Page 77 of Wreck Me
“I want to know why this is anyone’s business,” Aidan shot back.
“Because this”—Stella gestured to him and the messy room in general—“isn’t you. Losing your cool on the job isn’t you. Day drinking? Come on.”
“You’re a mess, man,” Marcus added.
Aidan dropped his head and ran a hand through his hair. He let out a long and heavy sigh before lifting his head again. “It had run its course. That’s all.”
Charley scoffed again from her perch on the arm of the sofa. Stella glared at her but didn’t say anything. “Ran its course?” Stella asked. “So you look like a broken man who’s had his heart stomped on because it ran its course?”
“I don’t…it doesn’t matter. Okay? I don’t do relationships. This isn’t a surprise to anyone here.”
“No, but the way you’re reacting to it is a surprise.” His mom leaned forward mimicking his stance. “Why don’t you do relationships, Aidan? And don’t lie to me because I hate that. Besides, I think I already know the answer.”
He bounced his leg and bunched his jaw. Why couldn’t they understand? Why didn’t she understand of all people? If she knew, why did she want him to say it out loud?
He shoved off the chair and paced. “I’ve never been the guy to let my feelings show. If I kept them to myself, I could control things, keep from being hurt.”
Stopping in front of his mom, he jammed his hands on his hips. “When Dad died, I watched you lose yourself to the pain for so long. You functioned for us kids, and I’ve always admired you for that. But you were so sad for so long.” He shifted his gaze to the man he considered one of his uncles. “Same with you, Marcus, when Naomi died. It nearly killed you guys. And I…”
He stopped and looked at the ground and took a couple of breaths before he could continue. “And then I saw it firsthand again the other day when I had to tell Margot Davidson that her husband was dead. It was like reliving Dad dying all over again. And I never want to deal with that pain.”
Stella and Marcus glanced at each other before looking back at him. His mom’s eyes were shiny with tears, and he hated that he put that look on her face. “Aw, Mom. I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.”
“Aidan,”—Marcus shifted to the edge of the sofa, folding his hands together and pausing for a moment—“losing Naomi was the worst thing to ever happen to me. That much is true. But she was also the best thing to ever happen to me. I wouldn’t trade a single moment that I ever had with her to feel less pain. And you know what else?”
His dark, chocolate-colored eyes pinned Aidan to the floor. “Your dad was like a brother to me. He was one of the few people that would give this weird, nerdy kid a chance when my family moved to town. Your family, back to your grandparents, was nothing but kind to me and mine, even when many in town weren’t so welcoming. I’ll never forget that. And I would never trade a moment I had with him for less pain. You know what I’m saying?”
“I hear you, but—”
“No.” Stella’s voice was strong and sure, in spite of the unshed tears in her eyes. “There are no buts, son. You’re right. I did lose myself for a while after your dad died. And I’m sorry you had to see that.”
The smile she gave him was bittersweet. “I loved your father with all my heart and soul. That man drove me crazy in every way possible. But Marcus is right. I wouldn’t trade a thing in this world to not know the pain. You know what pains me the most? The thought of never giving him a chance, never having loved him. Not only do I have six beautiful children that each have a piece of him to carry on, but I also have all the memories to keep him alive.”
She rose and came to stand in front of him. She wrapped her hands around his. “I saw how the two of you were with each other. How you looked at her like she was the most precious thing in your world. It made me so happy to see you happy. You can push people away all you want, baby. And while it may make life easier for you, less messy, it’s also incredibly lonely.” She ran a hand over a lock of hair that fell over his forehead. “Don’t you see you’re just trading one kind of pain for another? With no memories to sustain you?”
“So what you’re saying is it’s better to have loved and lost than to lose love or whatever that saying is?”
Stella smiled and squeezed his hands. “It’s a cliché for a reason, love.”
Aidan sighed and looked down at their joined hands. “I never thought about it like that. All I know is that you were devastated when Dad died. And I always thought that if you never loved someone so much, you’d never feel that pain.”
“You love her, don’t you?” Stella asked gently.
He rubbed a hand over his heart and grimaced. “Yeah. I’m so in love with her it hurts. And I didn’t think that was possible. It’s only been a few weeks. How is that even possible?”
“Oh, baby. When you know, you know.” Stella drew him in for a hug. “You’re an amazing man, and I’m so sorry that we didn’t talk sooner.” She pulled away and cradled his face in her hands. “Don’t be miserable. You know as well as anyone how short life is. We only get one shot. Make it count.”
He nodded and wrapped his arms around her. God, he loved her. Even in her darkest hours she’d been an amazing mom and shown his brothers and sisters love. It was the way his father would have wanted it. And in her infinite wisdom, despite her pain and suffering, she’d figured it out a long time ago.
He closed his eyes as something shifted in his heart. In his mom’s arms, he swore he could feel another pair of arms surrounding them. A peace that Aidan hadn’t felt in too many years to count settled over him.
But on the heels of the peace, panic set in. He pulled back and looked over at his sister. “Charley, please tell me. Is Megan still in town? Where is she?”
Charley crossed her arms over her chest, but her face softened. “Yeah, she’s still here. But she’s getting her car back today. I talked her into sticking around tomorrow so we can give her a going away party at the Silver Moon.”
“Shit.” He ran his hands through his hair. Panic clawed at the back of Aidan’s throat. He’d been an epic jackass to Megan—“If I could love anyone, it would be you.”Who says that kind of shit?—and he had a lot of ground to make up.
“What can we do to help?” Marcus asked, coming to stand by his mom.
