Page 95 of Mine Forever
The Chase I know, the Chase that I know without a doubt I’m still in love with all these years later.
“Why are you shutting me out?”
He sighs and looks away. “I’m not shutting you out, Eden. I’m just doing what I should have done since you got here.”
“And what’s that?”
“Not get too close to you.”
“Chase, we have history. I’m not sure we could have avoided it if we tried.”
“Yeah, well, I should have tried harder. Things would have been different if I hadn’t let you in again.”
I rub at my forehead, where I clash with the fabric reminder of the accident. The pain makes me wince involuntarily.
His eyes narrow on the action, and he frowns. He waves a hand toward me. “See what I mean?”
“No, I don’t follow you at all.”
God, my head throbs. At this point, I’m not sure if it’s myconcussion or his train of thought. I’m trying to follow his line of reasoning, but it makes no sense to me.
He sighs and walks closer to me. “Eden, all I know how to do is hurt people. Everything I touch turns to shit.”
I shake my head slowly. “That’s not true, Chase. You were one of major league baseball’s best pitchers. You’ve gone into history books. Your name will be known for years to come. Little boys want to grow up to be like you.”
“Fuck that.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Fine, when it comes to baseball, I was the Golden Boy. But when it comes to relationships? I always fuck it up somehow.”
He paces the floor like a caged tiger on the prowl. “It’s like I used up all my luck on the diamond. You know this, Eden.”
With a pause, he looks at me, his eyes full of anguish. “It’s why you should be running the other way. Not standing here trying to convince me I’m something I’m not.”
“I’m standing here trying to convince you because that’s not what I see.”
He laughs without humor. “Are you kidding me right now? How do you not see me for what I am? You’re one of the people I’ve hurt the most, Eden. I was too selfish to be there for you when you needed me. I chose my baseball career over you.”
“But I told you to go! It was my decision and my choice to stay with my mother.”
He stops and looks over at me, shaking his head. “Eden, we both know you had no choice in that matter.”
“There’s always a choice. I stayed because my mother would have haunted me to the day I died if I’d left her while she was sick.”
Something in my chest twists and I go to stand in front of him. “Did I want you to go? No, but that was the choice that I made. Can’t you see that what I did to you was the same thing?I put my needs ahead of yours. You’re not to blame for all that, Chase.”
His jaw bunches and his cheek tics. “It isn’t the same thing. You stayed because you needed to take care of your mother. That’s what kids do. It’s admirable. It was selfless because that’s who you are.”
His face softens as he reaches out and cups my cheek. “You’re one of the best people I know, Eden. Smart, ambitious, beautiful, and selfless. Is it any wonder that I’ve loved you since I met you in English lit?”
My heart stops. “You never told me that.”
He nods, but the look in his eyes is sad, resigned. “I realized it soon after we met. I thought it was just lust, you know? But after we slept together that first time, I knew without a doubt that I was stupid in love with you.”
Dropping his hand from my face, he looks away. “I tried to convince myself over the years after we broke up that it was just a college thing. We were young. It would have never worked once we graduated.”
He starts to pace again, running a hand through his hair. All I can do is stand and watch him, my heart aching.
“But no matter where I was, what I did, you never left me. You were always on my mind. No matter who I met, no matter how many women I had. It was just a temporary respite from thoughts of you. Even with Heather, I knew it wouldn’t last. I knew better and I still did it.”
He stalks over to me and holds my shoulders. “Can’t you see it, Eden? I chose me every time. I did it with my mother, I did it with you, and I did it with Heather. You deserve so much better than what I can give you, than what I’ll eventually do to you. We both know it.”
