Page 17 of Jace's Secret
Now Jace looks at him. “Are you fucking kidding me? You’re going to tell me something isn’t fair? My family is dead. I have no one. I was fucking kidnapped. Does any of that seem fair to you?”
Garrett raises his hands in surrender and hopefully apology. “You’re right. I’m sorry. But you’re young, Jace. And the power imbalance is too great. Worship isn’t love. It isn’t equal.”
“Love? Who said love? An offer to bend over for you and suck your dick isn’t love, Detective Locke. Believe me, I can find someone else to fuck me. In fact, I might do that as soon as I leave here. Have you heard of Grindr? And the anonymous man I hook up with won’t be worried about semantics so long as I swallow,” Jace says, furious.
Jace is a naughty boy who should be hauled over his lap, spanked to tears, and then fucked until he’s content and dozy. Which isn’t something he’s ever thought before. And he certainly won’t act on it.
He nods, jaw so hard his teeth hurt. “Then I guess we’re done here.”
“I guess we are,” Jace says, turning away from him.
Garrett leaves, ears buzzing. Was there any other way that could have turned out? He opens and closes his hand, looks down at it, and realizes the odd feeling is one of lack. That he didn’t get to spank Jace’s plump behind, didn’t get to touch and caress, then get the boy on his fingers.
He isn’t that type of man. He wouldn’t even know himself if he took Jace up on his offer. Garrett needs to do better, be better than the base instincts the boy rouses in him.
He walks out the door and back into the gray light of a cold winter day, determined not to look back.
8
Garrett does not contact Jace. He goes back to doing what he should do. The first snow falls, just a mushy mess of dirt and ice that melts. Christmas decorations and songs are suddenly everywhere. They assault him from all angles and make him long for the six weeks of chemical fall, aka pumpkin spice season.
Does Jace like pumpkin spice? Does he have plans for Christmas? Does he spend time with friends, maybe other young men he grew up with in the orphanage?
Garrett will never know because he has done the responsible thing. Not the filthy, middle-aged lecher thing of taking advantage of a vulnerable young man.
He’s sure there are other men who have fewer scruples who are very happy to take advantage of what Jace has to offer. How many Grindr hookups have fucked his boy since Garrett walked away?
He thinks a lot about why he can’t call Jace and decides the problem is two-fold. It’s that he wants to do things to Jace that can best be described as depraved, combined with the fact that Jace would let him.
The boy wouldn’t stop him because he worships Garrett. Worship isn’t love. Worship usually involves sacrifice and crossed boundaries or even having no boundaries at all.
Maybe if he knew Jace would protect himself, then he could say yes to what is being offered. Or if he didn’t feel so out of control himself, then perhaps he could say yes.
It’s awful to feel like he doesn’t know himself. So he doesn’t contact Jace and instead spends a lot of time at work. Things settle down and get into a routine and before Garrett knows it, it’s his birthday. There’s going to be sandwiches and cake in the break room. Someone decorated his desk, and he’s given a new mug that says “Not dead yet,” which isn’t as funny as it’s meant to be.
There’s a package on his desk when he comes back from lunch. J Matthews is the sender. His stomach twists with nerves as he takes the package to his car. He doesn’t know what it is, but it’s light. He sets it on the hood and opens it. It’s a stuffed animal but in the shape of a plant. A cactus with a friendly smile. He’s so relieved he laughs. There’s a card at the bottom of the box. He opens it up and reads the message.
“It only seemed fair to finally return the favor. Happy Birthday, Jace.”
He puts it on his desk. Ralph likes it so much he goes online and orders a similar one for himself.
“You get friends and you won’t have to buy yourself one,” Sandra says.
Ralph flips her off.
“Who is it from?” Sandra asks, her bland smile doing nothing to cover up her curiosity.
“It’s from a young man I saved a long time ago. I got him a stuffed animal for Christmas until he aged out of the system. Ran into him a while back and I guess he decided this was a good idea.”
“That’s sweet.”
“Yup.” He moves a file on his desk then opens a drawer, looking for a pencil. She’s still staring.
“How long ago did he age out of the system?”
Garrett collapses back against his chair and blows out a breath. “Six years.”
“So, he’s twenty-four?”
