Page 5 of A LIttle Christmas: Samm
”You need to get out more. I’m sure this isn’t as big a deal as you’re making it out to be. The email is deleted! Don’t worry about it!”
“Wendy. I can’t do that,” he says. He’d love to. That’s the truth.
Wendy sighs with disappointment. “You need to sleep on it. You’re making a mistake. He’s a nice boy and the best assistant you’re ever going to have. He must be devastated. Maybe I should call him.”
“You have his personal number?” Bryan demands. Though it isn’t surprising. Samuel had picked them up from the airport last year when Bryan couldn’t get out of his meeting.
“Of course I do! You don’t get someone a pickle of the month subscription without a conversation or two first. Don’t fire him, you’ll regret it,” she warns.
“I’ve gotta go. I’m gonna go on a walk and think about it. Then I’m going to not Google pineapples.”
She makes a hmm sound that he instantly dislikes. “You know, just because Kathy was a tramp doesn’t mean you have to be a saint. It’s okay to live a little.”
“I live fine.”
“Scooter is great company but you need more than that.”
“I’m not gay,” he says, surprised he even has to say it.
“You could be bi?”
“I genuinely don’t see how that helps anything.”
“He does have that unhealthy obsession with Chris Evans,” Ryan says in the background.
“That’s not true,” Bryan says, and presses his napkin to his damp forehead. He is definitely sweating.
“Honey, you made us watch that terrible Christmas movie he did with the Rock last year. And then you did 50 push-ups and went on a run,” Wendy’s voice is gentle.
“How does that make me gay?” Bryan demands.
“You said he shouldn’t be allowed to do a movie with his shirt on.”
“He is in fantastic shape. That’s something to aspire to.” He wipes the back of his hand against his forehead again. Perhaps he’s ill? Maybe he left the heating on?
“We had to watch that Red Sea Diving Resort twice. You paused the movie on the scene where he gets out of bed naked.”
“I had to go to the bathroom!”
“That isn’t the defense you think it is,” she mutters.
“I have to go,” he says. This is ridiculous.
“Just don’t do anything rash,” she begs. “He’s so sweet! He’s practically family!”
“We like him more than you!” Ryan shouts.
Family is a curse.
“Wendy, listen to me very closely. Donotcall Samuel,” Bryan demands.
She makes a sound that could be agreement, but he knows damn well it isn’t and hangs up the phone.
3
Today might be the worst day of Samuel’s adult life. Nothing can be worse than the things he went through as a child, but this is definitely at the top of the pile for adulthood. Not only is Samuel humiliated and ashamed after sending his uber strait-laced (and straight!) boss the most pathetically slutty email ever— by mistake— which means he’s most definitely going to lose his job. But he’s also someone who has now experienced a panic attack. In public. While he was waiting for his eggnog latte.
Fucking.
