Page 3 of A LIttle Christmas: Samm
“Bry-Bry,” his brother says instead of saying hello like an adult.
“I have to fire my assistant. He’s a gay power bottom looking for a Daddy. He’s looking for love with a man whose email address is Ballbuster69.”
His brother snorts. “Come on. Ballbuster69 is the sort of guy one has a lost weekend with. A Ballbuster is never forever,” he says, sounding amused. And calm. “Which assistant? Samuel? I like Samuel. He always makes sure you take my calls.”
Bryan shoves a piece of broccoli into his mouth before answering. “He was a very good assistant. What a fucking disaster. He sent me the email by accident and then deleted it from my computer, as if that means we can just forget about it.”
There’s a long pause on Ryan’s end. “Can’t you? He’s areallygood assistant. We get good Christmas and birthday presents now. We’re quite enjoying our cheese of the month subscription he got us with your money.” He hears his sister-in-law speaking in the background, “Wendy wants you to know that the pickle of the month subscription is great, too. Usually pairs well with the cheese.”
“I’m so happy to hear that,” he says, voice filled with sarcasm. He eats a carrot and a piece of teriyaki chicken. Wendy is getting louder, and he can quite clearly hear her saying he should not fire Samuel.
“Don’t tell her?—”
“He’s a gay power bottom looking for a Daddy,” Ryan says.
“God Damit, Ry,” he growls.
“Ooh, that’s exciting!” Wendy says, as if this is amusing gossip, or even more strangely, good news. “How does he know? Did he hit on Bryan at after work drinks?”
Ryan laughs loudly.
Clearly, neither of them has any idea what it’s like to work in a corporate office with sexual harassment training every six months.
Bryan loosens his tie. Then he wipes the back of his forehead with his hand. Is he sweating? “No, he did not hit on me, and we do not have a work culture that would engage in Friday night carousing.” He winces.
“Mr. Stick up his ass is offended at the idea that he would allow drinking amongst his employees. He used the word ‘carousing’. Bryan, no one has used the word carousing in a hundred years.”
Wendy snorts in the background.
“Can you imagine?” Ryan says to his wife. “No, poor boy sent the email to the wrong address. He was just trying to get his horn on.”
Bryan contemplates hanging up so they can carry on the conversation without him. But then he really wouldn’t have anyone to talk to about this. He grabs the notepad he makes grocery lists on and also a pen.
‘Fire Assistant’ is first on the list. ‘Get more friends?’ He writes the words down and stares at them.
That is depressing. Not as depressing as having to fire Samuel, but if he puts both of them together, then his life is very bleak indeed.
Wendy is still chattering in the background.
“Is that something he can be fired over? Isn’t it a lifestyle choice or identity? Can he say he’s being discriminated against?” she asks.
“Of course he can be fired!” Bryan says sharply enough that Scooter lifts his head and looks at him quizzically. Scooter is a twenty-pound mutt of indeterminate everything from breed to age. Scooter’s soulful brown eyes stare at him. This dog might be his best friend. He’s called Scooter because he scoots on the carpet in an attempt to get pressure on his anal glands.
Perhaps Bryan needs to makea lotmore effort to make friends.
And Scooter should get more treats.
“Why? He wasn’t hitting on you,” Ryan says with so much certainty that Bryan is instinctively offended.
“Be nice,” Wendy says.
“Ow! Who are you, Ballbuster69?” Ryan says. He can just imagine Wendy smacking Ryan on the arm. “He deleted the email from Bryan’s inbox.” Then he’s back to talking to Bryan. “I think you should pretend you don’t know. He’s a nice kid. Let him live a little. What the hell would you do without him?”
“I don’t know. He takes care of Scooter when I have to go out of town for work.”
Ryan sighs.
“I just mean that firing Samuel would upend every part of my life.”
