Page 51 of Tormented Bastard
“Thanks, man.”
“No worries, mate.”
I went back to the room she’d been assigned in the triage area and sat down with a groan. I braced my elbows on my knees and rubbed my hands up and down my face.
What the fuck with my life? I sat here in a hospital, waiting for the woman I had a sneaking suspicion I was in love with again—or still, maybe, who the hell knew—because of a car accident. Another motherfucking car accident. Except this time I had been driving. In the sensible part of my mind, I knew it wasn’t my fault. It had been a freak thing. How often did someone have a heart attack behind the wheel?
But I had put my ego ahead of her safety. I wasn’t the only guy in town with a winch. We could have found someone else to bail Stewie out. I’d just been the closest one. But I was still trying to make some sort of amends. I could have said no. But it was just one more time I hadn’t been thinking about anything but what I wanted to do. And I had wanted her with me, not left back at the house.
Me and my motherfucking selfish ways. My father had been right all along. I was a walking disaster, a selfish bastard who didn’t give two shits about anyone he cared about. It didn’t matter how many good deeds I did, in the end I was still a selfish prick. Always looking out for number one.
No, Eden didn’t die. But she’d ended up with a concussion because of me. All roads led back to me and my fucked up ways. The best thing I could do for her was to let her go. With that resolve in my bones, I went through the motions the rest of the night.
Everything moved quickly after that, and Eden was in no condition to talk about anything meaningful. Within the hour, Chance had arrived and took us to my house. At some point, the power had been restored because the lights along the driveway’s edge were on but not powered by the generator. I thanked Chance for the ride and took Eden in. Once inside, I started to carry her to her room. If I was going to let her go, I would have to start now. But she was concussed, and there were signs the nurse told me I needed to be on the alert for, which I already knew. I’d been hit in the head once by a bunt that had bounced wrong and knocked my ass out. It was the only time I’d ever missed a start, and I’d had a headache for days.
I laid her on my bed and pulled the covers up over her. The pain meds started to wear off and she was groggy. She murmured something under her breath I couldn’t decipher as she snuggled down into the pillow. I tucked her into bed, leaving her pain meds and water on the nightstand. I sat on the bed next to her and brushed the blonde strands that had escaped her ponytail off her face.
The pain in my chest ached like a bitch. It was like someone had reached in and pulled out my heart while it was still beating. I didn’t want to let her go again. But it was the only thing I could do for her. I was going to hurt her one way or another. It’s what I did.
It was all I was good for.
