Page 53 of Tormented Bastard
In my shocked haze, I dimly recalled Chase walking me to the bathroom, but thought it had been a dream. “I thought I was dreaming.”
“No, it really happened.” He pulled my phone out of his pocket. “You should be able to look at a screen now without too much of a headache. A woman named Katie was blowing up your phone, so I answered it yesterday and let her know what was going on. She said to call her when you could and that she had everything covered.”
“Thank you.” I reached out gingerly and took the phone from him. He was careful not to touch me. In fact, I just realized that he had sat next to me, but only got close enough to give me the water. But he’d been careful not to touch me or get too close. I studied his posture next to me and for the first time since I woke up, I noticed his body was tense and he looked around like he was ready to escape.
What had happened the last two days while I was out cold?
“Chase, what’s going on?”
“What do you mean?”
WhatdidI mean? I couldn’t really put it into words. All I knew was that the Chase I’d spent time with before the accident was not the same man in front of me now. This was the Chase I saw when I first arrived on the island a few days ago.
Had it only been a few days ago? A helluva lot had changed in such a short period of time.
When I didn’t say anything more, Chase stood, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I’ve got some paperwork to do. If you need me, just shoot me a text.”
“Chase, wait a minute.” I swung my legs over to the side of the bed, and when the room stopped moving, I stood and faced him. “What’s going on with you?”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “There’s nothing going on with me.”
His flat, unemotional tone matched the stony mask on his face. It was like I didn’t know him at all. I stared into his eyes, searching for something, anything, that would show me the real Chase. The Chase I knew, the Chase that I knew without a doubt I was still in love with all these years later.
“Why are you shutting me out?”
He sighed and looked away. “I’m not shutting you out, Eden. I’m just doing what I should have done since you got here.”
“And what’s that?”
“Not get too close to you.”
“Chase, we have history. I’m not sure we could have avoided it if we tried.”
“Yeah, well, I should have tried harder. Things would have been different if I hadn’t let you in again.”
I rubbed at my forehead, where I clashed with the fabric reminder of the accident. I winced at the pain.
His eyes narrowed on the action, and he frowned. He waved a hand toward me. “See what I mean?”
“No, I don’t follow you at all.” God, my head throbbed. At this point, I wasn’t sure if it was my concussion or his train of thought. I was trying to follow his line of reasoning, but it made no sense to me.
He sighed and walked closer to me. “Eden, all I know how to do is hurt people. Everything I touch turns to shit.”
I shook my head slowly. “That’s not true, Chase. You’re one of major league baseball’s best pitchers. You’ve gone into history books. Your name will be known for years to come. Little boys want to grow up to be like you.”
“Fuck that.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Fine, when it comes to baseball, I was the Golden Boy. But when it comes to relationships? I always fuck it up somehow. It’s like I used up all my luck on the diamond. You know this, Eden.” He paused and looked at me, his eyes full of anguish. “It’s why you should be running the other way. Not standing here trying to convince me I’m something I’m not.”
“I’m standing here trying to convince you because that’s not what I see.”
He paced the room like a caged animal and laughed without humor. “Are you kidding me right now? How do you not see me for what I am? You’re one of the people I’ve hurt, Eden. I was too selfish to be there for you when you needed me. I chose my baseball career over you.”
“But I told you to go! It was my decision and my choice to stay in Florida to help my mother.”
He stopped and looked over at me, shaking his head. “Eden, we both know you had no choice in that matter.”
I sighed because he wasn’t wrong. “Okay, fine. You’re right. I didn’t. I had to stay because my mother would have haunted me to the day I died if I’d left her while she was sick. But you know what? That was the choice that I made.” I stopped, something in my chest twisting. “Can’t you see that what I did to you was the same thing? I chose my mother over you. I put my needs ahead of yours. You’re not to blame for all that, Chase.”
His jaw bunched and his cheek ticked. “It isn’t the same thing. You stayed because you needed to take care of your mother. That’s what kids do. It’s admirable. It was selfless because that’s who you are.” His face softened as he reached out and cupped my cheek. “You’re one of the best people I know, Eden. Smart, ambitious, beautiful, and selfless. Is it any wonder that I’ve loved you since I met you in English lit? That I never stopped loving you?”
