Page 42 of Entwined Hearts
She wrenched her jaw, breathing hard. “You know why I had to end things. You wanted too much.”
“I just wanted you!” I yelled, my eyes stinging with tears, while one rolled down her face. “I would’ve done anything for you, would’ve been anything for you. I just wanted you, Sav.”
“Don’t call me that!” she wept, backing away from me.
I grabbed her waist, pulling her to me. “I’ll call you whatever the fuck I want, Savannah. You’re mine. I told you so last night, and you agreed.”
She shoved at my chest weakly. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”
My grip on her tightened. “No,youdon’t know what you’re saying. You keep trying to push me away and run from this. But there is no running. I’m not going anywhere, Savannah. I know you love me, and that you never stopped, just like I haven’t.”
She pushed at me for real this time, and I let her go. “I’m too scared to love you,” she cried.
All the air rushed out of my lungs. “Why?”
“Because I can’t lose you!” She didn’t just say the words; they tore their way out of her, harsh and raw and full of anguish, from a place I knew she’d buried deep.
“I was so scared of something happening to you every rodeo, and I couldn’t live with the idea of you not coming home one day and making me a widow. That’s why I broke things off. That’s why I told you not to come with me. The fear of being forced to live without you consumed me to the point that I couldn’t eventhinkabout you riding, or I’d become hysterical.”
I blinked quickly, my shoulders slumping. “I didn’t know it was that bad,” I whispered. How had I never known? Never noticed? I was an idiot, blinded by the reckless fun and rush that riding gave me. That’s how. No wonder she moved on.
She wiped her face with a shaking hand. “You were never supposed to. But then you proposed and told me you wanted to come with me to California, and I…I couldn’t let it happen, Weston. I couldn’t.”
I scowled at her and her honestly stupid logic. “So you thought breaking up would be easier?”
She stared at her feet. “It was the only way.”
“No, it wasn’t, Savannah. You should’ve told me how much it really scared you.”
Her head whipped towards me, eyes narrowed and accusing. “Why? So you could give up your passion for me? Then you’d resent me. I’d never ask you to do something like that.”
I ran a hand through my hair, not knowing what to say. This was all so fucked up, so overwhelming. Just when I thought I had her again, when I could finally breathe again, she ripped it away.
“And then the first time I see you after all these years, you have the worst accident of your career?” Her voice cracked on the words. “I thought the time and distance had gotten rid of my anxiety over it. But then you didn’t get up, and I-I thought—” Her knees buckled, and she dropped to the barn floor, sobbing.
Beau told me she had lost it at the rodeo, but I hadn’t really believed him, not until now. Not until seeing her this upset at the memory of it.
Ignoring the pain in my shoulder, I scooped her into my arms. “It’s okay, angel,” I whispered, stroking her hair as she cried. “I’m okay.”
Riding was everything to me. It was who I was. But how could I put her through this every time I went out into the arena?
I couldn’t. The decision to retire couldn’t be put off anymore. I had to choose.
And while I’d given up everything to do the thing I loved once, I wasn’t sure it was worth it this time.
14
Savannah
Two days. That’s how long I lasted after breaking down to Weston in the barn before I stood in front of my big sister needing help for the first time in years.
I watched as she paraded a colt around the paddock, holding the lead loose, but just tight enough to correct him. She was so sure, so strong. I needed that now, needed to feel that strength I thought I’d grown into in recent years. But confessing to Weston had stripped me of it.
“Claire,” I said softly when it looked like she’d reached a stopping point.
She turned with a smile on her face that fell when she saw me. “What’s wrong?” She tied the horse up and came to the railing. She always dropped everything for the rest of us whenever we needed her, and I hated feeling like a burden, but I didn’t know who else to turn to.
“I don’t know what to do,” I confessed, my voice trembling.
