Page 27 of Noah
His daddy turns soft then, body heavy but lax, kisses gentle, hands soothing as he recovers, using Noah like his own personal pillow.
“Daddy?”
“What is it, honey?”
“Thank you. I really—” Oh god, is he going to cry again? “I really enjoyed that.”
“Good. Because we’ll want to wash that off before you go to sleep.”
Noah giggles. Which isn’t something he’s done since he was a child.
His daddy lifts himself away, hands sliding down Noah’s back but he settles between Noah’s spread thighs, a hand on each cheek and he smooths the globes open, peering at Noah’s hole and the mess of come.
He turns to look, needing to see the expression on Jensen’s face. “Is this daddy’s hole now?”
Noah goes boneless, head clunking back onto the pillow. “I thought you were supposed to be inexperienced?”
“I am, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what I like.”
“Good point,” he says, and whimpers as a knuckle strokes gently over his hole, rubbing just a little. “You can finger me if you want,” Noah offers, because he knows Jensen is clean and hasn’t slept with anyone in what might be years (years!) so if he wants to rub his come into Noah, then Noah doesn’t mind. It’s Johann and who he might have been with, who he fucked while he came back, and then had sex with Noah that’s the issue.
Noah is the one who isn’t safe.
“We’ll go tomorrow, honey. Then you’ll know for sure and you won’t have to worry about it.”
He wants to apologize. But Jensen leaves the bed and comes back with tissues, wipes him up enough so they can move to the bathroom. And then he’s in the shower and his daddy is cleaning him with soap and water, taking care of him, and planting kisses all over him and it’s all so perfect that he doesn’t say anything. He just wants to stay with his daddy and pretend that the rest of the world doesn’t exist, for as long as he possibly can.
12
Noah wakes up around six. Jensen is still asleep and curled around him. The urge to go back to sleep or maybe kiss his daddy awake is there but he has something to do first. Before he can snuggle in with his daddy, there’s something that has to be resolved.
He sneaks out of bed, closing the bedroom door softly behind him so he doesn’t wake his daddy up. His phone is on the counter in the kitchen, instantly drawing his eye, like a giant tarantula or bubonic plague rat just waiting for someone to come along and pick it up.
Bile fills his mouth as he picks it up. There are a hell of a lot of messages from Johann.
The urge to look at them is there but so is nausea. Revulsion. Just thinking of Johann makes him physically ill. He composes a new message. ‘Our relationship is over. Maybe it didn’t start out as abusive but that’s where it wound up. Do not contact me again or I will send copies of all of these messages to everyone you know.’
He hesitates over sending the text because the urge to add something else like ‘I hope you die’ or even the classic ‘go fuck yourself’ is there, and surely he should add that. Right? Shouldn’t he have the chance to tell Johann just how angry and violated and used he feels? Shouldn’t he get the justice of speaking up for himself?
He sighs and rubs his hand over his face and that’s when he realizes Jensen is leaning against the doorframe watching him, arms crossed, a worried look on his face. He pads into the kitchen and turns on the coffee pot and then sits down on the bar stool next to him.
Noah turns so his knee is against Jensen’s.
“I wanted to do it before you got up. I thought it would be nice to be able to say I ended it for good, blocked his number, and deleted the messages. I wanted that for you.”
“For me?” Jensen asks, and Noah shrugs.
“I know that’s not the answer you want to hear. It is for me, too. I know that. But I loved last night and you deserve someone who isn’t fucked up and a mess. So I wanted to give you something to at least show that maybe I’m not a terrible bargain.”
“You are incredible,” he says and presses a kiss to Noah’s cheek. He pulls back and smiles. “And we are all fucked up,” he says and leans in to kiss the other cheek. “And I enjoyed last night too,” he says, and there’s a quick kiss on the lips. But then he kisses Noah on the head, too. “And if you decide things are moving too fast, that will always be okay. I won’t ever be angry or want you to move out. Okay?”
“Ugh. See? You’re so good! I want to end it with him I really fucking do.”
“Okay. And what’s the hold-up?” He asks, gently.
He reads Jensen the message he has so far. “Do I add a fuck you?”
“At least. Maybe an ‘if I ever see you again I’ll castrate you with a rusty knife and do all subs everywhere a favor?’
