asks.
Noah licks his lips and smiles in a way that is surely more seductive than it has any right to be.
“I like that it’s warm and steady. That you--” His lower lip wobbles and he takes a breath to steady himself. “I like that you want to touch me and that it’s…gentle,” he says as if this is the worst thing he ever could have said.
“There’s nothing wrong with a little gentleness now and again,” he says.
“Once upon a time I would have argued against that,” Noah says. “Rather vehemently.”
“Maybe it’s the novelty then,” he says, and isn’t that a good reminder that this is temporary. Noah has always been drawn to masochism and darker things than Jensen ever even dreamed of. And he hadn’t gone through with exploring kink, either. He’d just thought about it. Discussed it with Will every now and again, but they are interested in very different things.
He should stop touching Noah.
“I’m supposed to volunteer at the dungeon tonight. But, if I go, he’ll be there. Everyone I know, the people I’ve thought of as friends will demand to know why I’ve left him. They don’t understand. No one has seen him as I have. Everyone thinks I’m so lucky. That’s what I’ve been crying over. None of them care about me. Everyone who cared about me and only me…I’ve not talked to them in ages. I can’t believe I let myself become so isolated. How did I become so pathetic?”
“You’re not. None of that is on you. That’s what abusers do. It’s textbook. And I can guarantee that if you reached out to your real friends, they’d be thrilled to hear from you. In fact, I talked to Will, and he wants to talk to you and make sure you’re okay. He’s invited you to go stay with him and Grant.”
“That sounds terrible.”
“Why? Is Grant that bad?” Jensen hasn’t met him but Will only says good things. Does Noah know differently?
“Oh, I don’t know. I’ve not met him yet. He sounds nice enough, and Will is obsessed. I just know they’re disgustingly in love, and the last thing I want to do is be the third wheel and be stuck watching their D/s lovefest.”
“Fair enough. I’m glad you want to stay here if I’m being honest. Anything I can do to support you and make you feel safe, I want to do that.”
“I know,” he says, and there’s that soft smile again.
“Your shift tonight is volunteer?” Jensen asks, trying to stay on track. And then he’s going to take his hand away.
“Yes, everyone does a few shifts a month. I’m supposed to be a dungeon monitor.”
“What does that mean?”
He closes his eyes, and presses against Jensen’s hand again. “It just means I wander around and if it looks like someone is getting hurt because the dom isn’t paying attention or has a rope too tight or is doing something unsafe then I step in and say something.”
“So how do we tell them you’re not coming tonight?”
“I need to send a text.”
“How about I send a text? Who am I sending it to?”
“Really?”
“Of course I can. That’s easy, honey.” He realizes he’s said the term of endearment and ignores it, as if maybe Noah hasn’t noticed. Who is he kidding, though? Odds are he noticed.
“It’s in my contacts. Ruby. Could you tell her I’m sorry but I can’t make it? Oh God, I’m such a disaster.” He covers his face with his hands and sobs again. “It’s all falling apart. My whole life is at that club.”
“No, that is a place where you spend some time. It isn’t your life or your identity. It’s a place that meant you stayed with a man who is bad for you. Don’t let it be more than that. Your life is wherever you are. Right now it’s this room. This apartment. You’re going to get up, have a quick shower, and then you’re going to come have dinner with me. And that will be your life for today. One day at a time. That’s it.”
“You’re unbelievable,” Noah says. “Do you know how lucky some boy would be to have their life with you?” He sounds like he’s joking, but there’s an edge to his tone.
Doesn’t it mean something that they’re both thinking about a daddy/boy dynamic? That it’s just there between them, natural and so fucking easy to step into? Maybe it really is as simple as this is his good boy and he’s in bed, has just taken a nap and now his boy needs food, a cuddle, and to spend time with his daddy?
