Page 32 of Tormented Bastard
“Thanks. But it was my fault. The accident.”
Her eyes widened. “How can you say that?” Her voice pitched higher with every word she said.
“Because it’s the truth, Eden. My wife and a child who never had a chance at life are dead because of me.”
Her lips turned down into a frown. “Chase, that’s ridiculous. You weren’t even driving.”
My skin crawled, and I shot up off the couch, crossing the room to the windows. The storm outside matched the chaos in my head. I turned back to her, hands on my hips. Anger ran hot in my veins, and the only place I had to channel it was to the woman sitting across the room from me. The woman who, no matter how hard I tried, never seemed to leave my thoughts for very long. Even when I had been married to another woman.
“I made a selfish decision. I chose a car over my wife. I might not have loved her, but she was still my wife. And the last words I said to her were full of hate.”
Eden rose and crossed the room to stand in front of me. “Chase, it’s normal to feel guilty in cases like this.”
“Yeah, I know. Survivor guilt and all that shit.” My voice was full of bitterness. “Spare me the psychobabble, Eden. Been there, done that. During the year I was recovering from the injury, the team made me go see a therapist. I had to be cleared to play again.”
She looked away for a moment before bringing her gaze back to mine. “You can’t keep blaming yourself for it, Chase. You didn’t kill Heather and you didn’t kill her baby.”
“Well, how about this to add to my guilt? If I hadn’t been such a selfish prick, my baseball career wouldn’t be over. How’s that for mourning your wife? That I mourn my career more than I do my wife?” By the time I got to the last word, I was shouting.
She tilted her head. “How long were you and Heather together?”
I blinked. Where was she going with this? “In total, three years.”
“And how long have you been playing baseball?”
“Nearly my whole life. I started in T-Ball. You know that.”
“Exactly. Baseball has been your whole life. It’s understandable that you mourn it. You lost a vital piece of your life, Chase. And anyone who says different is a liar.”
Losing baseball had been losing a part of myself. A part I was so comfortable with, I knew every move.
Until I didn’t. My chest heaved with the pain of losing my livelihood that was still there even four years later. But hearing the understanding Eden offered loosened the giant chronic knot in my stomach just a little bit.
I hadn’t loved Heather, and she’d fucked me over, but her parents and family had loved her. She’d been someone’s daughter and sister. I wanted out of my marriage, but that hadn’t been the way I wanted it.
But I hadn’t been driving the car either, had I?
Why did it sound so different coming from Eden than it had from all the shrinks I’d seen after the accident? I’d never told anyone how I felt, not even the shrinks, but they knew. They were paid to know these things. Still, it hadn’t quite sunk in like it did from Eden.
I swallowed hard and turned back to the storm. There was something comforting in watching it rage. To hear her say it wasn’t my fault was like she’d found and rescued me after being lost on the raging sea in front of me.
I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck, facing her again. I needed to see her reaction to the rest of the story. “There’s more.”
Eden’s stare was steady on me. “Does this have anything to do with you fighting with Ty Richardson?”
I frowned. “You saw that, huh?”
Her lips curved in a half smile. “Hard not to when it’s splashed all over the Internet and TV.”
I lifted a brow. “I thought you didn’t watch entertainment news.”
“You made the nightly news, Chase.”
I winced and my frown deepened.
“Heather had been seeing Ty Richardson behind my back the whole time. And it was his baby.”
Her eyes widened. “That’s who she was cheating with?”
